Early Access
by mentos046
Summary: "What do you mean 'it's not done yet? Well, just put it up now, then. Oh! And put one of those copypasted blurbs about how we're 'committed to quality' or whatever. People eat that up." One of those Naruto Gamer stories with the caveat that the still-in-development game is rife with bugs. Rated T for censored language, nondescript violence, & possibly unethical business practices.
1. Asteroid Amazingly Appears

**Someone asked me a while ago to do a Naruto Gamer story. ****This probably wasn't what they had in mind.**

**CHAPTER 1: Asteroid Amazingly Appears**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript violence.**

* * *

Our story begins in a perfectly normal world where a perfectly normal human age 15-18 is walking along a road, completely engrossed in his phone.

He- Wait this is just the beginning, I swear!

Still here?

Okay.

He's walking along a road and texting away on his copyright safe cell phone when he strolls obliviously into a crosswalk and stops in the middle of the road.

As he continues his messaging, heedless of what's around him, a copyright safe vehicle of some sort comes barreling down the road at speeds distinctly unsafe for people obliviously texting in the middle of a crosswalk.

As you might have predicted, Sebastian Iverson is right in the car's path, but right before it hits him a plot hole opens beneath him, into which he falls, sparing him the fate of being hit. His phone however, is reduced to a pile of copyright safe plastic slurry. I did say it was fast.

* * *

**Some Sort of Infinite Abyss, Possibly the Internet**

Now adrift in wherever was on the other side of that plot hole, he fell placidly toward the world of Naruto because that's what happens in these sorts of stories.

At the same time as he fell, a meteor magically manifested. It could have been anything that manifested, but it was a meteor because alliteration is fun. Meteor magically manifested.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. The meteor was imbued with the power of the Gamer, because that's also what happens in these sorts of stories, and set on a trajectory such that it would impact Sawyer Isaacson and imbue him with the abilities necessary to survive what would otherwise definitely be a fatal fall.

He continued to drift at a comfortable pace toward the world of Naruto until a space-craft of some sort plowed into him. It's driver, as oblivious to the impact as Saemus Iceman was to the vehicle barreling down the road toward him earlier, continued on with the new hood ornament and arrived in a different story, where Salvatore Irons was deposited on a cloud. The meteor, unaware, as meteors tend to be, of any of this, continued on its merry way. Or rather, indifferent way since it can't express anything else on account of being a meteor.

At some point in its trip, a seemingly porous mass of black, seething with contempt for all things that don't deserve to suffer attached itself to the meteor bound for another world. A world it recognized, having been there before.

* * *

**Uh...Wherever Naruto is set, I guess**

*Crunch* *Crunch* *Crunch*

The Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze woke with a start. He stared blearily down at the documents he had signed, commissioning the creation of an injured, orphan puppy hospital, and tried to make sense of them when the sound occurred again.

*Crunch* *Crunch* *Crunch*

Minato paled upon hearing it again; there was only one thing it could be. He rose and crept toward the largest room of his home, the crunching growing steadily louder with his dread.

*Crunch* *Crunch* *Crunch*

His stomach dropped as he approached the room and there, on the couch, was his wife, eating a box of cookies.

"Impossible!" he said fervently and ran toward a window to look out. Sure enough, there was a troop of Kunoichi Scouts walking away with a month's salary.

"How?!" he demanded. He had set up the defenses around his house to go egregiously Rambo on anything with a pulse. How had they gotten in _again_!

The Kunoichi Scouts were peerless trackers and infiltrators, as Minato had found out last year when he accidentally mixed up their delivery list and Konoha's Most Wanted list. The Anbu, far too loyal to ever question their orders, didn't even stop to be confused as they went door-to-door arresting people, and the Kunoichi Scouts had found every single target on the Most Wanted list within a week of its release. It took the purchase of an entire warehouse of cookies to persuade them to part with this information, but that ultimately reduced manhunt expenses by two-thirds for that year. After that, Minato started collecting fugitives by ordering a box of cookies in their name and pre-paying for it.

Whoever was training the Scouts most definitely deserved a commendation, but every ring of his doorbell brought him untold dread. Mostly because he didn't have a doorbell and if he ever figured out what ninjutsu they were using to make that sound he was going to add it to the register of forbidden techniques. And maybe execute the creator.

There was nothing he could do about it now, though. He turned, defeated, to the couch that housed his very pregnant wife and a tower of cookie boxes tall enough to fortify the entire western border.

Sitting down, he took a box of the same type she was currently inhaling (because he knew better than to try to take the box in her hand), and studied it.

Mercu-Rings, they were called. As the name implies, they were fortified with Mercury. Normally, Mercury is quite a toxic metal and eating it in any quantity is a bad idea, let alone in quantities such as these cookies possess, but these aren't normal people. These are ninja.

Rather than do any direct harm, the heavy metal of the Mercury instead reacted with chakra or something and made the yet unborn Naruto metal as f*ck. Yes, you read that right. It doesn't matter how flimsy the premise is, it's going to be overwritten by that Gamer thing anyway, so I may as well get as ridiculous as possible.

By the sheer power of metal, Naruto was now a Viking and had remarkable aptitude for battle-axes. The Mercury coalesced into a horned helmet that stayed on his head throughout the remainder of his gestation and, for the next several months, heavy metal played constantly, further agitating the Hokage's lack of sleep.

Inside the seal, the Nine-Tailed Fox panicked. In it's long history on this planet it had seen this before and it knew what would soon be unleashed. No one, human or not, was ever supposed to be this metal. It defied the laws of nature and only chaos could come of it. The Fox resolved to gather its strength and, on the day of the birth, break free and run the h*ll away from this place.

* * *

**Some Cave Somewhere, Several Months Later**

Minato stood by anxious as the midwife attended to Kushina, who was laid back on a table shouting things that can't be listed here or this would no longer be a T-Rated story. Seriously, how does she even know so many expletives?

Outside the cave a mysterious figure prowled about, looking for a way past the Anbu guarding it. Approaching the guards from the side in anticipation of a fight, the figure was surprised when they simply allowed him to slip past. He thought that perhaps Anbu standards had dropped in recent years. The truth is, when security was being planned for this day, someone had given the order, albeit sarcastically, not to let anyone in unless they were wearing a creepy robe and mask. The Anbu are incredibly skilled and loyal to a fault, but carry out all their orders to the letter. So when, by coincidence, someone perfectly matching that description attempted to enter, who were they to stop it?

Upon arriving in the cave, the figure waited in the corner, playing cards or something, for his chance.

...

"Aww. He's got my hair," Minato said.

...

"A...lot of it."

...

"I'm pretty sure I haven't had this much hair in my entire life."

...

"Wait. A horned helmet? No wonder she was so ma-Is...is that a beard?"

Mere minutes later, baby Naruto was safely in the midwife's arms, and the figure rose, dropping the cards to the floor.

The midwife slapped baby Naruto's butt to make him cry because that's what they do in the movies, and baby Naruto responded by taking a deep breath, then decking her. The punch sends the midwife flying into the wall and baby Naruto into the air, where the masked figure rushed in and scooped him up.

Minato, despite severe sleep deprivation, was inconceivably quick to attempt a rescue, but the figure was already pointing a kunai at the baby,

"One more step and I-What the h*ll?" he said, looking down at Naruto, "Is this a baby or a dwarf?"

He noticed the horned helmet and made a grab for it, baby Naruto's hand grasping the figure's fingers as he did.

"You think you can stop me, that's adorable," the figure said, as the heavy metal in the background steadily intensified. He continued to reach for the helmet until a loud snap reverberated through the cavern.

The figure reflexively jerked the now disfigured finger toward his face. In the process, the horns on the helmet punched right through the mask and into his eye,

"F*ck, my eye," he yelled, recoiling back and slamming the back of his head into the cave wall before slipping on the cards he had thrown to the ground, the sound rousing Minato who had almost drifted off again,

"You're into some weird sh-"

"No! That's not what I meant!" he said, looking at baby Naruto who appeared to be rather smug for a seven-minute old.

He rose, Naruto still in hand, and drew a bunch of explosive tags from his robe,

"I'll show you, you little sh-Wait, what's going on?" he said, entangling the tags in the beard in an effort to place them on the baby.

In the ensuing seconds the figure tried desperately to remove his hand from the beard but it was pulling both hand and tags into itself with indomitable force. Now completely subsumed by the beard, the tags detonated with nothing more than a muffled pop and a whimper from the figure.

This it seemed, was finally enough to make baby Naruto upset and as the baritone cries echoed through the cave a small rock slide fell on the figure, causing him to drop Naruto, who Minato quickly caught.

Having had both hands disfigured in the space of ten minutes, the figure had immense trouble digging himself out of the rock pile. He eventually managed to roll out of it and rose to his knees, holding his damaged eye with his less damaged hand and breathing raggedly.

"F*ck this sh*t," he shuddered out, rising, "I'm out."

Minato would have pursued the escaping figure, or at least ordered the Anbu to, but it was at this very moment that the Nine-Tailed Fox made its desperate break for freedom. Having finally escaped the seal, the Fox made a mad dash for the exit, being careful to give the newborn Naruto a wide berth.

Sleep deprived and running on adrenaline, Minato failed to notice that the Fox was running _away _from the village and assumed instead that it was trying to attack. He teleported his wife and son to a safe-house that they set up, and then decided for some reason to use a cave instead of, and pursued the Fox. Eventually, Minato managed to catch up with it and teleported it to the safe-house as well, where it was held down by giant chains that Kushina summoned.

Minato and Kushina sat by baby Naruto, deciding how to handle the situation, while the Fox edged as far away from the baby as possible given its current restraints. Finally deciding on what to do, Minato began using the Dead Demon Consuming Seal which was apparently named with a random word generator since it was neither a dead seal that consumes demons nor a seal that consumes dead demons, but every seal with a less metal name had fizzled out because of proximity to baby Naruto.

The Nine-Tailed Fox, understanding what they were about to do, began wildly thrashing in its restraints. Unfortunately, it forgot to remain as far away as possible from baby Naruto, who promptly grasped a handful of its fur. Minato and Kushina both heard the chains straining and snapping and looked back to see baby Naruto throwing the Fox around, making craters all around him as he slammed it into the ground. After a few seconds of this he brought the handful of fur up to his mouth as infants tend to do with things, and the beard began sucking the Fox in. It scrabbled at the ground in a desperate attempt to resist the pull, but it could no more stop it than the masked figure could free his hand. Within seconds the entire Fox was absorbed by the beard which grew nine tails in response. Minato, Kushina, and the recently summoned Shinigami all watched in awe at what just happened and all three simultaneously ceased to exist from exposure to sheer metal.

Not long after, the former Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, arrived on scene. He saw baby Naruto surrounded by craters and no Nine-Tailed Fox in sight, and made the not-quite-correct assumption that Minato and Kushina had sacrificed themselves to seal it within him.

"_At least now Minato can catch up on his sleep,_" he thought to himself.

As he drew closer, he noticed the helmet and beard and briefly wondered if he wasn't senile. He formed a rectangle with the index finger and thumb on both of his hands and centered baby Naruto in it,

"Camera-no-jutsu," he said, just as the Anbu arrived behind him.

As the Anbu looked on at the scene from behind him, Hiruzen swore a solemn vow,

"Minato and Kushina gave their lives to protect this village and sacrificed their only child to ensure its wellbeing. I swear to honor their sacrifice by protecting their child with my own life! I will see to it that he is safe and protected and do everything in my power to ensure that he grows up strong and healthy and surpasses even his parents in strength and skill! So long as I draw breath no harm will ever come to hi-"

A meteor falls on baby Naruto.

"...Well, sh*t."

* * *

**CHAPTER 1 ****END**

* * *

**If you've reached this point, then welcome to this story. I'm going to try to do one chapter a day, but I can't make any promises in that regard.**

**If you've read anything else I've written, then you may already know that I do short stories, and this will be no exception. I'm only going to carry this until shortly after the Land of Waves arc, so if that's a deal breaker for you then now you know.**

**So, next chapter starts the "Gamer" stuff, but if you came here looking to read about characters grinding levels and boosting stats then you'll probably be disappointed. ****As much as this is a "Gamer" story, with the universe functioning like a video game as it entails, my primary goal in writing this is trying to make people laugh. For this reason, it will be less focused on throwing around stats and grinding levels, which would quickly bog it down, and more on character's reactions to the abnormal behavior of the now-game world. There will be many video game references, mostly to well-known (for glitches, anyway) glitches and exploits that exist within those games, but also game references in general. ****There probably won't be any speedrunning/sequence breaking glitches as I'm not terribly familiar with those. ****General humor is also included, as my goal is to make as many people laugh as possible and that would be difficult to achieve if I stick to niche jokes. I will try my best, but I can't guarantee everyone will find everything funny.**

**Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy this.**


	2. Flashbacks are sponsored now

**CHAPTER 2: Flashbacks are sponsored now**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript violence.**

**I'm not sure it's actually necessary, but I want to make it clear that the author (myself) is a separate, out-of-universe entity to the narrator, which is in-universe. The narrator, like much else here, is nothing more than a vessel for the jokes. None of the opinions it expresses are representative of my own, except maybe that part about alliteration. I don't expect there to be any controversial jokes, but you never know.**

* * *

Hiruzen stared in awe and abject despondency at what had just happened. He had only just sworn to protect the child with his life and now he was-

A tiny fist burst through the rock from underneath, scattering the mass of seething hatred that had been trying to reach the baby underneath.

"Godd*mn. Can anything kill this kid?" Hiruzen said to himself as he approached the crash site.

Several weapons were unsheathed behind him.

"Wait! That was rhetorical! Put those down and come help me move this rock."

As they approached the meteor, Hiruzen began warning the Anbu about Naruto's appearance.

"You might be shocked once we move this," he said to them, "but I want you to know, no matter what he looks like that is Minato and Kushina's son under there."

They slowly moved the meteor, preparing for the worst, and under it they found...a completely normal baby as the Gamer power had overwritten Naruto's original appearance and abilities.

"What? But...he...had a beard. And a helmet. I saw it. I know I did!"

"Of course he did, Lord Hokage."

"I have pictures," he said, "I took them using the Camera-no-jutsu."

"There's no such thing as a Camera-no-jutsu, Lord Hokage. How about you go back to the village and someone will be along with your medicine."

Off in the distance, the mass of black broke apart and flew into the sunset, looking for another baby to attack since it couldn't get to that one. In its flight, it began to thin, revealing that it was a flock of pigeons. As they traveled the air, an old man saw them, remarking that they were a bad omen. Those around dismissed it as superstition. What they didn't know was that the pigeons had been here before, their previous appearance resulting in the destruction of an entire nation.

* * *

**Several Years Later**

The world was a strange place for young Naruto Uzumaki. The laws of the natural world seemed to apply in a different way to him than to anyone else. Holographic boxes all around him did everything from aiding him in remembering important tasks, to telling him things he probably shouldn't know, and even allowing him to change the very world around him. Between this and the way the world seemed to be rife with abnormalities and malfunctions, many of which were very exploitable, his otherwise difficult life was not only bearable, it was easy once he got a handle on everything.

One such holographic box appeared just now. Selecting it, he saw that it was a notification of an update.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.40 Changelog**

**The password system previously in use for progress retention has been disabled due to potential exploitation. A proper save system is currently in development. Users are advised not to die in the interim however, as such deaths will be permanent.**

**Izanagi and Izanami, I know you two aren't getting along right now, but that's no excuse to take it out on the characters. You can't keep adding and deleting people at this rate or someone is going to start asking questions.**

**Agility...Vitatlity...Endurance...Rationality?**

**What are you doing?**

**Nimbleness? ...Observancy?**

**She's trying to fit the stats into an acronym.**

**Why?**

**It's supposed to be a play on the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. system but apparently it's hard to find words that fit "Average" or "Normal" and still represent attributes.**

**Screw this! I'm done! It's LMNOP. That's the stat system now. LMNOP.**

**Wait, why is this showing up- Hey, whoever was recording dialogue last left the voice-to-text on. Do you have any idea what kind of confusion **

These boxes had been making periodic appearances for as long as he could remember, and only some of them really made sense to him. Searching for a bit, he eventually found the stats the notification talked about, and sure enough, he now had additional information below his name.

**Naruto Uzumaki | Civilian Academy Student | Level 4**

**Luck: 9**

**Moxie: 8**

**Naiveté: 7**

**Ovoviviparousness: 0**

**Pizzazz: 8**

Making a mental note to find out what "Ovoviviparousness" was, and why his was so low, he closed that box and opened the Mission Log. It was another example of the world's strange behavior, a box that contained every important task he had to undertake, even if it was always a bit miffed at him for some reason.

**New Mission: Deface the Hokage Monument**

**○ Reach the Hokage Monument**

"Why do you have to make it sound like I'm evil?" he asked it.

**○ Bonus Objective: Kick a Puppy**

"What? No way!"

After verifying that he had the paint and brushes in his inventory and reaffirming to himself that it can't possibly be that hard _not _to kick a puppy on such a short trip, he opened his door to find that puppies littered every square inch of the town, even piled onto the rooftops so high that they seemed to be raining down onto the streets below.

"Have there always been this many puppies around here?"

There wasn't, normally, but the injured orphan puppy hospital commissioned by the Fourth Hokage over a decade prior was due to open soon, so every puppy in the Elemental Nations had been shipped to Konoha in anticipation. Sadly, many of them would be turned down due to not meeting all prior requirements of being both injured and orphans as well as being a puppy.

For Naruto, the abundance of puppies proved to be an obstacle, as he was determined not to give his Mission Log the petty satisfaction of him kicking one. He had to carefully navigate the street, sometimes waiting for a place to step, and on at least two occasions had a Quick Time Event wherein he had to dodge flying puppies thrown at him by the ghost of an elderly woman. A figure watched, impressed, from atop a high point as he dodged with seemingly preternatural reflexes, the input prompts allowing him to perfectly avoid the puppy projectiles without actually needing to know where they came from. When the event ended, a message flashed across his vision.

**Excellent!**

**A present from the Fairies of Terra.**

** Acquired Turquoise.**

"Hold on. From what now?" Naruto asked as a bluish-greenish gem appeared in his hand, "Well, I'm not complaining."

He pocketed the gem and continued on.

In time, he reached the Hokage Monument, but still had a long climb to go. The trip to the monument had taken much longer than he had planned on account of having to avoid puppies the whole time, so he didn't really have enough time left to make the climb manually. Fortunately, someone nearby was selling horses, so this is the part where the Skyrim references start. One horse purchase later, Naruto had climbed the mountain in a record 17 seconds, then, having no further use for it, dismounted and left the horse there.

**○ Reach the Hokage Monument **Complete

**Mission Update: Deface the Hokage Monument**

**○ Apply Paint to the Monument**

"Okay, here I-"

**○ Bonus Objective: Kick a Puppy**

"No! I'm not doing that!"

He reached into his pocket and withdrew several buckets of paint and multiple brushes. Don't ask questions; that's just how the inventory works, okay?

With everything prepared, he set to work. This part was originally intended to allow players to paint whatever they wanted onto the monument, but the risk of inappropriate art was deemed too great, so it became a cutscene instead. Naruto was a bit disconcerted when he lost control of his body, but whatever force was piloting him seemed to have a much better sense of art than he did anyway, so he was okay with it, for now.

When next he could control his body, he heard people running up the mountain toward him and assumed he had been seen.

**○ Apply Paint to the Monument **Complete

**Mission Update: Deface the Hokage Monument**

**○ Get Caught **

"I'll show you," Naruto told the Mission Log.

Fortunately, he already had an escape plan. Reaching into his pocket again, he withdrew a large, silver dinner platter. He held it in front of his face and charged headfirst at the wall, passing right through it and into the mountain as his face was about to make contact. Falling into the mountain, he looked back at the now transparent rock face and saw several figures reach the top and find only a single platter rattling on the ground.

Naruto carefully slid down the mountain, looking through the transparent mountain face toward the village as the ghost of an elderly woman hurled puppies at him in machine gun fashion, each one impacting the mountain and sliding down it.

He waited inside the mountain at its base until there were no more puppies around the ghost of an elderly woman, then emerged from the side facing the village.

As he walked back home, he thought back on when he first discovered the curious nature of the common dinner platter.

**Flashback**

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**...**

**As I was saying. Buy Highly Flammable Liquid today.**

One day, several years ago, Naruto was running away from the local law enforcement after another one of his famous gags. His pursuers were hot on his trail and he was running out of energy to keep going. As he was just about to stop and look for somewhere to hide, he lost his footing and fell face first to the ground. A large, silver dinner platter was already on the ground where he was about to fall and he closed his eyes to brace for impact. When he opened them again, he found himself on ground basically identical to the normal ground, but under it. Hearing footsteps directly above him, he looked up and saw the village above him. The shinobi pursuing him however, didn't seem to be able to see through, as they simply passed right over him. He remained there until he was convinced it was safe, then poked a hand out into the village to see if he could get back.

After the investigation into the elderly woman's death concluded for the day, Naruto exited the ground-below-the-ground, and returned home. For the next week, he would attempt to repeat the occurrence, running head first at a boulder near his house several times a day. After that week he came to the conclusion that maybe the platter had something to do with it. Returning to the site of where he had first fallen through, to retrieve the platter, Naruto found it just sitting there. The original owner was all too happy to part with it, just in case it was incriminating evidence in the elderly woman's death the week prior.

An additional three days and four concussions later, he finally figured out exactly what he needed to do in order to trigger it. Since then he has perfected the execution such that he can repeat it on average four out of seven attempts.

It was now his primary method of escape since no one else in the known world seemed to have the ability.

**Flashback End**

Naruto proceeded back to his home whilst lost in the flashback and thus failed to account for his surroundings. As a result, he immediately tripped over something as the flashback ended.

He fell to the ground and the object gave a whimper as a notification flashed into his vision.

**○ Bonus Objective **Complete

**-5 Karma**

He looked up again and saw his teacher, Iruka.

**Iruka Umino | Chuunin Academy Teacher | Level 46**

**Liquor: 8**

**Moonshine: 8**

**Nondrinking: -1**

**Osteoporosis: 2**

**Pedagogy: 9**

**○ Get Caught **Complete

**Deface the Hokage Monument **Complete

* * *

**Ninja School**

Having been caught, Naruto was dragged back to the academy by his teacher who took him to the classroom and informed the other students that everyone would have to repeat the transformation technique.

"Oh, come on!" said Francesco, the Italian student who won't be important for anything.

"We already know this. Why do we have to repeat it, too?" another student asked.

**"This mortal form is so limiting,"** complained the pink-haired classmate as the two students on either side of her spontaneously combusted.

"What?" Iruka asked her.

"What?" she responded.

**New Codex Entry: Sakura Haruno**

**Academy Student and prospective Genin of Konoha. Intelligent, but largely unsuited for stealthy work on account of her bright pink hair, which marks her as a clear genetic anomaly.**

**At some point in her life, Sakura suffered some event that resulted in her manifesting an alternate, much more terrifying personality, that she seems largely unaware of. Rather than seek treatment for what is clearly a Dissociative Identity Disorder, her parents instead decided that she would be trained as an assassin because there's no possible way that could go wrong, and that's what happens when you take parenting advice from FaceScroll.**

**While, for the most part, the alter ego seems to manifest when she is unconscious, it has been shown to exert influence even at other times. Further details remain unknown.**

**[Progress further in the Campaign to reveal this information]**

**She is also possessed of a natural cat allergy.**

The class, except the two who caught fire, lined up to repeat the lesson while Naruto was reading. Since they had already reviewed this before, everyone accomplished it with ease. Shortly after, it was Naruto's turn.

"Transform!" he yelled, doing the hand motions, and smoke engulfed the entire classroom. When it cleared he.̷.̶.̴w̴a̴i̷t̵.̷ ̵W̷h̷a̵t̷'̵s̵ h̷̘̾ą̴̽p̵͔̉p̷͓̾ė̴̺n̸̻̚i̴̬̕n̶͓̈́g̴̻̊? Ŵ̶͉h̵̼͠a̸̋͜t̸͉̃ ̸̡̅d̸̻͗i̷̭̎d̶̢̈́ ̶͖͝h̷̺͑e̸̺̅ do?

...O̷̧̦̗͆h̵̪͎̖͎͎̼̱͑̃̾̅̊͗͂̒́̄̀̐̐,̴̹̼̜̯̹̇́̌͜ ̵̛͔̪͍̠̭͑͋̾̆͂̾̓̋̈̓̿̓̉͜͝ṁ̸̛̞̹̖̝̯̓̽ỳ̴̥̔̉͑̋̎̌̚̕͝͝ ̸̠̲̮̮͔̼͚̞͍͇̹̼͊̽̀̕͝Ǵ̵͖͎͖̗͈̥̪͚̫̻̫̟̏̎͆͂̂̑̕͝͝ȍ̴̘̘̫̲̯͔͖͈͔͍̺̜̞͓̖͒̈́̐̍͊̈́̈͌̀̕͜ḑ̸̳̗͚̘̦͈̖̼̻̺̰͐͆͛̊̀͆̎̽̓̈̆̐͝,̵̛͕̦͖̬͈̲̦̺̖͉̥̞̘̬̰̒͒̐͒̈́̄͂̽̐̀̐͐͜͝͠ he t̷̜́u̷͙͋ȑ̸͉n̴͎͊e̵̮̾d̸͕̎ into that M̵i̷s̴s̴i̸n̸g̴n̶o̸ glitch thing from Ṕ̶̧̛̹̝̣̹̜̩̓̋̀́͗̎̉̃̿̔͂̔̍̑͌̉̈́͘̚͘͜ơ̶̧̝͇̠̖̊̊͂̽͊̈́̿̇͆̾̒̄̏̋͐̆͘͠͠k̴̬̎͌̄̐́̽̏̈́̅͠é̷̛̛̛͕̘̳̩̉̏̑͑̀͂͆̍͆̇͗́͋́̾̋͗͋̋͑̏͊͘̕͝m̵̦̱̄̈̾̀̋̾͊͗͐̉̓̈́̽̊̓́͒̒̾͂̅̾̓̄̕͠͝ơ̷̢̨̧̢̛̬̥͔̯̳̪̬̲̘̳̍̅̿͋̃̊̆̄͋́͒͊̉̓͗͆̈̊͊̒̚͜͜͝ͅṇ̸͖͚̭̖̀̅͗͒̓͋̂̃̐̂̒̇̆̋̔̎̎̓̒̏̓̆͘͝. Okay. Hold on. There's g̵o̷t̸ ̶t̴o̷ ̸b̶e̶ ̶a̸ ̴w̸a̷y̷ ̷t̷o̸ ̶f̸i̴x̷ ̴t̴h̸i̸s̷. M̶̜̉a̴͓̿y̴̠͑b̴̝̀ȅ̸̻ ̵̪̕ẗ̵̗́h̵̟̀e̶͕͝ř̸̝e̶̻̔'̷̹͛s̵̪̽ ̴̠̍a̴͈̿ ̸̡̽r̸͎͋ë̶̜s̴̜͝e̴͇̅t̸̮͛ ̸̺͘s̶̈́ͅō̸̥m̴̝̏e̶̛̗ẁ̸̲h̷̻̐ẽ̴̡r̶̹̚ȅ̸̥ ̵͚̚I̴̟̓ ̷͕̌c̵̦̄a̸̩̽n̴̤̊T̵͓̠̹̋̒͛̈̀͜ḩ̸̜̺̠̓͌̆̽̒ȩ̴̘̤͉̱̣͛r̸̥̞͔̦͆͝͝ͅé̷͖̣̣̙͝ ̸̗͙͙́̽̓͘T̶̗̻̈́͌h̵̠͓̀ȩ̸̟͈͋r̴̞̼̃͛é̷͈̊̾ ̴̙͊͜͝ȋ̵̼̱ś̶̹͚͝ ̶͇̭͂̑n̷͉̘̿͝ờ̶̻̀ ̷̩͓̿s̷͍̍̄ṗ̸͜͠ơ̵̭̪͛ó̴̩n̵̐͝ͅ ̵̘̹̈́ ̵̜̔͒ ̶̮̕ ̶͓͛ ̸̩͉͊ ̸̺͝ͅ ̷̯̄̌͜ ̶̜̌̋ ̶̪̀ ̶̠̀͛ ̴͓͎̿ ̷͇͠ ̴̗̊̑ ̸̼̆ ̸̙̌͐ ̶̙̌̿ ̷̡̛̗̚ ̵̱͔͆͝ ̷̥̀ ̴̣͂̂ ̵̛͚̱̏ ̵͈̀ ̶͔͉̒̕ ̶̻̻̔̎ ̴̣̌͘ͅ ̷͘ͅ ̴̳̺̔ ̷͖́͠ ̷͈͕͗͌ ̸̻̇ ̶͙̔̈͜ ̶̗͎͐̈́ ̸̭͛ ̷̼͆ ̴̬͠ ̴͎̐͝ ̶͇̤̾̄ ̵̺͚̍ ̶̰͙̒͘ ̵͍̈́ ̴͖̏ ̸̪͎̄͠ ̴̦̣͝ ̷̘̰̓̇ ̷̩̐͘ ̶̹̟̅̈́ ̸̻̻̅͌ ̶͈̥̆ ̸̡̙̔ ̵̤͉͊ ̵̟̻̈́̒ ̵̓̈ͅ ̷̝͊͋ ̷͕̂ ̶̰̈́̕ ̶̘͌̓ ̷͈̀ ̸͚͝ ̴̲̇ ̸̩̄ ̵͖̌̋ ̴͉͈̉ ̸̬̦̀ ̸͙̻͛͠ ̵̬̲͐͝ ̸̦͍̂ ̷̢̰̈́ ̵̛̼̊ ̷̮̏ ̴̬̭̐̿ ̴͚̻̊ ̵̥̪͑ ̸̗͑̓ ̴̥̳͋͘ ̷̼́̽ ̴̖͋͝ ̵̻͛̓ ̵̫͕̑̕ ̴̱̥̑̏ ̵̟̿͗ ̶͙̌ ̸͔̑̈́ ̶̳͋͝ ̷̫̣̽ ̸̡̔ ̷̳̯͒̄ ̵̈̑͜ͅ ̸̃͜ͅ ̴̪̮̀͝ ̶̗̄̇ ̸͉̈ ̵͉̆̚ ̶͈͈̃͌ ̸̹̓ ̶̗̤̒̄ ̸̣͕̈́͋ ̵͆̾͜ ̷̯̅̀ ̷͖͕͂̌ ̷̨͔̎̕ ̵̨̫̄͠ ̸͇̇̈́ ̵͖̼̈́ ̷̬͕̑̏ ̵̬͒̓ ̴̢̦̎ ̶̯͒̈ ̵͍̕ͅ ̴̨̠͊ ̵̺͇͊̄ ̷̭̇͜ ̷͎̓̄ ̵̡͇̄ ̶̝̀̎ ̵̞̾̋ ̷̪̪͒̕ ̵͍͛ ̴̝͈́ ̷̘̦̀ ̷̧͋̅ ̵͙̳͋ ̴͈̥͊̒ ̶̡̤͝ ̴̤̙̀ ̷̞͙̄̀ ̴͔͈͒̀ ̸̙̒ ̶̨̀͐ ̴̠́̄ ̸̩̼͊ ̸̻͖̆̎ ̴̢̊̔ͅ ̴̮̔̀ ̸̞̒̅ ̶̪͉͐̆ ̶̩̄̄ ̸̬͈̅̑ ̴̣̱̕ ̵̖͛̽ ̴̢̒ ̴̥̎ ̶͈͋̕ ̶͈͊͌ ̷͎̌̚ ̶̧̮́́ ̶̠͚̔ ̸̻̾̿ ̷̭̝͂ ̷͎̕ ̸͚̍͆ ̵̡͂͒ͅ ̸͚̎̏ ̴̱͎͗ ̸̖̅̌ ̴̬̑ ̵̖͖̔͒ ̸̙̳́͌ ̶̭͑͋ ̴̈́ͅ ̶̢͙̏ ̸̱͛̑ ̵͔̅̏ ̵͈̠͋ ̵̠̫̕͠ ̵̤̿ ̴̢͎͑ ̶̓͜ ̷͍͉͑ ̶̘̎ ̴̫̏͊ ̵̩͍̌̏ ̷̧̣͋̂ ̵̙̓ ̴̺̈̀ ̶̫͌̌ ̶̟̻͌ ̸̧͔͐ ̷̥̫͗͝ ̷̱͒̃ ̸͈͔̈́̈́ ̵̝̂ ̴͖́̌ ̵̯͍̍̂ ̶̦͐ ̴̠̈́ ̵̲̙͒̈́ ̶͎̙͘ ̸̬̦̅ ̵̘̔ ̸͉͂͘ ̶̙́̔ ̴̟̯̍ ̵̘̞͊ ̶̳͝ ̴̪͛ ̸̺͍͠ ̸̢̪̒ ̶̧̥̀ ̸̯̫͋ ̵̬͌

̶̞͑́ ̴̧͉́͑ ̷̢͂ ̶̫͎͒ ̸̼͊͜ ̷̦͓͝ ̴͆͠ͅ ̴͖̃ ̶̠̚ ̶͕̘̀̔ ̵͙̑ ̷̬͑ ̵̯̉͝ ̸͇͛̈́ ̸͈̎͜ ̷̘̠͊̎ ̵͚̿̏ ̸̞̈́͜ ̸̖̖̍̑ ̷͔̽͌ ̷͕̐͜ ̴͉̊ ̸̳́̒͜ ̴͚̀ ̵̧̬͐̐ ̷̺̫̂ ̵̻̓͜ ̵̻̒͐ ̴͖̏̏ ̷̧̈̃ ̴̭̒ ̴͉̋̚ ̷̗̅ ̸͍̝́ ̵̘̓͜ ̸̺̃ ̶̺̂̈ ̶͖̐̾ ̸͎̩̊̕ ̴̤̺͝ ̸̬̦̿̾ ̵̡̺̀̊ ̷͔̎ ̶̛͖͍ ̸̬̆͐ ̷̥̮̐̅ ̴̨̻̏̔ ̷͖̘͑̇ ̶͍͝ ̶̨͐ ̵̝͉̏ ̵̡͙̋̒ ̷̡̀̃ ̸̖̈ͅ ̷̢͍̽ ̵̺̩̓ ̷̭̭̽̑ ̷̞̲̓ ̵̘̃̋ ̸̈́ͅ ̸̢͆̄ ̵̘̏̇͜ ̶̢̰̇̈́ ̴͔̪̾̕ ̶̩̉ ̶̞̹͝ ̸̳̜́ ̶͚̲̔ ̴̢̊́ ̵̧̰̑͒ ̸͖̖̄͑ ̵̮̥̓̄ ̴̫͛̆ ̵̺̺̇͒ ̴̦̅ ̶͉̂ ̵͈̏͗ ̷̧̈̈́ͅ ̸̢͗ ̷͎̜̑̔ ̷̡̛̟ ̴̛̝͇̔ ̴̥̮̃ ̸̤̍ ̷̺͒ ̸̱̞̎͝ ̸̦͛̌ ̵̨̀ ̵̞̌ ̷̗̲̈́̉ ̶̼͖̉̚ ̷͓̂ ̵̪̐͛ ̷̢͐ ̵̙̥̈́ ̷̬̈́ ̴̮̗͌ ̵͎̖̃̌ ̵̖͇͒̒ ̶̙͕͋́ ̶̧̨̛ ̵͈͗̐ ̶̢̞͑̚ ̴̞̽̏ ̶̻̲͊ ̷̫̏ ̴̧͍̐ ̶̫͍̏ ̸̠̈́ ̸̻̿͝ ̴̩̭̊̏ ̵̢͈̾̎ ̵̻̋ ̶͔̥́̋ ̶̺̊́ ̷͉́̐ ̶̳̬̎͐ ̸͎̈̚ͅ ̷̗̝̈̍ ̵͖̲̃̑ ̶͉̹̄̉ ̵̯̇̂ ̸͔́ ̴̡̄ ̷̤̓̍ ̷͙̏̾ ̶̠̜͒ ̴̭̏̽ ̵̱͔̚ ̴̢̰̈́̕ ̶̟̉̓ ̴̡̐ ̵̭͗̽ ̷̲͋͒ ̷̰̋̌ ̵̦̈́ ̴̠̾ ̷̢͖͊͛ ̵̢̋͝ ̷͖̹͌̅ ̵̯͂͗ ̶̜̀ ̷̻̔͒͜ ̷̯͆ ̶̤͝ ̸̦̰͝ ̷̜͖͠ ̴̮̓̈ ̷̦̿̃ ̴̞͈͝ ̸̥̊ ̷͇́ ̶̣̩̌̓ ̶͍̂̒ ̶͌ͅ ̶̡̙͘ ̴̟̙̔ ̷̥͕̓͠ ̷̦̝͛ ̸̨͓̋ ̷̢̏ ̷͖͉͂̕ ̷̺͌ ̴͇͌̾ ̷̤͓͂̿ ̶͉̌ ̸͓̂ ̷͔̬̐̈́ ̷̞̆ ̵̱̹͂ ̵̧́ ̷̧͌͝ ̴͌͑ͅ ̷͙̈̌ ̴̢̃ ̵͓͐ ̴̰̻͆̔ ̷̗͉̽͌ ̸̦̭̀ ̷̟͆ ̷̥̳̍͝ ̵̠͐̂ ̴͉̩̇ ̵̄̽͜ ̶̲͔̓ ̴̰̪̑ ̸͎̽ ̶̨̅͊ ̶̝̝̍ ̸̣͑ ̴̳̓ ̵̟͋ ̵̜̌ ̶̡̀́ ̷̹̐ ̸̼̈̚ ̸̬͗͝ ̸̯̤̄ ̵̞̿̀ ̸͙̾ ̶̡͒͑ ̶̢͔͝ ̶̪͇̋͋ ̴͚͆ ̵̞͆̋ ̵̻͒ ̶͙̓͝ ̴͇͊ ̷̰̻̀ ̶̰͒̈́ͅ ̸̳̏ ̴̺̹́ ̴̭̾ ̸͍̣̓ ̵̺̿̃ ̷̥͍́̽ ̵͔̯̌ ̴̘͆ ̴̫̈́͗ ̵͘͜ ̴̳̋͌ ̷̹̀͠ ̴̦͘ ̷͈̲͆ ̸̟̰͊ ̷̩͊͘ ̸̤̩͌ ̷̻̣̇

.̷̰̰̱̾̂̊͘͠ͅ.̶͎̹̲̫̉.̵̭͓͒ ̴̭̰͙͇̞͛̓͂͛͒͗́̍ͅ ̸̨̢͎̖̟̯̔̍͜ ̶̹͕͍̹̪͚̜͇̝̑̈͗̂̕͜͝ ̴̨̟̻͖̹͆̃̃͒͆͠ ̴̯̦̯͎͚̻̲͓͙͈͑͗̂̎̿̂͂͌̃̕ ̸̜̹̣̫̘̻͕͉̝̝̓̈́̒͌̋̓̋͊́̎ ̵̭͕͎͉̗̣̹͇̲̉́ ̶̧̜͇͔̟͕̮̝͉͂̅̆̿ ̸̼̠͇̙͓͙̞̼́͜ ̴̹̞̝̀̀̈́̋̇̈́̚͝͝ͅ ̶͚͙̱̖̼̠̜͆̑̈̚ͅ ̶̨̯̞̔̈́́̍̿͝͝ ̴̰̬̟̊̀̇̃̍̊̈́͝ ̸̟̙̌͑̀̍͂͊̈́̚͝ ̷̙͓̩̈̈́̉̚ ̴͖̾̐̄̑͊ ̴̢̬̥̲̪̝̯̥̈͛͜ ̵͇̭̗̂́̍́͆͛̃͆ͅ ̷̩̠͓̜̱̺̩̿̓̈́͊͌ ̶̧̢̨̤̜̦̩̞̾̅͌̀͜͠ ̵̰̯̘̬̩͍͓̃͌̀͜ͅ ̵̠̘̹́̊͗̋͌ ̷͔̝̠̪̪̞̊̽́͠ ̶͉̅̌͝ ̴̻͕͇̲̲͇̩̦̥͇̆͂̓̑ ̷̧͐ ̵̦͔̬̗̲̽́̂͐̐́̿̚͠ ̶̢̺̗͍̮͔̝̫͇̙̋̈́̉͋͝͝ ̷̣̥̘͖̌̏̑̀̓͗͘̚͝͝ ̸̙̻͎̣̤̮́̅͌͒͗͜͝ ̸̡͍͖͚̙̱̬̎̏̃ͅ ̵̟̟͎̫̠̉̐̌̃̊̅̇̅ ̵̛̗̮̥̠͕͉̜̘͊̄͌̎̀ͅͅ ̵̢̳͍̻̼̼̻̯͎́̄͂̈͐͌͒̐͆͒ ̵̧̉̅̑̈́̇̎̃̊ ̷͚́͆́̈́ ̶̨̧̣͍͚̳̥̰̭̍̿̏̔̀ͅ ̵̨̻̤̭͔̮͍͖͂̆̎́͗͊̈́͒͜ ̸̡̥̳͓̭͖͖̪̖̦͋̎́ ̶̣̖̩̜͓̭̱͐̍̍̊̃ ̶̢̪͎̟̫́̾̅̏͘͝ ̵̤̖̣̭͖̿̿̐ ̵̥͔͎̼̜̽̏̑̊̒͘ ̴̝͍̱́́̈̋͆̓͆̓͝ ̸̲̫̞̪̅̍͐̓̕ ̸̡̮̩̔́̿͋̂͐̇͑̂̔̕ ̵̯̩͚͚̞͚̘̂͊̅́̐̚͜͝ ̷͔͍̖͌͐̉̋͐̄̿͊͑̌͑ ̶̢̱͈̐ ̴̡͈̪̳̩̫̯̋̓̿ ̸̞͈̙̦́ ̴̣͕̬̜͎̼̺̪̪̗̿͆̃ ̵̢̝̭̞͓̺̐̂̈́̅͗̃͐̾ ̸͈̮̩̤͕̭̥̪̙̇̈͘ ̵̢̖̥̮͈̏͌̔̍̔̆͜͝ͅ ̷̨̛̥̪̺͇̗͔̖̍̈̀̔̚͠ ̷̟́͑͋̀̎̍̓̉̕͜͠ ̷̨̩̥̟̮͕̹̣̍́̐͗̇͘ ̵̠̦͍̓ ̷̢̦̰͈͚̫͉̐̈́̑̈̎ ̸̜͈̤̯͖̠͇̐͠ ̵̘͓̱̱̥̓͠͠ ̸̛̗̙̬̐͆͗͊̃͋̀̊̚͝ ̸̢̢̢̛̞̻̦̟͙̘̱̒͋̋́̂͊̎̂͌ͅ ̸͇̞̜͈̲̬͌̎͛̉́̏̊͜͝ ̸̭̫̃̽̂͆̀̚͘ ̵̱̓̔̕ ̶̧̧̲͓̜͆͛͊̽̈́́̓̃̓̕ ̷̡͉̞̯͎̥̟̻͌̈́͐͆̏̽͑͊̽͌͊ͅ ̵̢̦̬͔̱̹͊̔̉̈̿̓͌͛̐ ̴̭̝̪̟͍̦̭͇̘͌̇́̎͌́͜ ̵̠̪̠̥̗̠̭͓̗̍̓̐̈́̑͑ ̶͖̖͍̻̬̙͓͕͂͋̀̑̋̈́̕ ̸̢̙̩͉̟̙̥̀̐̉͘ͅ ̶̥̈́̋̓̌ ̴̛͍̜͍̜̞͙̙̙͉̻̫́̔̓̌͌̓ ̴̫̖̿̄̂͆̂̈́ ̶̧̼̪̪̘̜̓̒͑͌͑̾̌̏̉͝ ̷̡̉̋̾̓͊ ̴̪̞͓͖͖̮̫̰͆͝ͅ ̷̧̨̦͖̗͚͍̩͎̞̤̅̀̇̾̃̐̇̀̊͝ ̵͉̱̦̬̣̹̞͍̟͚̈̃̒͛̽̋ ̸̭̘͓͎̤͕͎̭̮͗̉̐̿̄͊͘͜ͅ ̷̦̯̩̯̹͔̙̹͋̂̎̈́̈̾͗͑͋͋͠ ̴̪͍̗̥͍͌̈ ̸͉̘̹̌͑͗̽́̈͊̇̒̕͝ ̸̬͕͕͙̞͙̠͈͖̐̓̈̀͑̃͑͊͘ ̸̢̡̧̥͍͖͖͙͎͑̏̈͐̉̅̂̔͝ ̸̣͔̦̺̣̱̥͓̒̃͌̈́͊͐͠͝ ̴͓̹͕̖̗͙͔̘͚͂͋̈̈̎̋̈̈́͌̈ ̸͉̰͍̀͛͜ ̴̧̣͍̜̳̻͎̱͇̩̃ ̷̲͕͈̙̎̓̓̓́̈́̌̐͂͊͜ͅͅ ̷̛̯͈̤͕̀̄́̅́̽̍́͛͘ ̴̟̓̍̎̅̀̿ ̸̛̣̜̎̒́́̅̏̄ ̷̜̳͖͙̺͉́̓́̉̄͝ ̷͔̣̥͉͖̹͈̻̎͘ ̴̧̹͕̓͐̉̀̉͒̋͊̈̀̚ ̴͎̞̜͉͓͍̱̈́̃̏́̈̃̕ ̵̨̢̡̛̙̠͎̦̮͖̗̥̌̀̕ ̵̯̩̹̤̹͍̬͎̗̀̓̃͒͊͝ ̵̨̥̝͇̹̯̳̤̮͐͆̎̔̃̆͂̕͜ͅẈ̴̧̭̳̩͍̣͕͇̫̏̿̑͑̔͌̾̂͝͝ͅŏ̵̠̞̼͚̥̫̼̝̊̎͝r̸̮̮͚̲͆d̷̡̨̨̟͗̾̃̓͝ş̶̙́̈́̈́̇̕ ̵̨̭̖̝̹̜̗̫̗̟͚̀̏ ̴̡̰̗͉́̆̿̓͆̈́̚͜ͅͅ ̸̡̛͈͇͓͉̈̅̋ ̵̘̟̌̌̓ ̷̡̛̮͕͓̖͕̹̦̇̉͋͒̌̌̿͌͘ ̵̢͚͍̠̰̦̫͉͐̎ ̷̪͒̊ ̷̛̮̯͓̮̻͈̞͛̇͂̑͐̾͌͐̅̚͜ ̷̲͇͎̞̥͕̱̻̻̺̒̈́̈̐̿ ̸̨̦̱̹̪̯̖̝̥̓̈ ̶̨̝͆ ̵̢̼̹̹͎̗̲̝̌̂̅͑̅̈́͆͋̈́͝͝ ̴̢̗̘̠̖̠̼̞́̅̈́͗̍̌̍̅ ̷̡͖̹͎̩̥̤̦͓͎́ ̵̡̢͓̹͎̘̻̟͗̃̀͑̊̽̅̚ ̶̟̼̄͌ ̷̡͖̠̲̄̈̈́͗̊͝ͅ ̶̹͍̦͆̍̌́̉̚̚͜͝ͅ ̷͈̝́̓̐̿̉͒͘͝ ̶̨̢̖̯̹̬̘͈̾̈͗̂͌̕̚͝ ̵̯͇̩̞̯͇͔̫͔͊̂̈́́͜͠ ̷̮̪̹͇͓͓̮̰̯̍͑͜͝ ̸̜͍̲͎͈͛̄́̐̋͌͂̈́̚͝͝ ̵̢̧̥̞͚̠̣̪̱̳̈́̅̇͂͒̚̕ͅ ̵̢̯̫̙̲͖͙̟͈̠̌ ̷̢͈͙̤̜͝͝ ̷̧̙̱̘̱̙̤̪̬̂͐̽͋̏̽͝ͅ ̴̧̮͔̦̯̳̗̺͑́̋͊͂ͅ ̶̢̛̻̗̭̣̟̪̜͕̣͕͌̄͘ ̵̻̞̰̙͈͓̳̺̦̈́̋͋ͅͅ ̵̞͐̏͆̑̃ͅ ̸̨̡͖͛̔̏͝ ̶͙̥̉͛̿̆͗̅̍ ̴̢̡̖͙̤̥̦͓́̽̂͐͒͌̽ ̴͖̺̖̯̀͗͘ ̴͖͎̦͙̲͎͖̘͙̺̓̒̈̋ͅ ̵̥̯̀̇̓̆̚͝ͅ ̸̧̨̖͙̞̜̤̈́͜ ̵̺͔͉̝́͗̏̀̾͐̓ ̸̩̣̤͍̮̂̎́́͒ ̶̨̼̱͚̰̹̗̔͗͠ ̵̧̦̉́̃͋̃̎̽̈̕͘ ̶̨̺̜̭̘͛̈͐̽͂̉̓̆̒ ̸̧̨̛͔̬̜̯̬͉͓̺̌͑̀̕͝ ̶͇̰͕̈́̉͌̌̊͂͋̉͝ ̴̖͎̪̳̈́͒ ̸̖̣̱̺͉̹͈̻̅̓̃̇̐̄́̆̊͂͑ ̶͚̀̈́̊̑̈́͛̑̈ ̵̨̛͍̲̱͖͕̱͇͚͙̪͌̾̇̎̓ ̴̧͕͇̤͉̜̀̒̽ ̷̗̜̭̫͓͎̮͙̳̍͑̅̀ ̷͈̲̬̯͓͎̺͑͜ ̷̛̯̗̞̱̺̜͗́͆̈̆̔̚͝͠͠ ̴̡̭̖̭̺͔̬̼̬̼̒ ̵̪̣̀̈́̓̏͆͒́̈́͘ ̸͈͈͉̬̱̭͕͍͖̋̇̓̾̈́͆͛̆̅͠͠ ̷̭̜̓́̑̌̈́̀̓̇͝͝ ̸̻̰͉̜̞͕̠̅̓ͅ ̶̨̛̭̟͓̒͊́̓͌ ̴̗͙̹͈̈́̉̏̈́̐̒ ̵̖͕̘̣̘͍͉̫̜̲̬̍́ ̸̪͕̒͗̍̏̚͘͘ ̵̼̥̇̃̒̽̕ ̷͇͒̈͆͠ ̸̢̣̪̪̠̯͂͘ ̸̨͓̩̻̝̪̻̓̿́̆̽͋ͅͅ ̵̯͍͎̰̹̞̠̭͓͗ ̷̥̩̜̀̊̈̄̊̚͠͝ ̸̯̼̳̲̦͍̱̀̈́̀̌͜͝ ̴̡̥̰͉̭͇͚͈͐͐́̏ ̵̛̼̟̮̯͇͕͎͓̑̔́̉̉ ̵̨̢̖͉̦̦̹̥͉͍̈́́͐̓̀̄̈́ͅ ̵̡̞͎̣̝̼́̎̿̅͊͝ ̴̭̥͚͉̯̰͐͆̚ ̸̨̎̾͂͂̊̚͘ ̵̮̰͓̖̂̓̆͂̓̏̆̔͠͝ ̸͚̼̠͖̣͎͙̭̫̱̮͛̓͌͌͗̆̉̆͝ ̸͍̣͕̲̞̈́͐̾͌͐͛ ̶̻̖͕̦͖͇̫̖̾͊́͆͑̽́̚͠ ̸̡̳̗̤̤͚̪̀̈̂̎ ̵̡̞̪̘̝̼̈́̏͜͝ ̸̜̥͙̗̼̍̔̈̉͝ ̵̛͈̻̰̲͕̝̩̗̠̑́̈́̍̚͝͠ ̸̨̛̺͖̟̺̮́̽ ̷͓̯̝̹̭̤̥͖͆͘ͅ ̶̞͉̜̯͖̝̍͛͌͐̒ͅ ̷̫̀̂̌͗̒̈́̓̎̆̄͝ ̸͇͙̈́̏͗̑͗͝ ̷̨̼̰͍̲̺̹̞̰̼̮͌̌̒̐̈́̓͝ ̸̨̢̛̞̦͖̳̱̈́ͅͅ ̷̡̜̲̭͕͛̆͛̀͂͌̆̓̾̂͂ͅ ̵̧̨͍͈̪̂͂ ̸͔̗̲͓̳̝͗͂͋͜ ̷̬̳̪̬̘͖͓̹̊̍̈͛͊̕͘ͅ ̵̝̮͙͔̰̦̼̺͇͔̒̿ ̵̼͋̌̉̀̓̓̾̉̎̒ ̵̖̞̯͓͍̦̣̤́͛̂̓͌͌̿͂ ̸̝̩̜̞͙̪͕̮̍̀̿̿̑̉̅̋͠͝ ̷̡͇̥͕͎͖̬̹̹̗̏̀̓̈́̈́̇̇͊ͅ ̸̢̗͉͕͔͔̱̗̲̀̐̉̽̾̉ ̶̢̨̧̠̲͔͖̥͍̫͓͌̾̃͊̔̉̋ ̸̪͉͍̬͇̼͚͌̊̈́̈́͛ͅ

̴͉̙̝̲͇̦̥̝̀̇͗̌̋̂̿͘͝ͅ

̶̷̧̲͎̫̲͖͇̲͎̲͖̳̪̌̋̍̇̆̑͝ ̷̟̙̏̍ ̴̜̍̓ ̵̧̜̀ ̶̹͙́̑ ̴̘̽͒ ̵̯͋̉ ̷͍̿͝ ̶͕̾ ̷͈̀̍͜ ̷̩͊ ̸̿ͅ ̵̢̭͂ ̸͉̰͠ ̷͊̏͜ ̷̻̼́͝ ̸̥̔͗ ̴̠̿̈ ̵̰̋̂ ̴̔͜ ̶̟͂ ̶̨̖̉͊ ̶̭̰̐ ̸̠̅͛ͅ ̸̞̊ ̷̪͗̕ ̶͔̪̀ ̷͓̯̇̾ ̶͂͜ ̵̗̑̎ ̷͍̗͝͝ ̶̲̐̊ ̶̠̼̇̆ ̶̤̯͒ ̷̬̭̚ ̷͈̺́ ̸̛̣̊ ̴͕̪̃ ̷͉̻̅̒ ̶̲̻͋ ̶͈̈ ̵̯͛̚ ̴̩͑ ̴̳́͋ ̷͖̩͐̍ ̵̝͆͆ ̷͚͛ͅ ̸̘͙̓̅ ̴̫̈́̇ ̵̯̓ ̷̪͋̇ ̷͚̪̈̏ ̸̲̆̆ ̷͈̾́ ̵̣̂̋ ̷̦̗̿ ̵̢̈́̉ ̸͓̀ ̵̪̓̄ ̷̲̏͗ ̶̌͜ ̴̜͚̓ ̵̨̥́̍ ̷̨̹̈́ ̵̡̺͐ ̸̹̍̒ ̶͇̞̊ ̴̮̪͐̀ ̸̪̾̚͜ ̵̱̽̔ ̵̞͎̀ ̴̲̱͘ ̴͈̈ ̶̲̏̕ ̵̺͎̀̋ ̶̛͔̫̌ ̶̡̰̊̀ ̵̰̱̎̔ ̸͚̈́̆ ̵̠͗͛ ̴̬͔̆̚ ̶̢̓̋ ̷̤̈͋ ̶̱͐ ̷̰̓̏ ̷̘̏ ̴̮͋̉ ̷̖͕̿̚ ̷̗̈̈́ ̵͚̎̚ ̷̪̍ ̶̝͛͝ ̸̰̭̀̒ ̵̜́ ̷̙͒̓ ̶̺̹́ ̵̨̦̀ ̷͜͝ ̷̠̟̀ ̴̣̇ ̶̙̼̎ ̸̺̅ ̷͈̳́̆ ̸̡̬̂̊ ̸̫̯̈́̄ ̶̨̌̈́ ̸͗́͜ ̴̠̉ ̸̨̫͋ ̶̻̣̍͝ ̷͈̮͂ ̸̛̪̐ ̶̃͜ ̸͈̽ ̷̛̼ ̴̞̑̀ ̶̩̈͌ ̵͚̎͌ ̴̥̂͛ͅ ̷̣̲̈́̀ ̸̯̽ ̵̻̙̈́ ̴̧͙̽̊ ̸̳̺͒̚ ̵̞͑̉ ̶͕͖̈ ̸̯̓͘ ̸̫̻́ ̴̳̟̓͝ ̴̛ͅ ̵̠͈̌̔ ̴͕̇̍ ̸̖̉̌ ̸̗͋͝ ̴͍̐ ̴̨̀ ̷͍̇͆ ̶͚̍͠ ̴̰̰͝ ̴̡̽͒ ̶̲̏́ ̶̥̲͛ ̷̺͕̍̚ ̸̫͊͋ ̸̯̮̾̏ ̸̪͔̅̀ ̵̤̓̓ ̷͕̀̀͜ ̵̱͍̏ ̸̺͑͊ ̴̬̿ ̵̰̍͘ ̷̳̊ ̸͍̯́̅ ̴̱̜̋͒ ̶̙̽͜ ̴̛͎͌ ̵̛̥ ̵̙̏ ̸̮̑͝ ̵̖͋̃ ̵̤̭̽́ ̵̪̘̑ ̶̣̼͌̈́ ̴̡̛̰ ̴̛͈͔̅ ̵̡̤͂ ̴̳̅ ̶̝̱̑̈́ ̵͎̪͝ ̷̟͕̓ ̶̞̉ ̵̤̈́̄ ̴̜͆͋ ̵͈̆ ̴̭͎̋̀ ̴̼̃͠ ̸̯̊ ̶̧̻̒̄ ̸̝͊͗ ̷̛̰͝ ̵̢̩͒̈́ ̷̢͚͝ ̷͉̤͗ ̸̙̜̇̇ ̴̠͝ ̶͔̘̉́ ̶̝̞̑ ̸̢̝̂ ̵̟̏ ̵̮̅͒ ̸̻̒ ̴̡̩͝ ̵̘̿ ̵͈͇͑ ̵̧̨̍͒ ̴̨͆ ̵̘̃̏ ̵̥̊͝ ̸͖̈́ ̸̏ͅ ̵̫̿ ̵̹͌ ̸̭̼͂̎Ē̸̪̺̓.̷̫̝͂T̴͍͇͐͝.̸̡̄͐ ̷̪́́ͅp̶͕̅̾h̴̹̄͝ō̵̭̔ń̷̜͐ë̴̗͜ ̵̟̽̈h̴̨̺̊̂ở̸͍̈m̶͎̺̉ę̵̐

̵̳̭͊ ̶̦͒̈ ̷̠̩̓ ̶͓̑ ̴͇͑ ̶̩͝ ̷̞͑ ̷̝͙̓̆ ̸̱͆ ̷̧͙̅ ̵̡̄͝ ̴̖̊͝ ̵̖̞͊ ̴͔̭̓ ̴͙̞͒̐ ̷̣̈́̂͜ ̷͉̂ ̸̋͜ ̵̑̿͜ ̵̻͈̈́̌ ̸͙̎ ̷̞̇͂ ̸͕͘ ̵̘͠ ̶̯͔͋́ ̵̲̬̊ ̶̭̀̃ ̶̙̫̄̈́ ̴̛͔͐ ̶͕͊̕ ̴͙̉̈́ ̵̰̲͋͌ ̷̜̽ ̴̭̗̒͐ ̵̤̂ ̵̧̬̉ ̵̤̥̂ ̶͉͔͊ ̴̝̃̓ ̵̼̇͋ ̸̻̌͊ ̴̙̾̉ ̴̪́͠ ̶̤̝̅͑ ̸͔͚͐͌ ̵̦̥̎̋ ̸̧͉͗ ̸̜͎̊ ̴̩̝̀͘ ̶̢͔͛̌ ̸̳̒͐͜ ̴̬̙̆ ̴̨̤͝ ̶͇̇̚ ̷̤͐ ̷̥̰̚ ̵̹͛ ̷̘́ ̸̫̾̉ ̶̳̈́̕ ̸̟͓̈ ̸͔͚͛ ̸̛͎̹́ ̵̡̼̀͗ ̶̣̤̄̚ ̵̡̓̈ ̸͕͛ ̶̱͒̅ͅ ̷̩̞͠ ̷̢̛̅ ̶̭̺̚ ̷͎͔̔́ ̷̘̩̃͝ ̵̝̒ ̶̲͑̅ ̴̙͉̐ ̴̣̭̋ ̶̞̺̐̇ ̶̧̘̅ ̶̰͎́ ̷̗͋͛ͅ ̷̨̹̽͝ ̵̜̉ ̷͕͍̐ ̷̹̱̔̈ ̸̗̃̎ ̶͙̓͂ ̴̰̹̀ ̷̝̄ ̶̫̱̅ ̸̯͂ ̷̙̓̽ ̷̭̟̒Ḯ̴̥́ ̷͓̈́͜s̴͉͍̾e̶͙̳͆ê̴̺̟ ̵̧́d̵̨̝̂e̷͓̕ä̴̟́͌ḑ̴̼̌ ̷̣͛p̴̗̋͜ȇ̸̢͍o̴̟̽p̶̟͌ḻ̸͙̃̍ȩ̷͇̈́̿ ̶̙̐͜ ̷̛̺ ̶͕́ ̸͍̏ ̴͈̣͛͝ ̶̲́̈́ ̸̭͆̀ ̵̤̉ ̵̤͑ ̷̥̎ ̸̨̰̒̕ ̶̖͚̕̚ ̴͓̂ͅ ̷̯͐̓ ̵̗̐̒ ̷͔̖͛ ̶͎̐ ̶̧́͊͜ ̷̬̙̍ ̵͍̀̕ ̷̤̋͝ ̵̲̈́̈́ ̶̭̿͝ͅ ̵͖̣̑̓ ̸͇̋ ̸̗̎͘ ̵͉̒́ ̴̩̮͐́ ̸̠̇ ̵̟͙̀ ̵̧͙̃ ̴̺͂̇ ̵̺̹́̚ ̵̮͘ ̷͙̍͝ ̸̠̙̔ ̶͖̐ ̶̘͍͛̾ ̶͓͐͗ ̸̭̥͋ ̷͖̔̆ ̸̅̚ͅ ̷̲̇ͅ ̵͔̋ ̸̰̞̓ ̶̯́ ̷̟̽ ̴̬̘́̾ ̶̫̯͌̚ ̸͍͍̈́ ̷̢̝͊̊ ̴̞̖̓̾ ̸̮̈́͗ ̴̩̿ ̷̞͇͌̾ ̵͙̱̉ ̵̭̲̽ ̸̬̗̎ ̵̘͇̔ ̶͈͊ ̶̖̽͝ ̶̼̙̄ ̸͉̎ ̸̧̥̚ ̷̹̥͌ ̷͕̩̒̆ ̶͓̓ ̷͚̫̂͘ ̷̡̰̄ ̶͇͑̊ ̵̪̕͠ ̴̗̬̓͠ ̶̪̕͜ ̵̼̎ ̴͔̩͛̾ ̵̫̯̄ ̵̢̪͘ ̸͖̌ ̷̻̺͘ ̵̞͂̚ ̸͍͗ ̸̭̍ ̵͚͌̕ ̷͚̔̄ͅ ̶̱̆̒ ̵͕̏̕ ̵̮̳͌ ̴̢̊ͅ ̵͉͝ ̵̗̚̕ ̴̦̙̃̐ ̸̞͉̇ ̸̰͒ ̴̰̝̋́ ̴͍͆̀ ̵̙̥̿ ̴̺̤̒̓ ̴̪̭̚ ̴̘̦̿ ̷̰̇͜ ̵̡̱͛̈ ̷͕͓̏̕ ̸̮̣͊ ̷̨̣̈́ ̷͓̀̚ ̵̧̛̄ͅ ̵̹̕͝ ̵͉̻͝ ̵̘́ ̴̙̀ ̶̱̾ ̴͕̪́ ̷̗͠

.̵̛̺̖̰̞͔̘̠̱͍̠̰̟̘̝̜̬̱̺̩̼͈̺̳̪̬̀̇͂̌̍̐͂̆͒͒̒̋̓̚̕͠ͅ.̸̡̡̛̝̣̣̖̺̻͍̤͉͖͈̯̬̼̟͉̩̣̦̝̤͙͂͑̅͊͒̃̎͛͌͒͘̚͘͠.̴̡̰̮̥̫̞̹̜̪͕͍̱̜͈̱̯̰͕̫̳̣͉̰̯̿̓͂̒͊͆̍̐͆̆͛̃̅̍̊̉̄̎̾͌̃̏̄̅́̒̽̃͘̕ͅ ̸̧̪̣͙̳̹̩̲̙͕͍̳̀͊̈͝ ̴̢̧̛̯̟̯̙̱̮͕̞̹͇͇̲͔̜̫̟͉̱̮͙̖̙̥̭͙̖̉̉̑͌́͆͛̏̿̎̏̉̐̍͋́́̆̈̊̌́͘͝͠͝ͅ ̸̡̛̅̓͛̆̇͌̋̀̐̿̅̓͆̓̒̓͛̈̽̅̍̇̌̚͘͘͜͝͠ ̸̨̝͇̩̠̬̝̙̠̼̪̖͎̣͈͍̬̩̬͚̼̫̠̲̥͎̞̅̓̑̎̌͆͛̄̒̉̓̀͒̈́̆̃̔̓̈́̇̆̽̚͘͜͝ ̶̯̼͔̼̣̳͈̼̪̹̤̲̩̩̙̝̫̖͚̜̀̃̑̀̌̀̿̌͋͊̀͌̈́̂̈́̚͘͘̕ͅ ̸̛͈̳̔͂͒̄́̇̏̄͑̍̄̉͝ ̴̘̺̄̈́ ̵̩͙̪̗̞͑̈́̃̊̍̍̽͆͛̓͒͛̒̆̿̌̀̓̂̾̇͛̏̕͘̚̚ͅ ̸̮͎̼̈́̊̆͂̕ ̶̧̡̡̹̦͎̥͙͙̰̖̠̺̤̥̹̠͇̳̼͇̤͚͍͍̅͆̈́̔̃̈́͂̃̾͌̑̎́̒̈͐̏̊̀͋̌̅̚̚̕͜͠ ̶̡̞̩̺͔̭̜͓̰͚̠̳̝̿̽̎͛ͅ ̴̡̧̨̥̗̪͚̝̙̥̱̜͂̀͒̂̈́̾̔̒̉̐̓͗̄̽͒̐́̓̅̎̍̀͠͝ ̶̨̻̱͍̺͚͎̬͈̘̳͔̩̫̮̮̲̘̣̪̗̀̓̀͋̎̀͜͜ͅ ̸̛̮̲̥͎͈̪̞̫͓͈̹͔̮͙͓̭͕͙̖̣͈̙̗͈͈͂̊̓̅̾̑̿̐̀̀̒̽̾̃̓̂̏̊̎̅̕͘̚͝ ̵̡̢̱͍̯̬̼̭̝̖̩̲̖̣̥̰̠̭̼̻̩͚͖̳̬͔͚̐̋͛́̿̉͒͑̍͌̀̂͜ ̴̧̧̮̼̲̼̟͓̞̳̤̖̳̝̫̭̫̹͔̰̪͈̳͙̯̪̳̩̖̝̆̾̄͌̇̋̔͐̐̔͋̈́̒ ̵̧͍̥̹̼̥̺̰͉͉͉̞͙̯̩͙̤͎̈́͌̒͒͗ ̷̢̛̯̲͍̦͖̖͈̺̪̥̘̙̹̟͈̞̃̐̃̅̒̇̾̌̈̀̆͐͛̅͋̓̄͛̿̀͂̎͛̈͘͝ͅͅ ̸̻̱͎̖̜̱̬̘̟̮͎̬̲̪̗̘̳̱̅͛̽͌̏͑́̀̑͐̍́͂͒͒͆̽̉̋̐̓̇̊̿̀̈́͐͑̂͜ ̴̛͎̞͇͇̝͙̞̟̝͇̗̰̼̞̓̓̉̎̈́̓͂̈́̆͐̈̋̋́̄̐̅̋̓̐̊͑͘̚͠͠ ̷̡̢͍̣̦͓͍͚̹̩͖̤̟̗̰͇̲͓͔̙̘͙͖̩̗̪͉̘͛͑͗ ̸̯͍̹͔͕̗̣̉͒͋̑̋̉̐͋̂ ̶̡̢̡̖͕͈̪̳̯̗͕̬̮̭̼̤̗̤̙̥̘͎̠̘͇͚̏̾̑̍̌́̈́͠ ̵̢̛̝͉͉͎͖̥͎̙̟̦̱̟͕̭̘̣̯̺̞͚̋͆̑͋̓̃́͋̓̍̈́̓̈́̕ ̸̡̨̧̧̡̨̼̘̗͈̟͔͈̳͉̭̳̺̼̩̺͎̫̩͉̦͚͔̖̋̿͂͌̄͒̆̀̑̍͗̓͋̓͒̽͌̉͋̇̽̽̀͋̽́̚͘͠ ̵̳̰̺̗̬̖̩̆͊͒͂̓͌͂͂̆̓̍͆̋̕͝͝͝ ̷̢͙̯̺̺̝̠̗̪̜̺̙̞̻̘͕͎̺̙̔͆̊̄̓̐́͌̍͊́̅̈́̈̃̆͒̚̚͝͝͝͠ͅ ̶̡̢̡̢̡̡͈͓̠̹̟̥͕̞̼̺̜̖̳͎̙̰̖͖̟̩̼̀̽̇̿͂̄̌̐̂̎̐͊̏̏̅̔̈́͗̀͐̈́̈́̚͘͘͜͠ͅ ̷̜̞̩̗̻̑̓͋͛͊͂̊̈́̊ ̵̢̧̢͚͙̼͚̻̭̝͙̊͐̏̈̎͊̃̏ ̸̨̨̧̮̤̦͔͍͉͖̤̭̖̘̘̮̙͖̜̩̱̤̯̼̭͉̞̱̬̜́̓͛̄ ̵̧̞̭̥̤̣̼̻͓̠̦̯̰̖̘̳͉͔̖̻̤͔̟̟͔̟̘̠̓͊̾̉͆͜͜ ̴̧̧̧͍͇̲̫̪́͒́̒̈̌͝ ̶̢̨̛̲͎̩̳̥̦̜͎̲͖̪̹̱̘̭̩͚͔̘̪͎̒̈́̇̓̆̊̓̋͌͐̀̂̆̊́̄͂̑̋͆̏̀̽͘͜͝͝͝ͅ ̴̢̧̨̻͍͇͚̼̻͇͉̝̝̗̥̥̝͕̀ͅͅ ̶̼͕̭̣̞͎̞̤̫̲̳̰̋͒̈͛̓̒̏͘̚̕͜ ̵̗̞͚̤̟̳̙͍̞̪̗̟͎̜̦͆̎̎̾̌͌́͌͂́̇̈́͆̓̅͆̕͝͠͝͝ ̸̧̡̛̛͔͚͙̭͈̦͇̳̖͎̖̟̰̼̺̦͙̠͔̬̻̫̈́̓͋͂̓̎̾̍̆̀̌̋͌͋̈́͋͋̍̇̀͐̊̂̚͘̕͜͝͝ͅ ̵̨̨̯͇̠̺̳̖̤̙̝̈́͑̃͊̇̓̔̌̎͂̈́̉̑̈́͛͂̈͘͝ ̴̨̜̝̳͙͇̭̫͉͙̤̣̬̮̯͙̝̭͖̐̕̕͜͜ ̸͚͐̊́̿̃̐̊̂ ̵̡̫̘̼͈̘̖̙̰͉̖͓͈̳̙̃̓͐̐̊̌͌̒̀͒́́͋̊̽̽̌̽͘̚͜͜͠ ̵̨̨̛̠̪͈̼͉̟̗̪͖̦̯͕̘͉̞̰̲͉̊̾͌͌̈́̓̈̃́̽́̐̒̈́̍͆̀̓̃͜͝͝͝ͅ ̸̡̡̛͙̫̭̯̯̳͓̙̲̮̟͕̦͖͓͈͓͚̥̠̼̺̳̝͌̌̽͛̆́̃́̿͗̿͑́̍̿͑͐̏̎͌̊͋͐̕̚̕͜͝ͅ ̸̛̜̉̽̿̄̉̏͐̈̊̓̓̂̑̀͊̈̆́͘̚̚ ̷̢̨̡̩̩͕͚̗̩̠̙̬̣̮̯̄̾̈́͋̎̈́͂͐̎̍̄̏̽̐̿̐̎͛̓̓̈̇̚͜͜͠͝͝ ̸̰̺͔̞̼̼͑ͅ ̵͖͓̘̩̖̹̩̲̣͑̓́̅̔̋̄͑̔̔̄͗́̇͑́̄̃̓̄̅̆̕͘̚͠ ̸̢̨͔͚͈͕͍̜͔͇̹͓̹̙͇̗̗̦̥̖̼̝͌̄̉̎̀̌́̐͋͜͜͠ ̷̧̧̖͓̬̜͕͍͙̭̤̹͈̅̀̀̓́̐̈ͅ ̸̢̲̞̝̣̫͔̪̟̺̹̱̺͈͙͍̱̖̲͈͒̆̾͋̄́̔͂̓̑̓͋̓̆͗́̐́̿͠ ̶̨̡̨̛̲̜̫͇̠̱̞̝͚͚̳͎͉̖͓̼̱̙̠̖̻͖̼͙̓̒̂͌̏̊̀̉́͗̊̐́͌͐͒́̿̀̒͜ ̴̨̧̜͔͉̲̦̹̼͎̖̱̻̱͈̣̬̬̬͈̣̜̬̙͔̀͗͋͌̄̈̀̐̈́̀͗͐̔͌͂́͒͒̄̏͆̒̅͋͑̐̀́̚͠ͅͅ ̶̧̨̨̡͓͖̮͓̮̦͚̳͍̲̖̝͚͖̟̪̖̬̼̹̖͍̟̋ͅ ̵̛̳̫͑̎̓̉̃̄̍͑͑̏̋͗̔͜ ̶̛̯͈̠͇͈̘̖̰̬̮̳͈͕̰̹̼̲͖̰̘̙̀̓̐̍͒̅̄̽̂̄̊̂̍̈́̾͠͠͝ͅ ̸̨̭͕̱̟͓̳̿͗̋̉̌̏͆̓̿͆͂̔͊̈́͆̋ ̶͈̘̈͗̽̈́̀̋́̿̌̈́̋̈́̆̏͆͊̉̔́̽̄̌̈́̑̈́͘͠͝͝͠ ̴̳͍̮͉͕̱̟̖̗̼̟̰̝̤̹̳̦̣̒̃̌̈̔͑̄̍͆͌̓̆́̑̏̆̏́̍̋̀̕͘͜͝͝ ̸̡̮̹͙͚̝̘̮͕͖̰̝̯̫̜̙̻͈̹̓̈ͅ ̴̢̛͇͙͙͎̞͇̩̘̫̠͔̠̺̫͔͕̬̫̭̘̙̣͚̖͚̋͒̓̕͜ͅͅ ̴̡̦̺̹̩̦̻̠̯̗̯̤̺̯̼̠̰̯̫̰̟̠͚̤͈̼͙̽͋ ̶̢͉̻̘͉̦̘̰̩̗̥̙̗̞̬̖̔͗̐͋̿̃̇̚͝ͅ ̴̨̢̛̲̳̲̫̝̹͖̣͙̺̺̪̩͉͇̄̒̌̆̀̀͒̎́̎̊̓͒̐̊͘͘ͅͅ ̷̢̧̗̞̥̜̗̘̖̳̮̜͎̗̹̠̘͉̭̤̳̫̜͈͖̬̘̻̞̘͋́̆ ̷̧̨̢̢̡̜̣͓̗̖͇͖̙̘̟̯̤͓̯͔̙̭̞͖̣͙̭̜̉̏̀́̈̑́͂̉̇͊͑̏͜͠ ̵͚̮̻͈̙̦̥͇̪̝̱̑̎̋̈́͂́̓̿̇̉̇̈́͘͠ͅ ̷̢̡̡͕͚͖̠̭̩͉̠̱̼̰̙̬̬̝̩̯̥̘͎̫̫̝̰̈̄̏͛͆͗̍̃̾̀̎͑͊̒̈́́̂̅̈́̀͘̕̚̚̕͠͠ ̸͙̝̗̦̘͓̳̰̩͂̐̒̇̇̈́̾̈̎̾́͂́̒̀̎̇̋̄̿̈́̉̎̑̑́̕̚͜͝ ̸̧̪̰͓̯̙̲͇̟̳͈͙͍̀͐̀͋̆̂̊̽̎̓̈̂̓̽̔͘͘̕̕͜ ̶̨̳̬̗̤͎͕͓̦̯͍̹̣͚͚͉̙̟͔̭̜͖̉̊̔̐̌̎̔̈̃̊͑͒ ̸̨̢̝̱̝̞̺̼̖̩̖̬̫̟̬͍̣̝̮͖͈̜̐̽̎͗̆̑͒̔̈́̿͛́̎̌̏̓̒͑͋̽͘̕͝͝ ̴̨̧͙͙̦̠̭̞͈͓͖͓͙̙̹̰̻̈͑̉̓̈̓̏͂͛̇͐̐̆̇̎̔̅͊̈́̏̄̚͘̚̕͝ ̵̢̧͉̣̥̝̞͙͉̪̖̯͔̟͚͎̮̾̅͐̆̉̓͜ͅ ̴̧̡̧̛̱͉̗̘͙͍̬̝̰͍͉͂͂̾̈́̂̔͂̓̇̔̎̈͊̽͂̕͘̕͜͝ͅ ̵̧̡̧̧̳̟̺͖͍͕͉̙̥̈́̋͒̍̇̂̂͌͐̓̃͑̀͒̈́͒̎̐̾̍͊̀̑̇́̚͝͝ͅ ̴̰͈̳͖̀̅̿̏̀̑̂̋́͛͋̓̊̉͛͌̿̿͠ ̵̛̣͇̆̿̔͆̈́̇͆̾́͒͑̾́͒̄̅̈́̐̓̒̿͠͝͠͠͠ ̸̗̰̬̮̒͘ ̷̫̪̖̩̮́̀͌̄̀͘ ̶̡̢͔̮̭̭̦̫͈͔͖̱̟̹̳̥͚̯̭̤̲͙͑͌͑͋́̍̚͝ ̸̧̧̢̩̦͍̘͍̱͙͉̻̬̬͇̣͚̺̫̳̘̞̹̥̹͍̦̲̯͐̀̔͆̏̿̑͂́̉̈͘͜ ̶̜̹͉̟̫̦̙͎̽̓̏̊͆̓͗̈́̽̒̚̕̕͠͝ ̷̨̳͎̖̺͕̼̩̫̠̞̮̳͚̘̩̞͙͓̘͕̪͇̘̞͈̦̥͛̈́͒̏͐̂̎̀̒͗̇̅̃̾͆̋͝͝ͅ ̴̖̳̀ ̶̳͉̠͓͖͕̹̩̳̪̣̳͌̓̈́̍́̐̃͝ ̴̢̢̧͈̲͖̙̦͉̖̺̰̣̞͓̞̻̙͉̫͚̦͓̱̇̄̾͋̄̏̅͌̏̋̾͊́̑̉͘͘͜͝ͅͅͅ ̸̢͚̲͇̘̙̣̩̜͉̻̳̹̼̞̩̫̫̝͓̰͕̱͖̠̭̝̼̲́̆̓͝͝ͅ ̴̨̨͓̥̪̯̖̝̖̗͇̥̞̼̭̲̘̳̙̻̺̦̪̗̰̲̲̱̞̉͂̓̎͗̿͂̇̀̓͗̎̕͜ ̸͉͍͖̤͔́̉͌̑̄̈́̌̈́̇̒̍̀͗ ̴̡̢̧̧͈͈̮̟̟͓̰̞͉͚̤̤̠̬̰͈̟̑̒̌͌̈́̍̀́́̒̃̈́͋͗̏̀͂̈́̍̅̂͆̕̚̚͝͝ ̶̡̛̛̛͔̮̤̳̩̙̹̣̤̳͉̦̙̣̼̥͚̤̮͓̜̫̜̖͆͗͑̃̀͆̋̊͐̌̏̎̋͋͛̀̀̽̀͝͝ͅ ̷̪̔̐̔̀̈́̊̈́̔̽ͅ ̷͈͒͒̌͐̍̂̇̀̒̒̓̒̎̈́̂̀͂̆̾̏̓͗͛̌̋̂̕͘͘͠ ̷͈̜̮͛̃͛̒͌̏͗̍̈́̌̽̎̽͝ ̸̹̬̭̹͔̏̓̎̉̍̔̆͒̍̿͗͂̔̔̂̃͋͘͜ͅ ̴̛͎͉̲̤̞̳͔̠̂̉́̀̎̅̅̉̈́̽̃̊̀̈͜͠ͅͅ ̶̨̪̼͈̹̤̱̤̇̀̉̽̒̈̾͐̆̌̓̍̒͐̾̇̂͂̽̐̓̓͋̕̚͜͝ ̶̡̢̛̻͍͙̣̼͚̤̳̠͖̺̜̰̜̻̦̥̪͔͇̯̹̟̣̯̳̐́̊̓́̍̏̉́̓͂̋̇̆̍͑͋̀̀͘͘͘͝͠͠͝͠ͅ ̵̺͕̘̭͙̬͙̻͈̄ ̶̢̡̛̱̲͎̳̣̱͔̙̳̝͓̻͎̠̥̫̦̺̱̗̥̪̟͗̀̀͌́͒̓ͅ ̸̡̡̤̳͍̩̼̗̝͇̞̝̪͖̤̓̌͑͑̊́͋͊̐͆̄̌͐͆̌̿͂͠ ̶̢̧̨̛̛̫̝͖̪̜͕̗̣̰̙͈͖̥͎̪̈́̇̂̾͊̈̋̕Š̷̄͊̀̓̓̅͆͛̊̀̀̔̕͝͝ͅą̸̧̡̩̫̙̤̮͔̯̱̺̮̺̬̩̞̜̭͈̻̺͎̣̲̖͓͉̦̜͌v̷̡̗͙̥̩̫̙͉̮̪̲̟̥͉̦͚̥͉̹́̉̀̔͐̊̊́̓͐̓͠ę̵̯͉̳̤̜̘͚̗̺̝̘̠̥̳̯̞͕͖͊̐̋́͂́̂̃͐̓̅̾̇̄͘̚͜͝͠͝ ̴̢̮̺̯̜̈͒͑͂̚1̸̢̨̧̛̛̛̥̟̠̠̭̭̜̗͓̰̬͎̥̪͖̭̳̰͚̝̩̥̤̼̤͚̔̂́̓̂̍̓̒͐͐͊̒̃͛̈́͒̐̄̔͌́̚̚͜͠5̸̡̢̬̦̩͙̞̦̫̙̰͙̣̫̺̗̜̥̮̥̥̫̖̫͗̑̓͗̅͐̾͑̒̔̍̃̅̏̊͝͝ͅ%̴̢̨̰̰̘̖͉̪̖̯̠̑̔̅̈́̈̿̋̓͊̌̊́͂́͊͐́͑̎͒̽̊̐͌̍̚̚̕͘ ̸̢̡̡͈̫̹̦̩̼̙̯̺̝̽̆̅̓̑͊̉̾̈̀̈̀̄̌͛̾͋̑̇͠ͅǫ̸̡̬̬̺͓̲͉̘̗̜̩̬̜̭̰̦͔̯̩̾ŕ̸̲̗͇͚̦̭̳̩̭̲͓͍̈́̐̃́̽̍̑̓͋̐̆̊̍̓̆͊͊̔̂͐̈́̓̃̎̋̚͘͜͠͝͝ ̵̢͚̰̝̙̣͔̹̘̅̔͒̇̓̑͋̏͗̎̎͒̄̽́̑͠͝m̴̟͔̪͔̞͚͎̘̥̺̩̰̭̳̖͚̬̙͖̲̱̌̋͂̍̾̀̆̅̓̒̾̇͒̾̽̈́̑̽̓̽̀͘͝͝ͅó̵̢̳̥̦̥̞̼̺̜͖̩̰͓̫̹͍̗̤̀̓́̏͌͂̒̽͆̎͂͛̀̊̌̂̈́̑̇̆͐̋̈́͝ͅŕ̵̡̢̧̡̡̡̛͍̟̞̭͚̟͇̭̹͙͉̲̭̟̫͖͚̦͇̾͒̄͗̊̎̍̿̔̏̂͒̊̀̀͛̔́́͋̾̋̓͜͝͝ͅẻ̶̠̮̼̖̤̹̺̻̱̲̮̜͉̜̼̫̂͒͌̌̍͜͠ ̵̡̨̩̮̼̳̯̖̘̫͙̠̞̮̩̠͂̇́̓̾̏̐̆̃̋̄̽̓̄̊́̅̅͊̅͆͊̇́̒͂̚͘͜͠ó̷̧̧̢̧͎̯̗̦̙̳̻͔͖͖͙̭̠͖̺̝̱͙̙̠̟̟̘̝̱̀̒͂́̋̍͂́ṉ̸̨̢̛͈̝͖͈̥͈͚̭̘̰͎̦̯̬̭͍̱̘͇̠͑̎̀́̎̓̇̄̊͑͐̀͐̍̓̓́͋͒̅̀̄̽́̀͜͜͝͝͠ͅ ̸̧̻̦̙̰̻͔̭̳̃̌̀̍̽͊̀͒́͒̂͘ͅč̴̛̤̰̌̍̒́̏͗͂͒̍̿͘̕͝ȁ̵͈̜̦̮̐̇͊̌̏̉͊͋͌̈́̔̈́̃̇͋̇͐̔͘͝ŗ̷̧̧̻̘̘̹͕͇̤̻̯͍̹̱̭͍̏͒́̊̄̑̊̈́̈́͋̌̂̂̋̈́̃̏̃̍̐͘͝ͅ ̴̓̍̉̌̈̓̈̍͒̈̒̂͐͊͊́̓́̕̚͝ͅĩ̸̧̨̛͉̯͖͙͉̦̣͖͉̺̰̯̫̖͎̜̯͓̝͍̜͚̊̾̊͗̂̑̈́̅̅̿͌n̶̢̡̢̹̞̜̟͔̙̰̰͙̙̺͍̰̲̞͇̩͇͔͐̓̂͜͝ș̷̢̛̛͚̪̙̽͊͒̄̑̔̒̇̋͊̇͘͘̕ṳ̴̢̘̳͍̭̪̯̩͓̭̤̫̦̔̃̒̿͌̇̍̆̇̈́͋̾́̂̋͛͌͆͘r̷̛͚̖̖̪̪͉̼̪̻͛̄̈̕ͅà̴͖̌̀̌̏̋̿̀̋̅̈́̏̾͊̀͂͒͋͐̒̇̑̈͌̔̈͘̕͝͝ṉ̴̠̹̮̣̩̦̘̳͉̜͇̫̮̊̑̒͐͋̾̓̐͆̑̾͆̇̒͂̆͐́͘̚͜͝c̶̡͖̻̲̱̖̦̜̟̩̲̩̦̟͎̈̎̉̏̌͊͋̀̑̑͋̔̓̕͜͜͝͝͠ë̶̛̳̖͓̫̬͙͉͙̹͓̜̬̦̫̭̲͉̯̣̫̗̲͓̦̮̫̾͐͗̍̽̀̂̑̃̓̐̀͑̌̆̈́̽̈́̍̊̈́̀̚̚͠

̴̡͓̗̲̻͙̫̙͇͉̲̅͗̇̅̀̂̈́̒̀̏̔͋̌̆̈͂̀͒̔͂̾̕̚͠ ̵̨̨̛̬̬̦͔̺̙̝̯͍̫̭͎̰̗͉͓̘͔̲̺̗̯̙͖̰͑̽̈́̔͆̍̈̀̓̆̏͐͜͝͝͝ͅ ̵̧̛̠͉͙̖̲̺̤͈̠̺̣̝̻̼̤̬͇̤̠̘̩̘͚͋͆̈́͌̾̓̔̓͌̍̈́͊̃͗̽́̓̄̕͘̚̕̕ͅ ̶̧̢͓̮̹̪͔̣͚͔̣̻̪̫͕̌̀̈̃̈́̃̽̓̅̽͂́͑̆͋̀̃̆́͌̿͐̀̆̇̆̊͘͘ ̶͔̖̟̠̘͚͉͍̻͕̱̞̮̗̜̫̬̻͔̝͕̤̼̮̯͚̳͍̎͊̀̅̇͋͆̈͛̽̾̔͋̇̊̇͐̀̾̃́̌̍̓͘͜͜ ̸̡̧̛̯̺͎̮̘͙̹̣͍̜̦̹̼̬̱͔̺͚̹͊͒̌̋̃̂̏͑̊̽̅̃͂̓̐̔͂̋͜͜͝͠ͅͅ ̶̧̧͎̹̯̲̘̙̩̤̤̝̼̪̤͖̯̭̘̳̥̫̱̝̪͙͉̳́̀̈́͋͗͗̑̊̚͜ ̷̡̢͖̝̳̖̲̻̘̯̝̣̦̹̥͔̭̜͉̖̋̑̈́̓̽̆́͑̂̃́̒͌́͑̍̕͜ ̸̨̢̡̱̙͕̣̬̼͈̠̭̺̱̭͇͍̱͑̇͛̽̈́͆͛̽̾̋̊̅͒̒͒̂̓̆͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͝ͅ ̸̩̟̝̺͒̅̎̑̅́̾͂͌̐̀́̓͐̾̎̌͋́̓͘̚̚̕̚͝ ̸̧̛̫̤̤̙̭̼̳̱̰͎̣̱̻͍̦̰̳̥̠̿͑̏͒̇̍̔͗̄̒̔́̈́̓́͆̚͜͜ ̶̡̨̛̙̞̫̜̰̭̖̹̦̘̬͔͎̘̥̳̐̓̾̅͒̃̈́͊̀̆̆̍͐̂̽͒͆̀̒͒̊͘͝ ̵̪̭̟̣̇̃̆̔͒̈́̀̏͛́͑͛͗͒͘͠ ̶̡̖͖̟͚͚̫̞̞̙̣̬͈̼̯̭̩̺̓̀̑̈́̋ͅ ̶̧̛̙̥͚̩͉̃͒̉̏͆͋̊̓̎̈́̋̃̾̂̔͒̂̊̀͐͒͋̈͐̒̆̀̕͠͠͝ ̵̢̧̨͈̳̳̩̩͎̞͕͕̻̬͔̫̪̮̺̍̈́͐̌ͅͅ ̸̨̧̡͙̜͇̝̖̤̹̖͈̞͙̞̣̰̰̓̑̈́̑͘͜͜͝ ̵̡͈͖͚̞̳̙̝̞̖̼̘̻͔͈̗̣̼̟̹̥͚̦̻̱̘̫̗̰̣̟̯́͋͋́̔̄͋̉̐̔̎͐̽̃̌̀̒̑͑̽̎̈́̀̂̚͘̚͠ ̸̧̧͇̺͍̻͈͈̻͖̩͕̱̝̣̩̣̟̘͈̼̬̘̟̬̗̗̦̺͈͎̂̅̃̊͐̀̄̚̕ͅ ̸̛̦̱̜̘̜̣͕͈̺̘̰̖͎̹̰̗́̉̃́̉̆͂͊̿̈́̄̉͆͊͂̂̓̚̚͠ ̷̧̤̯͙͎̖̪͎̣͖͙̩̙͍̼͕̩͓͉͈̗̰̝̝̝̞͓͈̗̓̈̄͆̿̋̇̒̈́̾͗̋̽͠ͅͅͅ ̴̧͇̘̘͈̯͓̦̳̄̌̓̀̏̎̈͆͋̒̑̈́́̅͑̄͑̌̂̂̓̋͘̚͜͝͝ ̵̡̨̧̢̢̳͇̳̻̹̗̬͎̝̻̭͖͋̄̓̕ ̶̺̈̇̇̀̐͂̂͗̅̒͗͋̄̓̊̈́̿̅͌̈̾̚̚͝͠ͅ ̵̢̧̗͕͓̻̰͔̩̠̦̣̬̦̤̺̹̮̙̑̈́̍̒͘͜ ̴̡̧̧̣̖͇͉̳͉̬̞͕̣̤̦͇̯̣̞͚̦̼̩̖͉̣̦̖̀̾͆̊͊̕̚͠ ̶̧̢̼̪̱̬̯̤̰̬̮͉̝̺̼̩͉̤͉̜͓͉̘͕̮͂ ̸̜̈͐͂ ̵̘͒̐̓̔͂̓̒̐͋͛̋̇͆̓̄͊̊̔̃̽̈̅͘͘̚͜ ̷͓͓̝̠̗̤̳͇̮̼͚̰̬̟̞͈̥͈͕̮̮͚̦͈̖̈́̇̉̈̏̅̽̀̇̉̏͆̓̋͐͐͋͛͝͝ ̶̡̧̡̥͉͙̮͙̤͕̬̲͎̭͔̹͎͓͙̥͇̻̯̖̰̮͉̞͍͇̒͌́͆͌̽̀̄̽̽̔̎̈́̒̍̐͊͗̉̍͘̚̚͠͠ ̴̪͉̔̃̃͆̓̀̂̌̍̍̒̈́̚ ̴̳͓̜̞̙̫̰͈̹̰̜̼͔̯̳̜̻̯̙̹̪͎̖̝͔̈́̓͊͋̕͠ ̷̧͈̹̟̠̭̖͉̝͍̩̙̰͖̲̝̳̯̤͓̫̱̀̊̾̎̐̒͒͆́͑͋́͛̔̀̔̓́̈́̚͝ ̵͚̮̭̲̲̬̰͓̥̝̳̪̉͑̿͑̽̀̓̉̀̽̈́̓̈́̉̒̋̈͆̈́̓̐̚͘͜͠͝͝S̶̨̡̛͚̦̹͈̯̪̠̯͌́̊̈̏̔̋̋̀͂̍͛̚͝ṗ̷̡̧̢̯̘̘̜̭͈̦̥͖͖̤͇͙̪̲͓̍̔́́͑́͑̒͗͊͐̃̂́̉̈́͒͛̓͛́͑̂͆̈́͘̕͝͠ơ̵̧̧͎̗̯͈͎͚͍̳͇͈̭̯̙̼̻͇̖̼̖̹̖̥̍̀̐̂̋̈́̉̈̿͑́̔͋̀̈́̊͒̈́̉̚̚͘͝͝͝į̶̢̩͇͙͖͇͈̬̭̣͓͇͈͕̬͔̪̪͖̘̞̣̾͐l̸̢̛̳̣͙̯̥̝̲̻̥͇̘̙̼̜̗̲͉̹̫̻͚͚͙̙̘̱̮͙̀̀͋́̃̒̀̿̈́̇̍͊̏͑̑̅̇ḛ̷̡̛͎͚̼̱̼̟̥̭͉͖͔̻͍̣̗̜̠͔̙͉̗̦̼̞͍̂̃̌̓̚̚͜ͅͅŗ̷̢̧̬̰̗̻͉̩͓̻̯̹̠͔̭̝̟̒͂̽̈̈́̆̃̈́̋͒̈́̈́͜͝ͅ ̵̣̬̪͇̎̏̽͐̉̆͆͛͝͝͝A̴̡̫͕̭̯̮͖͇̙̭̠͖̘̩̹͎̼͖̼̣̳͈̱̣͊̈́̃͊́͜ͅͅļ̴̡̰̼̤̘̝̖̙̟͇͕͎̼̞͍̮̦̙̰͓̝͍̖̻̘͔͋̑̈́͗̀́͝e̸̢̢̟͔̭̙̪̘̦͔̘͍̤̘̩̘̝̟͎̙͍̩̼̦̘͖̭̾̓̑̀̉̇̄̈͝ͅr̸̢̛͔͎̦̱̲̱̠̯͚̦̀̈̾͗̔͂͑̏̌̑̐́̔͘̚͜t̷̡̧̫̮̮̞͈̗̻̣͚̪͉͚̩͔̝͓̣̰̣̫̹̙̺͕̼͉̪͙̙̉̌̆͂̑̅̆̈͋͂̆́̍͋͝:̴̡̣͉͈̣͓͓̣̻̠̐̈́͋͐͊̈́̾̂͑̿̍̍̓͑̃͝ͅ ̵̡̡̢̨̰̞̠͚͍̰̺̣̟̲̟̗̗̥͎̟̫̟͙̠͎͌̂̕͜Ş̵̢̙̱̠̝̯̣̬̪̝͖̗͍̻̜̻̻̩̝̋̆͂̈́̅̔̒̒͐͐́̈͒́̉͋̽͒͘͜͝ͅa̴̺͍͖̻̞͈͈͇͓̪̫̭̺̎͂͆̓̄̈͋̒̂͋̍̈̽̑͐͑͝͝͠k̴̡̢̧̧̜̙̟̭̯̝̖̪͚̤̞͐͋̀̿͊̀ͅű̸̧̡̧̪̲̰̦̮̳͍̼͍̜̭͙̹̼̫̺͖̻͂̐ŗ̵͉͔̞̜̗͉̦̪̩̘̣͍̠̦͚͓̣͙̹̺̘̙̓̊̊̊͜a̵̧͉̦͚̞̯̳̰̲͕̟̭̗̹̾͌͑̄͗̏̽̓̆̇̆̋̽̏̑̄̑̃͌͆̋̅̿́̆̂̊͝͝͝ͅ ̷̛͕͍̤͕͉̱͇͒̈́̇̐͆̌̈̂͐̅̈̆̐́̒̀̒͌͋̐́͆̆́̃̀͜͝͝͝î̶̛̮̤̠̪̘̦̥͇̭̺̳̦͚̲͍̟̰̖͇͍́̓͂͐͌̓͌̓̓̕̚͜͠s̵̘͈̪̖̻͔͓̞͈͌ͅ ̵̡̢̡̛̫͓̤̼̙̗̱̤̻͓͍̙̖̦̣͚̪̼̖̺̬̱̩̜̞̒͌̉̒̊̔̓̋͌̊͌̉͋̏̈́̉͐̕͘͜ͅp̶̡̧̡̬̳̪͖̤̜̹͇͚̖͙̬̠͓̮̠͕̞̭̬̚͜o̷̹̫͕̘̅̔͐͑̑̈͊̈́͋̀͛̉̕͘s̸̡̢̧̡̢̭̬͎̺̬͇̺̙͕̘͓͎̙͍͙̣͇̲͈̥̄ş̷̛̭͑̊̊̆̕͜ę̷̝̞͈͉̫͙̻̥̲̱̥̝̐͜ͅs̸̢̢̖̭̭̘̯̫̫͕͚̟͈̯̬̜̠̩̺̝̀́́̌̿͋̆͊͊̉̓͊͌̉̚͜͝͝͝͝ş̸͕̜͍̲̬͈̖̤̞̣͎̳͈̱̠̈́̋̀̏̽͐́̀̔̐̒̊̄̔͑͝ȩ̶̛̲̖̻͎͙̭͔̙͎͔͉̰͖͚͖̠̹̝̬̼̞͉͓̬̲̳͈̋̅̔̉̄̑͋͂͊̋̀̔̓̆̀̓͛̈́̐̐̏̅̂̋͜͠d̴̢͔̟͚͙̠͕͈͖̜̗̫̱̹̝̟̙̦͕̱̖̝͉̣̣̜͇̺̙̭͍͘̕͝ ̵̫̳͚͔͇̹̜̺̞̟̮̦̖̹̘̲̯̞̦̗̼̦̮̘̲̊̽́̂̒̅͗͋̎̋̊̐͊̑̑̆̀̒̐̽̏̌̈́͛͂̄̀̾̄̿̚͜͠b̴̨̡̘̗̮̘̠̖̰̺͇̘̲̪̙̥̱̣̞̗̑́͋̓̈́̚y̴̡̛̠̱̝͎̖̤̰̻̟̣̞̖̝̤͉̙͉̖̝̣̫̔̽̉̐̎̑͆͗̐̒̔̑͆͆̕̕͘͜͠͝͝͝ ̶̨̡̨̞͇̲̼̳̱̱͖͈̲̮̝̻̻̩̹̠͕̯̥̉̐̆̓͊̆̎̎̅̓́͑̔͑̈́̽͊̂̚͜͠͝͠ͅͅẻ̶̡̢̛̛̼͖̪͓̖̩̖͙̣͔͉͔̩̰͓̬͕̹̘̻̺͕̗̫̘̾̿́v̶̡̛̟̻̪̤̪͙̼̤̍͌̊̉̏̈̍͒̾̈͗̓̅͒̚͘͝į̴̧̡̡̰̣̜̰͔͙͓̺̫̘͕͙̩̫̦̗̯̠͂̑̆́̇̋̈́̄͂́͗̀̍̃͒̒͆͂̌̂͘͘͜͜͝l̷̢̥̖̈́̐͂̆̅̑̒̈́́̆̍̇̈͒̃̀̕̕̕͝ ̶̢̨̬̟͔͙̬͉͎͉̈́̎̂̿̿̆̽̽̄̐̀̈́̓̐͌̌͊͗̾̚̕p̵̧̛̛̛̖̰̲̺̜̮͔̞̲̭̯͍̬͖̫̤̀͗͊̑̽̌̄̔̾̂̀̄̀̊̆̕͘͘͝͝ͅi̸̡̛͈̝̮̼͓͚̠͇̣̲͓̓̉̈́̊̈́̐̆͊̃̓̅̅͊̔̈́͌̆̃̆̓̓̈́̕͝͝ģ̷̢̧̱̯̼̹̙̰̫͇̻̤̱̬̙͇̗̭̳̬͓͉̻̜̌̄͑͑̏͒͋̍͊̊͊̐̐́̆̀̕̚͘͝͝ͅͅe̴̢̢̢̨͚̺̖͎͌̈̌̽͋̇̏̏̔̎̔̽͊͐̎̔̓̓͘͝ơ̸̻͖̣̗̹͈͈̣͈̼̥̮̱͖̦̗͙̩͖̺̭͓͈̙͑̓̈́̌́̉͌́̊͑̅̅͂̽͌͗̈́̈́͗̂͊͆̓̽̃̀̒͘͘̕͜͜͠ņ̴̛̬͕̱͕͖̥͛̾̈́͌̉́͗̈̌̈́͑̎̒͌̌̈́͂̐͊̒̐͌̎̏̈́͘͠ş̴̡̰̪͓͓͉͙̻̹̤̱̹̟̝̗͔͖̯̣͇̪̘̻̬̳̭̻͖͎̬̜́̅̆ ̷̨͙̫̣̥̱̫̪̺̩͔̝͚̭̼̲̹͚̱̗͇̠͓͚͕̀͂͑̋̌̀̌͋́̏́̃̿̆͌̚͜ͅ ̵̧̰̯̙̳̩̦̲͎̺̟͍̼͙́̓̃̎̈́̋͒́͗̊̎̎͂̃̈́͆͊̓͋͊̕̚̚͝͠͠ ̴̤̩̩̖̱̏̀̀͋̒̏̒̎̃̓̈́̇͒̚͝ ̴̱̜͕̈́͠ ̵̡̺̥̞͚̦̠̻̭̟̞̩̏͂͗͗̇̿̅̾͊̀̋͘̕̕͘͠ͅ ̵̨̩̗͙̹̥̦̝̞̲͉͔͖͖̦̣̯̄̈́̿͌͗̃̽͛̈́̔͂̌̍͛́͗̓̎̈́̆̉́͐̕͜͝͠ ̷̢̖͎̳̤̼̬̘̥̱͖̫͎̳͎͔̘́̀̈͊̍ ̷̨̧̡͙͙͕̺̞̰̼͍̼͓͔͓̪̥̠̻̬͈͖̮̳͛̈́ ̴̥́̾̋͆̎̎̓̅͊͋͑̿̃͒̅̊̽̈͋͝͠ ̸̨̨̛̛͇̫̩̱̘̤̺͎̗͇̯̯̲̪̒͂̏́͊̈́̊̔͌̋͋̐̊̅͑͒͐̎̋̓̇̑̕̚͝͝ ̵̨͈͉̻͎̩͍̳̫͖̬̘̩̖̘̹̦̞̥̮̻͔͖̹͈͇͈͇̭̘̥̌̋̇͑̔͗̎̑̌̓̈́̃̕ ̷̢̡̞͇̜̩̤̺̟̯̮̭͋̽͆̽̐́̂̓̇͋͂̚͘̚̕ ̷̨̡̧̧̗̯̜͖̩͕͓̱̥̙̙̼̲̖̳̺͎̞̙̖̰̣̬̮̱͂̂ ̴̛̗̣̙̜̅̾̂͛̒͗̄̀͑̉͜͝͝ ̵̢̧̢̢̦͍̝͍͕̯̟̮̲͉͚͈̟̠̟̣̘̹̝͉̔̿̈́̀̓̽͗̅̇̌̇̏̆͐͗͜͜͠ ̵̢̨̤̭͍̤̣̳̝̆̏͑́̆̽̏̏́̿͂͊̆̂̔̽͌̄͊͌̃̇̽͑͛̕̚͝͝͠͠ ̴̡̡͙̙͍̮̙̩̤͓̜̳͉͈͔͙͍̤̜̻͌͒̐̓̈́́͒͛̚ͅ ̵͇͔̒͑͋̂̄̀̑̓̔̉̂̈͛̀͌͗͊͐̄̈͑͘̕͠͠ ̸̡̡̢̡̨̡̻̥̦̮͙͉̯̻̤̮̰̺̞̤͔̝̣͉̀͊̈́̄͒̽̈́̐̉̀͆̈́͌̓͐̈́͗͂̉̅̈́̋̾͒̚̕͝͠͝ ̶̧͙̹͕̬͇̘̮̖̽̋̿͒̈́͘͠ ̵̡͎͍͙̲̠̗̗̜̳͙̼̰̺̹̟̖̠̘̮̼̏̄̐͗̇͐̍̚͜ ̷͕͎̞͖̤̻̺̤̺̯̙̟͔͔̩̮̟͍̹͑ ̵̛̘̲̏͂͋̔̄́̄͑͋͌̏̓͌̿̊͝ ̷̨̨̨̲̖̻̥͉͖͍͉͇̥̞͉̲̘̬̉̍̒͐̓̉̀̇͑̀͊̆̆̉̓̃̽̀̐̈́͒͊̃̌͑͛͘͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅ ̴̢͓̗̬̮͈̤͓̼͉̬̗̦̼͚̩͖̟̪̄̿̕ͅ ̸͍̫̝̄ ̶̡̡̧̖̣̮̳̣̻̟̠̝͖͚̟͈̺̮̰̘͇͙̼̜̰̣͕͖͖̗̏̀̑̒̈̽͘ ̶̡̬͚͙̹̙͍̼͕̤̘̺͖͖̦̙͎̳͇͉̩̣͇̻̩͗̅ ̴̡̨̧̛͓̜͉̲͖͔̱̤͇̪͈͙̱͙̟̫͚̲̤͖̞̦̱̆̑̊̅͗̓̓̋̔́̀́̇̋̋̀́̏̈́̄̚̚͜͝ͅ ̸̡̨̢̨̼̝̹̜̝̱̮͚̱̟̘̭͎̻̜̭̹͗̒͋̈́̏̋̾̔̀͂̆͛̊̈́̅́͛̃̈́̉͒̏̋̃̀̈́̇͋͋͘͜͜͜͠ ̶̧̧̢̛͙̖̝̯̱̹̫̞̲̖̼͕̰̱͌͛̾̇̽̔̿̈́͐̌̈́̽̿͒́̈̀̔͌̈́̎̎͘̚̚̚̚͝͠ ̴̢̧̨̧̧̜̫͇͓̟̺͍͔̘̮͍͈͚̩͈̲̪̩̼͑̏̈́̒̐̏̓̉̆̇̍̓͑̅̈͋̎̚̕͝ ̶̢͚̰̲̲̠̰͈̤̞͔̞̦͉͇̪̱̪͒̎̑̀͊̓̾͑̐̽̈́͂̐͊̽͒͊̑̋̈͑͊̈́̓̄̆͐̕͘͜͝͝͝ ̸̢̧̡͙̼͚͙̯̳̳͉͚̱̠̟̗̜͚͕̊́̿̒͑͊̀̍̆͘ ̵͍̦͈̖̼̙͖̳̫̞̺̳̬͎͉͍̜̔̔̇͋͛ͅ ̷̧̧̬͖͍͎̗̩̣̱̮̼͙̭͕̬͔͎̰̳̝͉͔͑̑͌̔͝ ̵̡̛̛̺̯̺̤̬̥̰̞̺͊͛̿͛̒̓̆͐́̈́̀̎̆̀͒̈́̚̚͝ ̸̧̧̧̨̛͈̲̼̼̖̘̹̘̪͕̖̯̻͙̙̮̪͙͚͍͇̥̼̣͋̀͒̔̿͛͜ͅ ̵̡̧̩̘̹̟̝̩̤̦̽͂̐̍̏̊̈̎̌̇̾̄̚͘̚̕͠ ̸̧̨̛̲̺̭͙͖͇͖͖̝͇͇͎̯͕̰̟̥̯͗̔̓̀́͑̐̌̌̐̍̀̄̃̂͆̚̚ ̸̼̮̫̠̥̪͔̬͍͖̝͚̣͕̙̖͎͎̳͍̲̫̮̘͎̣͑͑̐̏͋̈́̈̄͛̈̋͗͗̐̈́̿̈́͆̈́̋͝͠͝͝ͅ ̸̧̘̫̹̭̤͉̺͛̏̊̉͒ ̵͎͍̞̰̪͕̳̲̪̳̱̤̾̌̒̽͛̿̇̄̾̌̆̒̓̑͌̊̈́͛̏͗̔̚̚͜͝͝ ̴̛͈̱͔͇̭̦̥̪̺̫̜̭̹͖͍̮̰͈͈̹̗͗̓̍̐̈́̂̋́̅͘ ̸̡̧̼͈̳̫̰̩̩̇͐̒̍̓̍̾͋́ͅ ̶̧̨̧͎͉̭̯̖̘̭̣̭̱̞͉̹͖̮͈̠͎͙̳͉͈̈́̄͜ͅ ̶̨̡̢̳̪̦̺̯̱̜̼̮̜͈̙̼̝̱̈̂́̋̈́̾̀̎́͌͐̂͋̍͑͆̈́̓̽̄̾̄͘͘͝ ̷̡͚͖͍͓̹̫͎͚̳̜̗͛͛̇̿͋̓̓̍́̏͛͐̀̀͗̔̽̽̽̚̕͘͜͝͠ ̸̧̢̢̣͚͎̠̰͇͖̙͉̯̳̰̼̻͔̪͙̪̗̌̎̈́̓́́̈̉͌̑̀̄͛͛͑̽̔͆͐̒͒̐̕̕̕̕ͅ ̶̘̠̟̀̈͐̓̒͑̀̄͋͒̎̅̈́̕̕͝͝ ̸̢̢̨̺̝̠̩͖̱̥̜̩͇̰̙̗̬͙̗̲̭̞̝̦̫̗̖͈͖͉͊͛̑̈́̀̅̑͗͌͊̊̒͊̍͗̑͌́͆̂̏̓͘̚͜͜͠͠͝͝͝ ̵̢̡̢̨̭̮̯̙̱̭̖̩̝̖̘̺̜͚̝̯̱̳̠͎̳̜̞̠̣̼̓̍̐̐͜͜ ̸̨̺̝̻̳̳̱̣̣̯͚͙͓͎͎͚̯͇͙̆͝ ̴̛̛̺̙͕͎̞̙̠̦̲̟͙͓̦̟͔̳͇͎̗̮͎̳͙̉̓͗̀̅̔̆̔̊̿͊̃̈́́̒͐͐͗͑̓̃͑̈͑̾̚̕͜͝͠ͅ ̴̡̜̹̜͖̖̞̖̗̯̺͉̬̞̃̉̓̓̕ ̵̰͈̙͎̘͍̻̖̻̞̦̥̤͕̤͇̟̱̦̜͓̎͗̀̿̓̏̌̿͋̑̌̄͆̂̿̋̃̈́̚͘͘͘ ̴̧̑̐̒͊̽̐̓̿̍̆̿́͂̃̿̀̽͒͘͝ ̸̢̧̧̨̠͓̦͖͉̬̥͇̦͎͍́̃͛͗̎̈́͗͛͆͌͊͛͊̈́͗́̊ͅ ̵̡̧̧̨̧̡̘̳̪̼͖̲̘͉̙̙͒́̿́̌̊̓̈́͊̾͗͗͛͌̓͗͐́̿̒̒̂̂͜͝͝ͅ ̷̡̖̲͔͇͉͈͓̜̰̜̖̯̃̈̔̒̋̿̋́͆͌̐̄͘͜͝͝ ̷̫̦͚͖̟̄̏̔͘ ̸͉̱̞̬͙̻̭͉͍͑ ̸̢̨̧̢̛̛͍̮̤̺̮̗̗̙͎͖̼̹̭̩͉̟͍̫̭͍͙̥̼̔̽̒́͐͌̎̉̓̌̂͌͛̅͂̔͌̉̿̈́̀̒̏̍͛́͆͌̚͝ ̵̡̢̨̨̛̫̬̣̜̫̱̻͇̥͈̪͚͓̭͔̞͉̺̞̳̗̊̈́̏̑͛̌̓̽̑̈́̀͜͜͝͝ ̷̡̼̤̖͇̺̯̇͊͛̈͆̓͑̑͊̔̅̈́̇̾̏̈̓̕͜͝͠ͅ ̵̜̤̗̰͔̬̥͈̝̬̱͓̝͙͔̤̓̅̒̀͐͆̓̍͘͜͜͜ ̵̛̛̩́͆̀͌͗̒͊̈͗͊͆̈́̓̏̐̽̇͋̽̅͛̈́̓̕͘͠ ̸̡̢͖̦̰͉̻̻̺͉̞̰͚̬͈͔̱̻̫̼̜̞̳̼̅́̽͋̒͒́͑̐͊͒̃̅͑́̎͛̿̓̋͑͊̽͑̏̔̄͘͘͠͠ ̴̢͓̬͔̗͓̩͕̭̼̞̮̳̖̗̇̒̊̔͂ ̴̡̡̧̧̛̗͙̟̗̺͎̝͎̹̮͖̯͍̮͇͎͈̥̣̇̎̌̑̍̿̑̔͌̈́̈́͒̾̄̊̋̾͌̊̽̽̽̐̔͂̑̑̕͘̕͝ ̷̨̢̠̬̹̥̻͇̭̙̦̹͇̲͇̱̞͕̪̦̰̩̱̩̠͖̮̱̥̘̼͌͂̀̏͋͋̕̚ ̶̧̡̛̪̠͇̼͕̳̙̞̻̱̰̫̲̤͆͛̾̈͗̽̏͐͋̏̀͊͑̈́̍̊͆͂̓̀͒́͂́̋̄̓͋̎̚͜͝ͅͅ ̴͖̱̯̹͉̥̬̱͍̔͛̈́͂́̑͊̈́͗̚ ̴̻͙̎ ̸̫̩͍̩̤̱̞͂̇̈́͂̇͆̌͌́̆͐͋̾̓̈́̈́̀͒͆̈́͌̀̅̒͂̃̂̄̚̚͜͝ ̸̢̧͕̺͈̹̹̣̭̖̖͉͔̟͈̦̰̂͋̏́́̐̂̉̆̚̚ͅ ̶̧̡̭̰̳͙͚͕̭̦͉̬̻̬̹̊͑͋͊̉͒͗͗̚ͅ ̸̛̠͖͓̲͍̈́̊̀̅̇͛͒̅͋̌͑̀̂͗̓̾̉̇̽̓̔̄̕̕̕̚ ̴̧̠̖̗̥̩͔̘̲̟̮̖̩̩̹͙̂͗̒͌͌͜ ̷̧̡̝̜̲̜̝͓̥̟͍̤̜̲͖̫͓͙͍͚̳͕͕̯̼̰̦͙͓̖̩̇̀̑̉̽̀̀͗̾́͌̌̾͂̈́̔́̎̓͘̚̚̚͘͜͝ ̷̡̙͖̝̳̺̲̠͚͍̊ ̵̢̧͎̪̳̝͚͇̭͚̬̟͖͑̒̔͜ ̴̡̢̡̡̨̮̬̞̼̣̞̞͚̫̫̝̍̋͒̒͌͒̈́̾̍̈́̓͒͐͂̇͐͗̆̓͌̀̅̆̈͐͘̚͜͜͝͝͝ ̷̢̧͇̣̲̦̙̻̠̲̮̝̦̭̫̮̪̫̝͖͇̘͙͂̓̍͊̂̇̎́͜͝ͅͅ ̸̢͔͇̼̻̦̯̲̫̭̼̙̭̘̺̥͉̙̝͚̗̐̆̑̓̓̒̈́͐̾̒̅̌̀̀̾̚͜ͅ ̸̡̨̧̧̞͔̬̯̳͇̫̼͉͍͇͙̤̹̼͕̤̰͓̘̳͉̮͔̠̂̅́̀̂̀͐͂̒͜ ̶̡͖̳̯̳̬̼̣̣̯̗͔̪͈͎͉̣̝̈̑̉̎͝ͅͅͅ ̵̡͖̳̙͉̼͎͙̩̭͎̞̰̖̫͓̬̻͆̓̓͆̀̔́̌̆̃̅̓̅͆̊͛̽͋͊͂̏̾̄̿͌̍͠͠͝ ̸̭̪̱͎̣̩̭̙̳̱͍͔̣͍̗̝̻̮͚͉͖̬͒̽̚ ̸̢̡̧̰̼̻̙̘̪͙͖̼̭̙̝͓̘̞̼̞͗͌̉͑̽͝ͅ ̵̛̞̺̖̥̘̫̟̱̈́͒̏̄͑̈́̒̇̔͂̂̊̄̌̀̿̾́̎͠ ̴̢̧̡̡͖̮͕̘̞͈̱͇̤͍̘̖̣̘̜̠̠̼̩̩̣̝̠̉̇̃̉̿́̋̓͑̈́̃̒͆͑̚͘͘̚͘͜͠͝͠ͅͅ ̶̨̫͈̹͉̗͙̩̱̻̣̪͔̗͈̜̰͚̼̻͓̱̺̞̦̻̝̠͑̍̈̉̇̌͋̀͜͝ ̶̝̞̻̘̆̀̓̊̈̏̄͑̅̈́͒͐̕ ̸̠̝̘̥͓̺͚̺̺͎̮́͑̊͆̀̉̿͊̚̕͝ ̸̛͉̒̍̿̊̓̒̑͂̚͘͠ ̷̧̧̧̡̛̗͈͚̦͕͎̤̼̞͙͇͕̖̻͐̋̒̆̽̈́͐̃̏̉̒͆͂̊̚̚̕͝ͅͅ ̵̦͙͂̔́̏̈̃͗͊͆̃̑̈́͂͆͋̂̋̀͑̔̒̈́̀̏̈͊͗͊͘͝͝͠ ̵̛̥͎̣̰̥͛͐̒̈́̾̃̔̐̈́̃͌̈́̓̓̅̿͋̑̋͛́̈́͊͋͝ ̸̢̧̱͔͔͈̻̤͇͍͓͙͚̥͕̳̯̻͐̀̄̐̀͐͋̈́̀͊͗͋̈́̈́̈́̿͊͐̇̐̈́̏͐́͋̚̚̚͘͘͘͜ ̷̨̦͚̺͉̺͍͙͇̭̟̤͚̲̲̝͙͔̖̥̬̥͍̞̝̩̦͚͉͓͊̋̄́̆́̈́̊̚̕͠͝ ̷͖̳͕͚̒̍͑̐̿̚͜ͅ ̸̧̧̛͕̭̺̯̪̘͇̘̬̮̫̦̤͚͔̲̳̩̤̀̊̆̂̒̍̄̄͂̋̏̌͆̂̓͛̆̄̓̇́̈́̽́̀̕̕͝͠͠͝ ̷̨͓͚̬͖̺̦̹̦̠͖̳͚͈͉̥̰͖̖̮̤͉̥̂̽́͛̆̿̊́̚͜ ̷͖̺̰̝̱̉̇̈́̀͗̀̍̇͊̉͐̏̽̎̇͂̈̂̚͝ ̸̡̜͈͕͙̥̤̥̫͕̪̰̠̠̰̹̹̿̈̓͗̔͗̑̿̓̒̋̓̌͌̾̕͠ ̷̧̱͔̪̩̝͙̒̊̔̄͛̋͆̌̓̆̿̿̽̄͛̓͗̚̚͝͝ ̷̛̺̞̳̖͍̖͚̳̯̾̊͐̆̎͑̉̓̅͌͆̀̎͐̀͌̀͌͛̓̉̕̕͜͠͠ ̸̡̤͖̮̫̭̦̺͔͊̋̈̔̍̋̈́̈́̇̉͒͊͐̈́͐̎͊̈́̀͊́̓̈́͘͝͠ ̷̡̲͍̞̪̱͕̤̗̯̱̫͇̺̓̎͑̍̾͗̋̊̐̆̎̈̋̊͂͊͜͜ ̸̧̧̫͇͉͖̞̞͇̭̯̝̻̮̝̹͇͙̬̪̟̥͍͍̥̠̉̄͒̍̾̽̔̽̾͒̓͗̈́̿̕͝͝ͅͅ ̵̨̢̧̖͕̹̭̮͍͖̗̥̪̘͇̪̰̥̪̮̉͆̑͋̐̈́́͌͜ͅ ̴̢̢̧̨̛͔̰͍̫͈̗͍͙̙̱̥̝̟̠̝̱̫͓̻̲̆̓̏̃̄̅̋͆͜ ̴̡̧̻̱͔̘̹̙͚̺̱̮͇͍̣̟̘̥͖͉̝̦̈́̉̽̈́͆̂̈́̓̉͒̈́̈́̑͑̍̿̇̂͆̉̇̓̽̂͐̀͂̔̑͂͊͆ͅ ̵̧̡̡̢̠̹͓̰̦̪̰͓̼̲͓̟͚̤͈͓̭̓͋͐͊́̎̎̔̅̐͋̅̉ ̴̧̳͇̭̼͎̗͇̣̮̌͌̈́͂́̈̃͗̓̓̀̈́̇͊̀̅́͛̀͌͗͑̋̈́̌̌̓̕͝͝͝ ̷̛̳̻̙̭͇̯̖̳͖̗͙̠̀̎̇͂̈́̋̂͗͛̐͛͆̀͊̎̄̎́̃̽̓̔̀̄͗̕̚ͅ ̸̲̈́̑̉̇̆̂̑̉̓̐̈́́͛͊̌̈́̒̈́̃̂̃́͝͝͠͝ ̶̢̢̮͖͍̘̻͙̩̰̙͂̐͂̊́͌͂̂̕͝͝ ̶̧̧̛̭̯̣̤̣̳̬͖̞̰̬̟̙̱̖̽̓̎̋͛́̑̆̈́̍́͂͂͑͂͑̍̿͛̕͝ ̵̘̮͚̤̞̦͓̄̌͂̒̒̊̄͑̇̅͂̆̎̉̉̃́͑̒̇͐͊̔͘̕͘͠͝ͅ ̸̧̙̪͈̺̃̈́̏̇͗̄̒̀̑̇͐͘͝͠͝ ̴̢̨̛̺̙͇̺̦̤̪̖͔̳͕̺̥͉̹͈͓͚̬͈̇̍̈́͐̀̈͊̑͗͋̓͒͒͗̂̌́͐̽̆̓͘̕͠ͅ ̵̙̣͒̉̏̈́͆͂͛́͑͋́̿̾̈̈́̉̒̊̔͘̕͠͝͝͝ ̷̧̡̛̪̼̮̯̮̪͖̻̣͖͙͖̭͓̰̭̽̅̆̃́̍͆̋̇̔̄̓́͝͠͠͠ ̸̧̢̢̡̡̻͈̣̥̙̦̝͓͔̝̖̭̥̜̫̖͙̲̻̹̘̩͈̤͌͊͑̇̓̓̊͊̈́̽̾̋̈́̑͗̽̓̈́̃̅͊̾̄̕͝ͅ ̷̧̧̛̜̺̙͔̹̝͍̖̤̣̥̻̦̻͚̗̝̓̄̑̈́̾̈́̎̑̎̓͋̚͜ ̴̻̄̉͆͋̈́̍̊́̍̃̑̚͠ ̴̛̳͓͚͉̮̗̲̼͖͈͚̥̼̣͙̟̗̫͔̟̜̰̻̤̏́͆́͛̒̓̈́̄̓̔̀̀̀́̐͒͆͑̔͋̓̽͑̌́͆̕͘͘͜͜͠ͅͅ ̶̧̨̨̛̛̩͕̪̼̜̤̞̝̠̯͕͇͉̭̻̙̠̜̪̝̩̮̤̖̟̣̼̓̔̆͂͂̄̊̀̆̽͊͌̈́̍̚̕͝͝ͅ ̷̦͍̤̎̅͒̔̄̾̚̕͝ͅ ̶̧̧̬̰̲͚̲̦̫̤̜̦̭͇̝̻̘̱̳͓̩̮͖͚̈́͐́̀̈̎̏̈́̌̓̾̇͗̎̎̚̚ͅ ̸̧̰̝̟͕̦̟͎͈͌̆̏͋́̏̎́̉̋̿̇͋͑̄̄̾̎͑͒̋̅̌̐̕͘͠͝͝͠ ̷̧̡̢̧̨͔̱̱̣͖̳̬̤̻͓̠͔̞͍̰̖̜̯̺̝͎̙̞̖̱͗́̑́̍́̀͑́̈͒̾͊͌͘̚͝͠ͅ ̷̡̨̡̣̰̬̠͈͕̣͖͔̥̱͎̪̚͜͠ͅ ̴̧̡̡̛̛͚͍̱̰̪̮̼̝͉̙̟͕̝̬͖̬̹̪͍̤̯͈̟̬̯̫̤̉͒̇̂̊͂̌̌͋̃̎͌͆̇̂̀͛̚͝ ̷̡̨̢͚̤̬̥̫͉̺̹̗̙̮̖̖̼̝̱̜̾̈́̆̌͐͛͌̐̍̎͐̈́̾̀̎͑͆̽̔̎͊̅͑́̀͂̅̇͛̕̚ ̸̡̛̗̹͇͓̩̬̣̱̪͖͓̬̗͎̩͚̦̰̟̐͌̋̌̓́͋̇͗̀̒̋̒̅͘͠͝͠͠ͅ ̵̤̹͕̤̘̮̣̮̣̍̈́̋͂́́͊̊͒͝ ̸͙̃ ̵̡̙̰̙̩̱̪̘̮͖̮̠͕͖̲͈̝̻̞̹̹̫̙͔͓͚̾͊̒͑͋͜͜ͅͅ ̸͈͈͕̞̮͉̭͖͕̜̣͍̗͕̼̣̙̗͇̟͛͋̃̀͛́̐͐͐̇͆͊̋̄̈́́̆̔̆̊̈́̃̀́̈̽͝ ̷̡̨̨̛̲̜̜̹̦͇͔͈̫̰͕̼͕͍̯̊̽̊̅̄͂̾͌̎̍̅͌̓̐͑̊̈́́̊̐̑͂͋̋̽̔̕̚͝ ̸̧̛̱̪̖̬͎̲̪̘̞̪͓̜͚̻̬͉̆̐̑͊̄͛͛̒̒̈͋̋̐̀͌̿̈͂͋̓̄͜͝͠ ̸̢̨̞̱̳͈̻̗͖̘̙̌̏̐̈̈́́̆̊͘̚͠ ̵̪̳̣̺͖̰̖̘̙̖̙͍̲̮̥͉̠̬̠͖̱̮͎̯̪̣͔̋ͅ ̴̟̤̭̗̣̍͌̊͌̾́͂͗́̿̋͗̏̈̈̓̈́͊́̍̒̈́́͂́̚̕͠ ̵͕̗͇͓̭̯̩̩̪̙̟̀̃̈́̐͗́́̀̾̏̉̆̉̈́̄̒̅̈́͌͑͛̈́͂̉̉̈́͘̕̕̚͠ ̶̢̩̝̮̱̫̪̬̭̇̍͐̄̆̏͐͒̐̑̃̊̐͌͘̕͝ ̵̡̡͇͖̦̠̜͓̝̮̮̩̫͈̜̘͖͑͗̆̋̏̽͋͒͊̌͒͊̒̕͘͜ ̴̡̡̜̭̤͎̣̫̤͈̤̲͇͇̜͍̗̹͕̦̰̗̞̂͐̊̿͛̀̀̎̄̄̊́̀͘̚͜͜ ̸̧̢̧̡̲̦͉̝̗͙̥̺͇̩̳̮̝̹̦̟̟͖͈̖̖̥̝̭̠́̐͊̇̑̑̓̈́͘͝ͅ ̶̧̡̛̯̖͙̯̫͓̦̯͚͔͓̮̮͖̮̠̝̂͊͒̌̋͆͑̔̌͛̇́̂͆͆̋̉̎̌̋̑̑̚͜ ̷̬̯̜̩̹̖̼̲̙̺͖̋͗̍̈́̓̓͛̐͋͛ ̴̼̰̳͈͈̼̹͕̲͚̰̝͙͈̪͕̣̭̯̺̤̳̮̥̯͖̠̟̞͓̥̓͌͌̌͊̅̄͑̕͘͜͝ ̶̡̭̱͔̥̞̱̱͙̳̗͇̙̜͓̯́̓̈́̾́͐͜͠ ̶̡̢̡̨̩̩͙̥͓̖̯͖͚̺̣̭̠͙͍̞̹͈̮̗͓͙̜͍̫͈̍̽͊͊̋̄̃̃̅͋͐̏̓̂̊̉̏̄̓̕̚ ̶̧̢̛̻̮̩̝̜̭͕̥͎͎̮͇̹̲̬͎̬̣̰͇̖̖̑͒̔̑̉̀͛͋͂͊̆͆͋̇̈́̾͑̚̕͝ͅͅ ̸̢̭̫͍̲͖̖̪̺̰͚̥̺̜̤͙̞̻͎͖͂̑͐͌̔͂́̽̎̋̃̅͌͐̃̇̚͘͝ ̵͉͓̻̰̫̬̘̮̰͉̪̯̫̓̿̑̈͗͑̈͂̈́̀͝͝͠ ̸̨̛̖̞̣̥͖̞̯̙̖̬͍́̇̓̇̇̇̋́́͌̃́̑̂̈͗̊͐̈́̚ͅ ̷̡̺̬̣̝̺̆̐͗̿̓͑͐̈́̃̒͆̈́͆̾̍̈͗͆̍́̅̌̆̋̓̆́̇̽͊͝ ̶̮͎̝̻̙̳͖̗͎͈̩͕̈́̓́̓̇̌̅̿̌͌̋̈̄͒̅̑̈́̽̊̅̏́̚͜͠͝ͅ ̷̧̧̫̟̟̮̹̻̬͕̪̫̰͈̟̣̦͖͚̭̹̱͙͌̀̎̃͐͗̏͒͒͗̕͝ ̶̣̞͎͋͑̀ ̸̢̺̝͉̟̤͖̟̰̥̳̟̐̄̈́́͒́͛̓̽̊̅̈̃͛̿͗͊̌̋͒̋̕͘͜͜͝ͅͅ ̷̦͖̹͎̰͍̬̗͇̬͈̲͎̗̹̟͊̈́̀̒̀̎͊̇̓͑̀̒̾͗͛͌̂̑͛͒͊̚͘͝ ̶̛̩̜̮̬͍̣͚̘̹̝̲̼̯͍̂̍̐́̊̕͘̚ͅ ̸̢̣͕̲͈̖͉̖̋̽͋͛̊̔̀̊̈̿̅̓̏͒̆̽͂̈́̃̔͂͋̑̒̒̊͌̅͘͝ ̷̛͓̥̩̠͖̙̠̇̀͌̂͊̂̋̒̀́̓̃̈́͋̎̕͠͝͝ ̵̛̛̩̯̭̥̊͆͋͗̎̽̓͗̍̑̋̓͐͐̒͆͑͛̅͋̚̕̚͠͝ͅ ̶̠͈͉̻͚͇̥̖̩͚̲͓͉̮̲͔̹̽̎̌̄͐͆̾̀́͒͂̐̋̒͆͋̐̈͂̑͆͒͒͂͋́͘̕͝ ̷̨̢̡̡͓͕̪͎̪̳̱͓̺̬͙̮̰̍̑̾͜͠ ̵͉͓͔͈̬̜͔̥̬̞́̓̀͜ͅ ̵̢̢̡̧̨̺̤̥̪̱̜̲̭̺̪͕̣͈͈̜̟̹͍̩͈̜̻͚̺̉̓̾͜͜͝ ̸̛̳̹̗̝̖̫̗̮̬̣͈͇͓͓͓̺̑̾͒̓̏͜͝ ̶̧̢̙̻̥͉̹̼̣̥̫̖̯̫̳͔̙̱̜͈̙́͂̆̍̃͐̔̓̌̋̈́̔̕͘̕̚ ̷̨̧̧͓̮̟̟̱̭͙͕̱̲̳̤̞̜̣̥̲̖̳͚͓̝͕͍̦͖͔̠̄́̃̀͗̄̉̀̓̆̈́͝͝ ̸̧̘̮͉͌̒̓̑̓͒̃̃ ̵͍̫̿̈́̌̒̆̈́̽͋̏̓̈́̄̎̒͐̚̚͠ ̵̨̢̨̛̬̬̠̤̞͇͓̥̦̩̠͕̲̦͚̗̞̈́̈́́̅͒̇̀̃͐͗͒̆͌͐͘̕͘͝͝͠ ̸͔̞̹͎͕͓̍̆̀͐ͅ ̵̡̡̧̩̞̭̟̭̞̥̰̩͉̤̰̼̲̖͓͙̦̯̺͔͙̹͉̣͌̆̀͊͛̀͛̓̂̌̒̿͂͆́̈̒́̈̈́͐͊̈̓̈̀̊̆͆̚͜͝͝ ̷̢̡̢̣͚̬͖͙̗̞̰̜̣̜̪̭̱̘̮͙͇̹͖͕̹͎̋̏͊̊͑͑́̂͒͐̈́̂̓̃͜ͅ ̶̡̡̛͔̥̱͉͈͙͚̱̙̝͈̼̩͓̞͓̗̝̱̙̟͇̘̘̱̣̮̥͕̦̇̿̈́͊̀̊͊̈̈́̔́͛̓͗̔̂͒̈́̕͠͝͝͝ ̷̹̟̠̓̒̓͌͆̔̂̍̃̈͊̓͛̈́̏̄̈̒͆̒̚̚̚͘ ̵̖̱̝̮̂̌̓͗̓͜ ̵̧̧̧̢̧͉͓̫̳̞̹͓͉̪̪̱̮̞͉̫̜̲͔̓̂̄̉̎̅̂̈́̊̌̂̉̀̄̀̾͘̚͘͜͝ͅ ̶̧̞̗̲̭̺̘̰̿́͂̈́̒͌̀͛̉̌̀̐̅̂̇̊͗̔̉͆̉̓͘͝͝ͅ ̷̨̭͎̳̮̼̤̯̩͇̥̥̹͉̰̗̜̰̗̟̹͛̽́̅͛̏͑͂͋̈́͊͒́̊͌͐̀̐̿̉̿͗͌̊̏̚͜͜͜͝͠ͅͅ ̴̨̧̧̧̛͎͕̫̮̙̬̱̫̗̖̤͇͍̦͋̓͗̄̈́́͋͛́̈́͗̾͌́̀̐͌̎̔͐̈̽͆̕͠͝͝

̷̧̤̂̊ ̸̻͒ ̵͔̜̅̒ ̵̣̐ ̷͖̈́ ̵̭̑̒͜ ̴̤̰͊͛ ̶̺̔͆ ̸̗̌̓ ̵̟̈́͠ ̶̜̫̕ ̶̆͗͜ ̸̩̊̄͜ ̸̣͛̾ ̴͕̻͛ ̵̠̿̌ ̶̬̃̂ ̷̬̬̂̅ ̸̪̎ ̸̺̌ ̵̖͋ ̵̭͋ ̴̡̃͛ ̶͙̠̿͝ ̸͎͝ ̴̱́͌ ̴̘̓̔ ̵̤̯̌͌ ̵̤̅ ̵̧͙͂̈́ ̷͖̅ ̶͕̈́̚ ̵̡̲͂ ̶̙̱̐ ̷̧̞̌ ̶͈̂ ̶̬͒̊ ̵̲̍̍ ̶̉̚͜ ̵̪̂͝ ̸̦̑̑ ̷̪̈́̄ ̷̪͙͛͝ ̶̺̚ ̶̗͍͌̿ ̶͕͂ ̸̛̜̳̒ ̸̘̪̉ ̷̳̯̚͝ ̶̫̞͛ ̴͈͕̃̀ ̶̱̿͋ ̵̧͆ ̶̬́̆ ̵̪̯̎ ̸̥͔́̅ ̷̭̐͊ͅ ̴̧̹̇ ̸̛̫̒ ̶͈̺̈́̑ ̷̫̭̌̆ ̷̢͆ ̴͖̃͂͜ ̶̤͐̉ ̵̣̫̀́ ̶͎̒ ̷͌͜ ̷̗̻͛ ̷̖̎̀ ̸͚̆͋ ̷̝̓́ ̵̧̩̆ ̶̺̹́̄ ̵̲͇̈ ̷̼̜͘ ̶͈̉ ̵̜͖̃ ̴̛̗̠ ̷̣͙̔͝ ̸̻̕ ̷̧͗ ̴̮̞͑̀ ̷̹̘̽ ̸̼̞̒̂ ̵̠͍͑͝ ̷̥̂͘ ̵̣͗͘ ̵̫͒̍ ̵̘́ ̵̬̳͊͒ ̵̨̼̊ ̸͔̪͒͆ ̶̹̂ ̶̼̿ ̸͈͠ ̸̮͂̓ ̶͙̜͌ ̴͔̬́̂ ̷̘̝̿͗ ̴̪̥̓ ̴̹̮͌ ̵̲̙̈́͗ ̴̲̖̌ ̸̝̈́̇ ̶̱͠ ̷̼͊͘ ̸̦͂̊ ̷̛̹̄ ̸̡̼̀ ̴͚͐͝ ̷̡̞͂ ̴̧͓́ ̸̥͉̇͠ ̷̢̧̌̀ ̶̥͕͒͠ ̴̠͌ ̵͉́ ̷̖̌ ̷̮̐ ̷̗̼̍̒ ̸̻͋̍ͅ ̵̢̡̑͠ ̵̭̞̀ ̷̖̌̇ ̸̻̐͜ ̶̡͒͌ ̶̋͠ͅ ̷̧̘̂̀ ̴̹͈̃ ̶͍̩́͘ ̶̤̇͒ ̶͚͛̀ ̸̼̣̑̕ ̷͖̮͑ ̵͚̖̐̈ ̸͗ͅ ̵̩̗͛͝ ̷̳̚ ̷̉͜ ̵͎̲͗̕ ̶̥͕̕ ̵̧̤̒ ̷̼͑ ̵͙̅ ̷̜́ ̵̬̥͛̕ ̴̼̇ ̶̖͐ ̸͖̉͂ ̴̢̪̂̽ ̵̘͖̌͌ ̸̣̳̈́ ̵̹͇̾̒ ̴̯͔́̈́ ̴͍̂̑ ̶̯̓̓ ̶̤̣̊ ̴͔̣͐͑ ̴̦̻̕ ̴̖̈ ̴͈̣̀ ̴͕́ ̶̰̾ ̷̱̝́ ̸͓̤͋̀ ̶̩̇ ̸̛͙͙̿ ̵̣͗́ ̶̘̋̅ ̵̼͙́ ̷̝̈́ ̴͉͒͠ ̷̟̪͊ ̷̘͛ ̴͈̋ ̵͔͝ ̷͉̻̂̕ ̷̣̀͠ ̵̠̕ ̴̡͇̈́͛ ̶̨͙́ ̷̮̎ ̵̛͈̝ ̶͈̰̈́ ̷̺͘ ̶̳͐ ̴̘͙̂ ̴̲͗͐ ̴̡̰̓ ̷̢̬̔ ̵̗̿ ̵̨̣͂ ̸̢̛͕͑ ̸͉̞͐͠ ̶̧̳͋ ̶̠̆ ̶̺̙̍ ̶̼͍̓ ̸̗͘ ̷͓̥͐̃ ̷̦̳͊̊ ̵͚͑ ̵̟̗͠ ̵̼͓̈́̕ ̸̛̝ ̴̜͓̊ ̶͔́͝ ̸̜͌ ̸͇͠ ̵͓̻̽ ̷̛̹̆ ̵̤̊ ̷̛̬ ̵͍͓͘ ̴̥̭͝ ̶͉̪͝ ̷̛̤͇ ̷̦͊̓ ̷̫̦́̀ ̴̛̟ ̶̨͖͋̋ ̶̛̻̮̈́ ̵͓̣͐ ̸̧̈́ ̴̻̐ ̶̜̂̎ ̶͕̈ͅ

R̷̛̠̬̣̒̎͛̎̈́̉͑̈́̓̎̓̌͗͐̅͌̿ŏ̶̧̘̘̯̲̜͔̬̯̟̮̞̣̙̯̖́̈̄̑̔̈́̍͒͜s̷̖͔͍͌̊̈́̑͆̃͋͠ȩ̴̲͚͖̠͉̏̚͝ḃ̸̛͉̥̪̩̪̭͖̫̯̘̜̠̫̒̿̾̉̂̋̏̉̌̐̋͋̓̅͠ụ̵̺̯̦̬̊̀͝d̶͓͈̜͕̏̈ͅ ̷̮̜̻̥̞̀̈́ ̴̯̝̋̆͊̀̚ ̶̧̡̢͓̪̙͎̜̬̟̟̩͇̝͖͈̻̟̽̌ ̵̛͕̫͚̘̿̾̑̓̽̌̆̑́͝ ̵̱̌̎̔̓͆͑̚ ̸̢̧͙̩͈̝̟̬̼̪͕͕̯͉̦͒̎͆̑̊͋͛́̾͜ͅ ̵̢̢̨̖̲͇̖̪̹̝͘ ̴̳̲̮͇́͑̏̑͐́̀̄̎̀͌̊̔̕͜͝ ̸̧͚̫͕͆͒͌̓͂ ̷͇̫͔̒ ̴̡̧̧̨̡̛̳͉̗͕̭̤͍̹͎̭͕̱̃̒́́̈́̽ ̷̻̪̬̜̖͍͔̩̥̻͖͕̖̰̜̞̀̋̑̈́́̀̌̆̄̈́̅̄ͅ ̸̢̢̢͙̝̯̣̫͉̳̩͓̤͎͓̙͓̈͌́̈́̀̄̒̈́̓̑̃́̃̕̚͜͠ ̸̘̘͈͚̣̠̏̈́̒̀̇̇̈́̄͠ ̵̛̛̪͓̬̝̭̽̎̔͋̐̔̋̚͝ ̶̨̧̢̧̰͈̝̰͕̪̟͇̋̍̅̆̃̔̆͠ ̷̡̝̟̟͇̩̔ ̴̧̡̢̤̺͕̰͍̪͇̟̘̝͍̘̜̦̬̋̌̔͗̐̐̊̀̅ ̸̡͍͕̹͍̞̤͈͇͇̉͆̃̓͆͊̀͑̏̀̄̋͝͠ ̷̨̥̘͈̗̬̟͖͖͖̝͔̩̰͉͚̤͚̾͒̽̃̿́͒̃̒̏́̌̽͛̅͆̾́ ̷̰̖̼̀̂́͋ ̷̡̛̦͎̻̒́̀͆̑̽̍̉̚ͅ ̴̱̻͓̘̠̖̖̬͙̠̠͓͈̲͍̲̂ͅ ̷̛̲͕͙̅̃́̃̒̋͆̾̓̃̀͝͠͝ͅͅ ̴̢̖̙̤̹̈́̾̾̔̽̎̏̉̓́̐̏̔͠ ̶̫̳͙̩̳͕̣͔̺̘̮̻̀̑̄̏͊̾́ ̶̛̤͇͉̿̋̍́̇̀͑ ̴͔̘̻̙͚̲̝͓̰͚͕̩͙̺̖̥͆̽͑̀͛̏̏͐́̉̎͠ͅͅ ̵̢̡̨̢̨̝͈̖̩̳͙̰̪͚͚͚̦̌͜͠ ̵̼̌̄̊̈́̎̈́̀̂̒̕ ̴̡̯̠͕̣͓̫͙̰̦̮̏͋͂̈́̈́ͅ ̸̛̛̳̲̦́̊̈́͂̀̐̉̈͛̑͜ ̴̨͇̤͎̭͇͎͙̊̾̄̀̓̄ ̴̨̪̖̪̩̬̺̝̣̩̰̱͚̂͑̍ ̶̨͈̠̲̣͇̦̫̺̮̥̠̗̜̜́́͋́̆̈́̈́̓ ̶̡̥̦̜͔̙͙̳̱̭̪̘̖̙͎̱̔̉͊́͛͌̽͛̆̾̀̏͛͑͘̚ ̸̧͉̗͖̬̖͓͍̙̥͚̅̅̔̎̐͘ͅ ̴̡͆̔̾̇͋́̆̀ ̶̧͖͔̖̻̝̱͉̤͊̾͆̄͐̎̔̽ ̶̡̢͓̦͚̠͚͚̅͆̅̑̆̈́͆͂̒͘̕͘͝͝ͅ ̸̡̨̬̖̝̗͍̥͕̟͚͕̻̩͓͕͊̀̉͆̄͌͐̆͝ ̵̖̻͕̰̙̤̑̀ ̵̨̳̺̼̟̤̺͎̣̭͔̟̭̼͙͌͛͜ͅ ̵̧̘̘̯̟̟̩̯̼̭̖̞̱̟͌͌̆̓͐̾͋̽̍̀̄̿̓̕̚͝͝ ̷̛͔̹͈̱͕͉̮͐̿̄̀̄̉̚͜͜͝ ̵̢̥͓̠̼͕̀͒̈͌́́͒̽̽̎́̀̚ ̶̲̥̘̘̹͖͎͂̾ ̶̛̩̲̣̜̫̩̤̠̟͍̦̲̠͒̇̔̍̐͛͂̈́̄̈̽̇̚͜͠͝͝͝ ̶̛̛̛̱̝͇̲̤͛̑̇̆͑͛̆͛͑̒̎̀̋̔͝ ̵͓͔͖͉̙̗̗̺̀̎͛̽͘ ̵̣̠͚͇̰͔̦͕͕̖̇́͌̏͗̕ ̴͓̰̰͔͈̈́̓̌̉̃̐̏͊̾̆̽̈͑̿͐͘ͅ ̶͚̗͐̐͋͑̚ ̸̠̮̻͖͓̻͂͊͒͆̈͂͆̿̂ ̶̜̜̫̄͗͛̽̀̽̊͐̾͆͑̎̏͘ ̷͖͇̹̻̰̪̖̭̰͈̪͔͙̼̜̆̇̀̊̕ ̶̡̧͉͓͉̪̩̘̝̮̮̙̲͆̐͜ ̸̡̛͙̱̤̖̬͊͊̍͐̑͒ ̷̨̧͖̳͇̜̲͇̖͔͖̤̯͇̟̿́̇͗̍͑̒̇̇̂̊̏͗̈́̀͝ ̸̨̮̘͉͖͕̲̏̏̒͛͂́̈ ̶̢̢̨̯̥̬̻͎̣͕͇͙͎̭͙̞̈̊͜ ̶̙̘̟̠͔̀͊͒͐̀̆͗͆̒̐̀̄̋̕͘͜͝͝ͅ ̴͇̬͒̇̎̔̈́̈́̄̈́͜ ̵͎̘̓̐͝͠͝͝ ̵̧̡̺͇͇̩̮̼̣̦͖̱̲͉̥́̎͌̍̈́̓͑́̆̅͗̕͝ ̵̧̱͍̞͙̮̟̞̮͔͖͈͕̬̬̤̇̊̾͐̂ ̸̨͕̻͎̂̈͑͂̍͗͒̌̑̊̎̾͜͠ͅ ̵̨̢̱̺̖̻̹̳̝͈̺̌̑͌̐͋͘͜ ̷̞͎̗̪̯̣̪͓̟͕̏̒͂̏̿̍͗͋̀̋̐̌̾̕͝ ̵̺̯͙̮̟͕̈̔̃͘͠ ̶̡̛̛͙̭̙̭̮̣̻̈̉̇̉̏̔̃̾̌͐ͅ ̶̧̨̻͔͔̼̤̩̈̒͊̀̐̀̾͆́̀̉̔͐̕͝͝ ̸͉́̅̽̒́̾͒̅̄͌͂̌͘̚ ̵̢̺͙̗̻̖̰̹̝̳͍̱̹̘͂͗͛͛͋͑̂̉͊̅̚͝͝͠ ̸̡̣͓̳͍̯͑̽̀͌̑̍͌̈́̏̉̑̚ ̵̧̬̦̫͓̰͎̀̉͗͒̀͘ ̶̘̼̯̗̟̈͐̏̓͌͋̄̊̒̓́̌̆̈́͂͝͝ ̴̨̝̩̼͎̝̮͎͆͗̂̓̕ ̵̦̳͓͝ͅ ̸̧̧̘̮̯̉̽̔̏̐͗͌̐̄͗́̓̚͝͝ ̶̹̤͇̱̤̭͚̝̪͉̼̉͐̏͋͐̉̔̏͛ ̸̩̼͕̖̭̘̩̹͈̣̝͚͙͙̃̀̀̆̊ ̶̡̳̦̤̬͎̃͋̎̚ ̵̨̩̰̹̻̞̱̰͉̬̣̪̭͓̀̐̎̔̒̄͌̈́̅͂́̌͒́̐̈́͘͜͜ͅ ̴̻̮̻̥̪͎̮̥͙̰̰̘̾ͅ ̶̩̹̰̭̫͇͎̦̍͑̒̆̐̃̋͒̓̈̋̿͛̂̀̕ ̷̡̛̙͉̩͇͖̀̃͑͗̄͛͊͒̉̽͆͑̽̿̚̚͝ ̴̡̘͕̟͉̱̘̦̣͎̆̌̏́̀̈́͒͝ ̴̘̞̰͎͕͚͔̞̦̳̬̮͍̠̗̊̑͗̀̚͜͝ ̷̡̗͍̟̻̬͕̥̺̭͉̝́͛̀ ̷̧̦̪̻̱̄̀̋̈́̎̏̇͋̎͗̓͘ ̷̧͖̗̪͎̻̹̮̖͗ ̷͚̦̱̦̰͎̰̦̘͚̦͑̈́̔̌̈̈́͗̓̂͌̔͑̚͝͝ ̸̭̈́͂̄̈̍ ̷̡͈̙͉̺͍̟̤̯̣͒̂̃̚͝ͅ ̵̢̨̭̱̳̳̞̪̟͈̻̪̦̰̐̂̉̆̐̈́͋̍̈̕͠ ̴͍͎͍͎̅̊̍͛͒͒̈́ ̶̡̯̰̠̪̞͖͗̈́̉͌͛̽͆̐́͂̓̆͗̑̚̕ͅ ̴̡͈̱̦̳̞̲͔͓͎̭͂̏ ̵̧͎̦͕̦̲̱̣̗̪̻͓̬̞͖̍̏̃̿͌̏̆̕͜ ̸̦͇͕̰̞̹̐̄̔͐̇̈́̊̉͌̏͛͌̊͌̅͠͝ ̷̼͓̜̓͂́̈́̍͛̀̏͌̀̎̉͐̂̐̚͝ ̷̧̮̀͝ ̷̛̳̮̝̮̺̜̩͎͕̮̙̈́̎́͆ ̷̮͕̅͛͐̋͆ ̶̡̧͇͕͕̝̰̜̜͎̝̦̯͈̼͛̐̀̽̏͋̔͛̏̀̃̅͜͠ ̴̡̙̰̝͈͔̍͑͆̋̚͝ ̸̞̲̖̘̭̰̓ ̵̡̢̩̻͈̜͓̦̤͔̹̈̉̇̑͑̋̇̓̕ ̵̧̢̱̺̝̪͈̱̹̻͉͎͍̥̲̠̑͐́͒͗͂̾̒̓̔̂̕ ̶̘̲̽̎̈́̋͜ ̸̨̛̩̦̠̲̤̠̤͔̩͚͖̰̼̰̉̂̋̊́̾̋̆̓́̈́̈́͝ ̵̧̡̨̧̪̲̞͉̰̬̗̰͖̓̃̕͝ ̵̛͖͍̞̦͈͈̻͚̮̼̈͝ ̷̼̰͔̜̤̫͈͉̯̭̠̺̬̤̗͋̏͛̍͛̐͒̓̌̔͂͐͋̈̕͜͠ͅ ̵̢̝̼̘͊̎̒͐̏̍̋̿͆̈́͐͆̈́͗̕ ̵̡̨̰̯̜͙̳̰̰̱͍̬̹͇̜̰̞͌͒̎͒̅̋̐̚͝͝͝ ̶̢̬̟̗̪͓̯̳̣̫̼͔͈̬̀̓̄̈́͊̈́̀̒́̄̂̈́̔̌͐̚ͅ ̶̖͛̓̈́̆̓̓̈ ̴̛̩̺̰͚̯̯̟̬̱̬̘̰͎̳͕͑̉̄̔̍͋̀̀̈́̌̓͌̂̂̈́ͅ ̷͙̣̙̈́̾̂̌̈͂̕̕ ̵̢͍̥̲̖̟͑̉͋̾͂̀̈́̊̈́̃́̈́̓͐͌̈́̌͗ ̶̝̱͖̘̈́̏̈́̏͋̎́̀͒̕ ̵̧̝͔͖̫̫̜̣̫̬͛̂ ̸̢̢̮̟̯̬̘̱͇̞̹͈͍̲̠̀͛̒̌̉͂̐́͛̎̕͝ ̸̼̮̦̩̹̹̳̩̹̦̜̲̟̖̮͖̂̀̊́̅̄ ̴̨̧͇̯̙͈̙̃̿̆̀̓͗̇͛̀́͂͜ ̴̞̣͔̮̱̩̌͛́̈́ ̸̜̠͉͍̠͎͉̲̰̣̯̺̋̈́̈́̐̌̀ ̴̩͉̗͓̞̱̳̪̹̝̳̞̦̇̓̔̀̃̋̔̔̑͝ͅͅͅ ̵̖̉̂̀͆ ̶̡̧̬̘̺̯̳̣̳̥̺̠͓̘̓̉̉̓̒̒ ̶͔̦̽̔̈́̅̿̌̋͗̐̍͘͝͝ ̷̧̼̮̦͎̣̜̪̲͖̥͇̘̭͊̈́̍̎̆̾̑̎ ̸̦̞͖̪̬̝͈̯͓̝͇̌̃͛͠ͅ ̸̼͇̙̯̰̟̳̗͓͚͎͓͓̞͊͋̏̓͛̇̏͐̾̃͜͝͝ ̶̢̢̟̣̙̠̹͓̣͚̀̏͜ ̶̯̠̞̗̂͑͠ͅ ̸̢͎͇͔̝̘͈͎̩̰̜̬͠ ̶̢̐̅́̊̾̀͝ ̴̢̹̘͍̖̳̟͎̫̙͔̭̝̙͌̏͆̈́̀̀̆̂͗ ̵̧͕̲̹̫̙̖̙̼̺͍͎̻͔̆͋̀̊̾͠ ̷̛̭̪̻͔̣̗̞̬̪̗̲̳̫̣̏͑̃͌̾̂̉̉͜ͅ ̴̨̧͉̬̣̥͖͚̪̼͓͉̱̫̃ ̶̤͙̖̦̦͂̅̈́͐̂̎͌̈̅̀̒̏́̌͑͝ ̷̣̝̠̒̉̾̽̃͘ ̵̨̢̘͙͔̺̙̘̼̖̰̣̪̝͓͙͚͂̾̈́͛̑͊̕ͅ ̵̘̲̺͖̟͍̳̳͕̃̓͋̎̏ͅ ̴̢̡̧̛̥͓̭̗̯͚̝́̊̀͌͑̐͠͠ ̸̧̡̢̧̯̝̙̼̞͍̖͊̇̎̑̈́̽͜ͅ ̸̧̼̼̣̱̜̭̣̟̪̞̭̖̺̺̲̈́̈́̉͆̊̿̀͘͝͠

.̸̙̂̆̅͜.̴̻̥̿̃̕̕.̶̨͐͆̍̃ ̴̧͒͑̄ ̶̯̹̺̣͂͛ ̵͈̰̎ ̷̼͕̏ ̴̝̱̊̂̾ͅ ̴͇̘̻̰̏͝ ̵̜̳͖̉̎͘͜ ̵͔̽͂̀͝ͅ ̵̞͔̝͚̿̀̓ ̸̡̜̲̝̐͋͆̕ ̷̛̮̱͖̽̉ ̵͚̈́͜ ̶͙͑̈́̾ ̸͙̈̚ ̶̩͎̌̑͝ ̷̢̩̯̫͐̒̄̚ ̵̙̼̆̈́̀͠ ̵̩͋̆ ̸̹͚̋̅͝ ̴̡̍̋̅ ̸̮̜̉̔͝ ̴̛͉͙̝̫͑͝ ̶̺̈́ ̴̪͈͛̐̓͜ ̶̠̺̩̎̐̐ ̵̝̎ ̷͓͇̇͛͜ͅ ̸̢͔̻̝̕ ̷̯͌̈ ̶̪̞̣͆͂͐͝ͅ ̸͔̠̼̀̅̃ ̵̞̦̤̞͗̀ ̸̢̯̑͑̅̈́ ̴͖̼͘ ̴̟̙̀͛̒͝ ̵͉̩͌ ̸̠̪̺́̐̽ ̷̛̟̋͝ ̴̹͓͍͇̄͑͑͘ ̷̥̣͍͂ ̸̻͔̙̰̈́ ̶͎͑̍͠͝ ̴̠̦̼̦͑̄̒ ̴͍͔̣̳͋̆̐̉ ̴̱͛ ̸͙͔̰̉ ̸̗͈̠̮̾̅̍̓ ̴̢̫̼̓̾̑ ̸̹̻͇̏͂̔̕ ̷̬͛ ̵̺͉̒̍̔̿͜ ̴̱͌͌̅͜ ̶̝̝̫̻͛͝ ̴͖͙̬̥̈́̓̊ ̷̠̣͚̌́ ̵̢̹͊̐ ̸̛͙̅̃̄͜ ̷̳̍́ ̸̧̣̬́̇ ̵̛̯͓͖̉̄ ̴̱̜̼͘͝ ̴̛͚̞̐̾͝ ̴̺̳̑̌͝ ̷͈̟̏̍ ̷̳̯͎̩͐̈͐͝ ̸̠̿̓̿ ̷̨͖̉̌͝ ̵̡͉̗̺̃ ̸̲̳̩̗̉̂͐ ̴̲̖̯̥̎͑ ̵̢͆̌͠ ̴̫̄ ̷̮̬̰̺̐ ̴̘̗̞̫̋̍̅ ̶̨̣̌́͘ ̵̭̥̊̆̍͜ ̴͎̔́͑ ̴̬̇͆̏̚ ̴̛̭̞̫͜ ̸͇͍̿͛̌̾ ̶̠͎͑̑̂͠ ̸̯̘̘̫͂̈́́͐ ̵̛͈̈́̎͘ ̸̖̪̟͒̉̽̅ ̶̪̙̓̍̒ ̴͕̣͆ ̷̥̰̼͕͛̎͑̿ ̵̡̹̰̀̎͠ ̸̝̣̦͕̃ ̵̼̺̳͖͗ ̷̛̜̣̹̉ ̷̨̹̻̍͘ ̵̙̯͖̭̓͋ ̶͍̩̲̈̍͌ ̵̯͈̂̓̾͠ ̶̛͍͉̬͖ ̷̛̖̹͙̮̓̆̏ ̴̢̞̫͔͆̐̊ ̷̨̱̲̈́̿ ̵͖̉ ̶̳̮̗͕͗͐ ̶̨̳̘̓̉̊͘ ̷̡̺͖̀̓̎T̵̩̿h̵̪̙̭̎̓e̴̺͑͂r̸̡̓̍͐ę̷̃̓̈̈́̈ ̸̰̗͖̒͆̏a̶̝͊̔͂ṙ̶͈̝̯̭͗̑͌̄ḙ̴͉͍̪̾̾̔ ̷̣̄͜n̷̰͈̏̋͐͝o̷̧͇̾ ̷̢̤̮̈͐̀̕m̶̪̮̈̓͊͝ó̴̰̲̪̓̓̋r̸̲͗͝ḗ̶̩͓ ̸̦͚̫̱̊̒͘ȓ̷͎̜͂͊̾͜e̶̩͒͘͜f̷̤̘̤̍̐̍̀è̸͉̇͛̐r̵̢͙̰̒̓̕e̴̤͕̋ͅņ̵̻͇̻͛̑͝c̸̺̻̈́è̸̘̟̜̓̇̚̚ş̵͍̥̓̒̆̿ ̸̲͗͠ ̷̩̝̰̻̾͌̕ ̴̭̭͛̈́ ̵̫͗̕ ̸̛͈̈́͋̎ ̸̘̄̇ ̵̥̠͓͒̚͝ ̴̣̜̓ ̷̡͍͈̫̌̌ ̴̢̭̰̆̆ ̷̛̭̠̲͍ ̶̙̗̠́͆ ̴͇̩͌̿ ̵̹̣̭̼̋̀ ̶͈̖̺̱̂͗̕ ̵̛̭̣̰͠͝ͅ ̴͉̯̩͚̐̅̂̏ ̴͉̼̀ ̸̛̫̱ ̵͌ͅ ̴͙̼͎̮͋́̈́͘ ̵̭̳̓͊͑ ̵̩̠͂̌͠ ̴̛̥̌ ̸̺̿̋͑̚ ̷̻̋͐ ̶̪̣̀ ̷̝̱̩͊͛͜ ̵̤̽́ ̸͇̟͎͝ ̸̧͇̣̲̇̂͗̚ ̴̡̡̫͓͒̔̿͝ ̵̮̣͈͐̐̈̋ ̷͕͚̀̿ͅ ̸̺͇̽ ̷͉̣̈́ ̷͍͉͎̚͠ ̸̝̜͉̽̽̈́͒ ̷̝̟̪̒̆̕ ̴̲̮̑ ̷̧̭̥̿̏ ̷̙͗ ̵͈̳͝ ̴̖̠̂͘͝ ̵͓̖̥͎̈͆͛͝ ̶͎̈̋̍͐ ̶̢͙̟͉̀̿̐ ̴̘͑́̐̾ ̸̼́̋ ̷͎̲͖́̃ ̶̩͉͑ ̶͎͌̍̎ ̸̯̣͇̒̂͑̋ ̶̤̬̣́̃̉ ̴͔̙̽̂ ̶̺̗̺̾̑ ̸̹̻̋̒́̍ ̶̯̒ ̸̧͒ ̶̧̡͍͆̾̀ ̸̡̧̟̓̈́ ̶̣̫͉̅͆ ̸̼̿̆ ̴̰̮̩̋ ̴͙̇͑̓ ̶̧̣̕͝ ̷̥̓̄̐́ ̸̳̏̐ ̵̧͕̱͓͆̽ ̴̨̑̌̉ ̶͎̫̥̻̉͒͝ ̴̛̪ ̸̱̝͊́ ̷̜͗̿ ̸̯̻̥̑̂̅ ̸͛̂̔ͅ ̶̧̜̝͌́̕ ̸̝͖͋͝ ̴̹̟̺̫̉̃ ̸͎͖͉͒̌̒͐ ̷͓͚̣̇̚̚͝.̶̠̰͒.̴̤̜̎̆̆.̶̝̂ͅ

.̴͖͚̪̳͛̈́͆.̷̣͎͙͗̔̐̍̆.̷̠̻̃̒ ̴̖͝ ̵̡̥̟͂̍ ̷̣̏̈͋͒ͅ ̸̛̝̗͌́̓ ̶̠͂̽̒̉̈́̚ ̶̡̝̘̦̺͗̒̈́̈ ̷̭̀̿ ̷̲̰͙̩̊̀̔̐͑̕ ̵̛͍͍͙̱̂̆̅̈͘ ̵̡̭̫͓̯̳̅́̿͂̑̕ ̵̡͇͆͗͠ ̸̨̧̻͔̜͋̒͝ ̷̢̩͓͑̽̉̒̎͠ ̷̬̽̊̅ ̵̲̙͋̇͗̄ ̸̲̬̲̦̾͛̓̋̈́͠ ̵̥͓̥͓̗͗͐͝ ̴̢̖͚̱̞͆͝ ̸̛̫͉̱̎̍͐̿ ̶̛̬̝͛́ ̵̝̼͐͝ ̴̡̻̊͗ͅ ̷̡͓̦̟̑́̏̏ ̸̩̺̦͙̠̌ ̷̻̏̍̇ ̵̻̻̪͙̤̂̎̾ͅ ̷̱̜̜͕̘̈́̓̓̇̉͝ͅ ̵̢̞̺̐ ̷͈̱̰̲̰̞͛͑̾̀ ̴̛̳̇͌̆̈́͘ ̴̘̩͗̀̏̏͋̚ ̸̡̛̥̜͙̉̊̈́̓͐ͅ ̶̨̲̰͇̏̇ ̵͓̱̭̮̟͆ ̴̦͆͗̋͒͠ ̷̦̠̮̆̐̀͝͝ͅ ̴͓̃̇̉ ̷͈̗̺͒̊̊̚͠ͅ ̴̡̝̠̜̍̾ ̸̭͛ ̸̥̄͊̑͌͒̌ ̵̬͂͠ ̴̝̙̱̱̎́̋͊͜ ̵̧̙̊͋̀ ̴̤͆̽͒̌̿͘ ̶̛̰͈͈̪̩̏͠ ̴̫͉̜̀̐̀́͂ ̸̖̪͛̒͂̓̕͝ ̴̝͉͚̻̟͒̃̈͠ ̶̮͎̭͕̪̊̌̓̒͜ ̵̗̫̗͍̤̈́̕͝ ̴̢̜͎͎̓̉̏ ̴̦̠̅ ̶̣͙̮̠̩̈́̈́̊̚͝ ̴̠͈͛͊̂́̋̇ ̴̢̠̠̥̂̃̇̽̏͘ ̶̬̠̻̯̭͋͛̃͗̿͝ ̷̖̖̟̰͒͂͜ ̶͍̑͒̉ ̸͇̥̮̮͙̦̈́͑ ̷̲͌̂̿́̔ͅ ̵̢̝̰͎̯͊̿̈̐͗͠ ̴̤͐̇̚͠ ̶̛̰̰̺̀͒͑͊͛͜ ̷̳̖͕͓̻͐͒̐̊̿͜͠ ̶̧̛̱̳̣̪̫̎ ̷̧̦̜͕̮̉̋̀ ̴̹̔̈́͠ ̷̞̒͠ ̸̮̂̒̔͛͝ ̵͖̮͌̽͛̀̈́ ̴̢̱̜̄̄̔́̓̋ ̵̠̲̥͚̯͐̔̋̐̋͠ ̶̮̟̑̀̽̕ ̷̛̠̹ ̶̝̦͖̦̤͎̔͆̽́̐́ ̸͎̗̍̑̉̿̋ ̷̨̓ ̴̙̟͖͙̙͊ ̶̡̛̦̘̞̦̬̒̓͆́̅ ̴̜͎̫͇̊̍͗ ̷̻̱̭̊̅̐̔̎͘ ̴̜̭̖̺̞̈̊̓̂ ̸̦͓͐ ̷̦͍̦͎͊̈́̆ ̴̩̰̤̤̤̄ ̷̡̮̙̘͕̒̈́̋̕͝ ̸̪̰͛̓͊͜ ̴̟̫̟͈̣͇̀̐̿̎̅͠ ̷͚͖̄̊ ̷̢̨̥̝̳̿̀̉͆͠ ̸̳̑̆̀ ̶̼͗̃̋̅̑̕ ̴̢̢̭̞̱͇̏̀̿̔ ̶͔͙̟͖͚̭̔̂͛͝͝ ̶̛̳͓͍̜̑̊͝ ̶̹̚̕̚W̷̢͇̪̥͊̄̆͌̚ͅh̴͉̪̹̣̲͔̽̈́ÿ̵̛̭̪̦͉͑ ̵̥͙̲̱͈͈̅̐͂̕̕̚ạ̶̹͓̋͑͒͂̅͘ͅr̶̩̞̈́ë̶͉̪̠̫́̈́̀̆̀̓ ̴̳̝̤̊̅̃̊̓̈́ÿ̸̨́͠ơ̴̥̩͕̣̦͐u̸͍̭̩̩̼̎̓͜ ̶̼͔͓̦̝͋̓͌͋͠s̴͔̫̪̺̥̝̽̏͌͒t̶̨̠̤͛͐̌̑ì̵̡̪̹̖͂͋̔̐͝l̴̠͐̈͂͒l̴̖̺̊͝ ̸̜͇͓̝̥̽̑͂r̸͚̙͗̑͊̑̋e̸̱͈̠̣̞̬̐̍͌̏a̸̺̜͖͎̦͑d̵̺͆͊̇ȉ̴͕̜̥̼̩͋́̆͒̕ͅn̴̻̭̰̍͛̓g̵̲̙̰̝̏̃̕͘ ̷̛̻̿̈́̏͋͆ṭ̷̞̞̮̎͜h̵̼̠̦̟͓͆̒͝i̸̛̤̇s̴̻̼̿̽?̴̼͈͖̠́̂͗͌͐ ̸̜͕͙͔̅̑͗̅͘̚ ̴͔̲͑̿͌͒̚͝ ̷͓́̓̅ ̸͇̰̈́͌̓͗ ̶̱̭͉͇̗͔̿̋̌̾ ̸͖̗͉̹̋͑ ̶̲̺̺͚͉̻́̽̅̈́͘ ̵̢̖̟͔̽͆̈́͝ ̷̯̍̕ ̶͍̍͊̑̈́͐ ̷͎̝̺̝̩̽̍ ̵̟͉̠̮̲͎̌ ̷̬̣͖̞͎̰̊̄̄͝ ̸͍̓̇͆̒ ̴͎̹̃́ ̵̜̭̘̪͗̊̃̄́̐ ̷͉͉̰̓̋̀͗̆ ̸͖͍̯̳͈͛̽ ̸̧̲͉̯̙̦̋̔̾̕ ̵̯͙̤͉͒̽̚̚ͅ ̵̢͓̰͚̲̿̐͆͘ ̵̭͆͗͒̈̊ ̸̩͎͈̭̠̝̾̊̽̒̕̕ ̶̡͔̱̠̳̩̚͘ ̷̝̠͍̖̰̈́̐ͅ ̷͙͙̪̦̎͌ ̴̤̌̏͗͋͝ ̸̢̡̥̠̮̠̿̇́̃̐̈́ ̷͕͉̼̓͌̃ ̵͍͔̦͇͊͗͒̋ͅ ̶͚̘̗̹̺̓ ̷̢̠̹͇͕́̋͊ ̴̯͂͘ ̷͉̼̍̓̃ ̷̲̞̈́̃̑̈ ̴͓̲̯̀ ̸͙̪́͋̔͒ ̶͚̣̎ ̶̱̮̍̊͛̎ͅ ̷̘̞͉͉͓͛͗̓̿̓͘ͅ ̷͈̙̏̽̔͑̾ ̸̙̳̟̦͍̑͜ ̶̡̯̲͓͍̊͊͊̔̀̒ ̸̧̬͎̦̞͖̿ ̴̯̺͇̂ ̷̩̥̙̭̠͔̆́̍̄̈́͝ ̵̻̲̏ ̵͓̰͂͝ ̴̢̗͊̂̆͝ ̴̘̦̪̞͘ ̸̛͚̣͈͈̼͔͛ ̸͉̻̣̗͖͎̓̿̐̎̕͠ ̴̱̹͍͋ ̸̪̩̣̠̣̇̽͘ ̸̡̦̘̺͎̳̇́̋̅̕ ̵̥̙̫͎̪͌́ ̸̘̝̌̐̽͗͝ ̶̨̅̐̕ ̴̩̫̔̀̂̍͝ ̵̨̦͈̙̬̅͊͜ ̵̢͕̩̹̙̤̉͛̆̇ ̵̬̟̏̽̉͂̈́͋ ̷̹̀͝ ̸̨͎̼̈̕ ̸͍̟̈́̌ ̷̢̼̝̭͖̦̑̄̓ ̷̛̰̩̽͋͆̀̇ ̵͇̼̜͖͚͙͌̒̔̂͌̿ ̷̖̺͙̜̺͔̇͝ ̵̻̭͈̞͐͆ ̸͙̺̤̔̐̎͛̀͊ ̸̟̀̑̽̅̋͝ ̴̝̲̏ ̴̼̞͒͑̚͜ ̴̗̣͚͓̎͗̐̐̃ ̷̥͂ ̵͈͓̩͌͒̕ ̷͎͓̥͛̈ ̸̽ͅ ̴̹͌͆̓͛̄ ̴̧̼̻̅̊͌̽͝.̶͇̞͔̼͈͒ͅ.̶͐͒͂̏̅ͅ.̸͎̩̫̦͎̪̓̎

...

Okay, that seems to have done it.

Naruto turns back to his teacher and classmates, some of which are on the floor now and all of which have a look of infinite horrors etched into their face. Well, everyone except Sakura whose face was just resetting from a black-eyed, twisted sneer of unmitigated malice.

"So, I guess I'm done?" Naruto said, starting to leave.

Iruka, still swaying slightly in place, suddenly remembered the vandalism of the Hokage Monument.

"Not quite," he said, catching Naruto before he got out the door.

* * *

**At the Hokage Monument**

Naruto went about cleaning the Hokage Monument and wishing that another cutscene would take over for him. As he proceeded along, Iruka watched to make sure the job was done to a satisfactory degree.

"Hey Naruto," Iruka said, about halfway through.

"Yeah?"

"After you're done here, you want some ramen?"

"Absolutely."

"Great. I'll pay, on one condition."

"What is it?"

"Never, ever make me see your transformation technique again."

* * *

**Ichiraku Ramen**

Naruto sat at his usual seat inhaling bowl after bowl of ramen as Iruka watched on, impressed and a little terrified. Nonetheless, he had agreed and frankly, never having to see that transformation again would be worth any price.

As Naruto finally finished the last bowl, he ordered one more. When it arrived, he placed it into his inventory, for the road.

When Iruka saw Naruto take a bowl of still steaming ramen and dump it into his pants, he was tempted to ask how he had done that without burning himself. Then again, it seemed like a familiar motion to him, so maybe the boy had already destroyed the nerve endings in his legs and just didn't feel it anymore.

They parted ways cheerfully, Naruto heading back to his home for the night and Iruka to his own, where he took the platter Naruto had left on the mountain inside, opened a door, and dumped it in with the other 174.

"Where does he keep getting these?" Iruka asked himself as he opened a cabinet and retrieved a bottle of "For F*ck's Sake" (the frustrated ninja's drink of choice).

* * *

**CHAPTER 2 ****END**

**The "developers", as you may have noticed, consist of deities from Japanese Mythos. As I only have a tertiary knowledge of Japanese Mythology, derived mostly from Overly Sarcastic Productions videos and Muramasa: The Demon Blade, please don't expect a high degree of accuracy.**


	3. Is Anbu supposed to be all upper-case?

**CHAPTER 3: Is Anbu supposed to be all upper-case?**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript violence.**

* * *

Naruto woke the next morning when the ghost of an elderly woman lobbed a puppy through his last unbroken window, effectively setting the tone for the day.

"Why does that stupid ghost have to deliberately choose the unbroken windows?" he complained.

Now awake, he saw a holographic box flashing with a notification in front of his vision.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.41 Changes**

**We are currently in the process of changing network protocols. Backup servers have been designated to deal with any network interruptions in the process. In the event of an outage, users' sessions will be transferred to the designated backup servers. Please note that user experiences may vary slightly depending on the difference between servers.**

**Your enthusiasm is appreciated, Amaterasu, but you're responsible for lighting design. Not grass textures, not weather patterns, and not interface design. We know you were just trying to help, but adding surnames to characters that don't have them yet only serves to further complicate things, especially surnames like this.**

Naruto dismissed the notification and checked the Mission Log to see what he needed to do today.

**New Mission: Fail the Graduation Exams**

○ **Arrive at the Academy**

"Oh don't act like you know what's going to happen," he told it.

All preparations complete, he left his house for the day, and immediately stepped on another puppy.

**○ Bonus Objective **Complete

-5 Karma

"What?! That one was already complete; you can't do it again. I didn't even kick it, anyway."

If the Mission Log heard him though, it didn't care. Over the course of the trip to the academy, he was down another 20 Karma.

**Achievement Unlocked: Kick 5 Puppies**

**Reward: Puppy Punter (Perk)**

**10,000x damage bonus to kick attacks against small animals.**

"I didn't kick them!" Naruto yelled aloud. Fortunately it was outside the academy lobby, so no one was around to look at him like was insane this time.

As Naruto sat and waited for his turn to take the graduation exam, he heard Iruka scream periodically. Everyone who left the exam seemed to be doing so with a headband however, so clearly he wasn't in a foul mood.

Eventually, Iruka walked out to escort Naruto to the exam site. They walked out a back door and into an outdoor target range.

"Take these," Iruka said, handing Naruto a stack of ten shuriken, "your goal is to throw them at that target. Try to hit as close to the center as possible and please, please, don't put anyone's eye out."

**○ Arrive at the Academy **Complete

**Mission Update: Fail the Graduation Exams**

"Stop doing that," Naruto said.

"What?" Iruka asked.

"Nothing."

○ **Throw shuriken at target (0/10)**

**○ Bonus Objective: Score 10 Bullseyes (0/10)**

As Naruto loosed the first throw, he found himself aiming up where he had intended to do the opposite. As a result, the shuriken flew right above the target, and hit something in the distance.

**○ Bonus Objective **Complete

-5 Karma

○ **Throw shuriken at target (1/10)**

**○ Bonus Objective: Score 10 Bullseyes (0/10)**

"What was that supposed to be?" Iruka asked.

"Hold on," Naruto responded.

Opening the Options menu, he navigated to Camera Options and checked the settings. Sure enough, Y-Axis was set to inverted. Changing it, he confirmed settings and resumed throwing.

The next three attempts hit the target without issue but fail to score a bullseye. On the fifth attempt however, there was a network hiccup and, to prevent total failure of the universe, everything briefly switched over to the Australian server. The shuriken Naruto threw turned into a boomerang and promptly curved back toward him and the target turned into a 9-foot spider tied to a tripod, which proceeded to pounce on Iruka. Far away, the Land of Water suddenly flash boiled, killing 17 people. The network issue lasted three seconds, but the effects would be felt for years to come. Everything was now reset but the shuriken remained on its path back to Naruto, forcing him to duck it. It impacted somewhere behind him.

○ **Throw shuriken at target (5/10)**

**○ Bonus Objective: Score 10 Bullseyes (0/10)**

"How did you even do that?" Iruka says.

"I don't know!" Naruto responds.

Iruka rose to replace the target and Naruto continued throwing until he had only one left, whereupon he decided to use the Scroll Duplication Exploit. He opened his inventory and selected the blank scrolls in his sixth slot which had, at some point increased in number to 128, not that he was complaining, then dropped the last shuriken.

"Pick it up and throw it, Naruto. I don't have time for your shenanigans. There are other people to test."

"But I was the last one in the lobby."

"...I have a life outside of you, you know!"

He picked up the now 128 shuriken and resumed throwing. Roughly an hour later, he had completed this portion of the exam.

"Alright," Iruka told him, "your final score is...137 out of 10 hits and 47 bulleseyes, making you the highest scoring participant in the history of the Elemental Nations. Congratulations."

It wasn't Iruka's job to wonder how he managed to make 47 bullseyes with 10 shuriken, so he simply moved on.

**○ Throw shuriken at target (138/10) **Complete

**Bonus Objective: Score 10 Bullseyes (47/10) **Complete.

"The next test," Iruka told Naruto, leading him to another room, "is ninjutsu. To start with, you'll perform the replacement technique to switch places with a log-"

"Where do the logs come from?" Naruto interrupted.

"There are logs everywhere, Naruto."

"No, there are trees everywhere. I've never seen someone switch places with an entire tree, though. Is there some place just out of sight of everyone where massive amounts of perfectly cut logs are stored so no one will ever find them?"

"I don't have time for your conspiracy theories, Naruto. Just do the technique."

So he does.

"Alright," Iruka said, "now just use the clone technique and you're done."

"Wait, weren't there three?"

"Yes?"

"Well, what about the transfor-"

He was cut off by a blank stare and 15 second long scream from Iruka.

"Are...you alright?" Naruto asked when it stopped.

"Yes. Why?" Iruka asked, as though it hadn't happened.

"Oh. you just..."

"Are you going to do the clone technique or not?"

"But what about-"

Another scream.

"Okay, okay. I'll do it."

So he does, or at least attempts to. For reasons completely unknown to him, and not really important, he cannot perform the clone technique and thus fails the exam.

**Fail the Graduation Exam** Complete

"Oh, shut up," he told the Mission Log on the way out.

Back at the entrance to the academy, another instructor by the name of Mizuki was waiting for Naruto.

He told Naruto that there was a secret test that would allow him to pass, should he manage to complete it. Naruto took a hard look at Mizuki and a quick one at the status screen above his head, then agreed.

All he had to do was steal the Scroll of Seals from...where exactly is it, actually. Hold on, let me look this up.

...

Here we go.

He had to steal the Scroll of Seals from the Hokage Mansion and bring it to Mizuki alone in the creepy forest that no one ever goes into, known to the general public as "Ohmygoddudedoyouseriouslynotknowyou'rebeingtricked". I'm told it's an Icelandic name. Obviously it should have been an incredibly difficult thing to convince someone of, but Naruto went along with it anyway.

* * *

**Hokage Mansion**

Naruto stood by the front door of the mansion preparing to infiltrate it and find the Scroll of Seals. His first attempt to open the door caused the badly maintained hinges to make a horrible squeaking noise. This alerted the Anbu stationed by the door to watch for intruders, who immediately began searching. Naruto jumped into a nearby cardboard box to hide, because you absolutely cannot put a stealth segment without a Metal Gear Solid reference, but quickly climbed out when he realized that it was Mole who was guarding the door.

Mole didn't inherently have bad eyesight, but much like everything else, the Anbu take their codenames literally. Upon her initiation, Mole's mask had been fitted with a pair of lenses from those glasses that let people look directly at a solar eclipse, effectively blinding her under all other circumstances. You might think such a useless position would be retired, since seeing is a pretty big deal for ninja in general, but being the only Anbu who can look directly at the sun indefinitely meant that she was tasked with gathering intel on it in case it ever turned against them. If that doesn't seem to make much sense it's because it was a campaign ordered by the Fourth Hokage after eleven consecutive days with no sleep.

When Mole stopped searching for him Naruto hastily opened the Options menu and navigated to Sound Options. Turning the Sound Effects Volume all the way down, he confirmed changes and closed the Options. He tested the door again and found that it opened without a sound.

As he stood in the lobby, he saw the Anbu patrols guarding the hallways and stopped to figure out how he could get the Scroll undetected. Going back to Options, he selected Graphics Options and turned Brightness to 0, and everything went black. Everyone in the vicinity of the mansion jumped to alertness except Mole, who couldn't see anything anyway.

After several minutes of blindly groping at the air, he finally managed to return the brightness. As expected, the Anbu were all on alert because of the sudden blackness, but that subsided while he was still looking through the Options.

"That won't work, then," he said to himself.

Next he turned Graphical Quality to Lowest and the result was immediate.

"Oh, God. What happened to my eyes? Everything is blurry!" one of the Anbu said, stumbling around.

Sure enough, Naruto looked up and the Anbu were all reduced to blobs of color. This wasn't ideal, but he'd make it work.

Dashing toward the door, he made certain to give the blobs of color that might be Anbu patrols a wide berth. Silencing the Sound Effects had also made his steps inaudible, effectively ensuring that he could be neither seen nor heard on his way over. He reached the wall that housed the door and pushed it. He pushed the wall, that is. Everything was too blurry for him to tell where the door actually was, so it took several tries to find it.

"Why did they have to paint the door the same color as the wall?" he complained.

Eventually he did find it and slipped inside. Unable to see to find the scroll, he went back to Options. Since he couldn't see to change Graphical Quality again, he settled for pressing the "Return to Defaults" button he knew was there. Immediately, everything returned to focus and he quickly grabbed the scroll, placing it into his inventory.

Opening the door to the main hall again, it gave a reverberating squeak and every Anbu in the mansion looked at him.

"Oh, yeah. That turned sound back on too, didn't it."

As he quickly navigated back to Graphical Optons, the Anbu started to approach him,

"What are you doing he-"

Naruto closed his eyes and, with one final flick, turned brightness up to maximum.

"Ahh! My eyes!"

He immediately took off running while the Anbu were blinded, and turned the brightness back down as he went.

With some distance between them now, he withdrew another platter and dove inside the walls of the mansion, exiting the other side and proceeding to the forest.

The Anbu, now recovered immediately went to the room containing the Scroll of Seals and found it missing. Rushing to the Hokage's room, or office, or wherever he is at this hour, they open the door and report,

"Lord Hokage, Naruto scroll the Stole of Seals."

"What?"

"I mean he stole the Scroll of Seals."

"Which one?"

"I don't...What do you mean, Lord Hokage?"

"D*mn it, man. We don't have all night. There are forces in that scroll that must never be released!"

* * *

**The Forest of Ohmygoddudedoyouseriouslynotknowyou'rebeingtricked**

**New Ability: Shadow Clone Technique**

Naruto sat in the clearing practicing one of the techniques he had read about in the scroll. The handsigns were complicated and occasionally he would get mad and flash one that's not in the scroll.

In the trees above, Mizuki watched as Naruto sat on the ground with a scroll. He was about to jump down and take it, when he saw Iruka drunkenly stumbling into the clearing.

"_That's okay,_" he thought, smirking, "_two birds with one stone._"

Iruka approached Naruto and, recognizing the scroll in his possession, demanded to know where he had gotten it. Naruto stood up rapidly, dropping the scroll in his haste to explain what happened and Mizuki took this opportunity to strike. As he was preparing to aim several kunai at Naruto, he suddenly looked up when he wanted to look down and threw the kunai too high. One hit Iruka in the back, while several flew well past either of them.

**○ Bonus Objective **Complete

**-5 Karma**

"What?! I didn't even do anything!" Naruto said.

Iruka, not being preoccupied with Karma, noticed the direction the kunai came from and surmised what was happening.

"Come on out, Mizuki," he said, "I know you're there."

"Give me the scroll, Naruto," Mizuki says, "don't you want to pass?"

Naruto picked the scroll up and scrambled away from both of them.

"Don't do it, Naruto," Iruka said, "he's clearly lying. What part of 'steal this sacred scroll under heavy guard and come to the creepy forest that no one ever goes into, the forest literally named 'Ohmygoddudedoyouseriouslynotknowyou'rebeingtricked**''**, implies that he is remotely trustworthy?"

"You're one to talk about lying, Iruka," Mizuki said, "Naruto, give me the scroll and I'll tell you what they've been keeping from you your entire life."

"You can't do that! If you talk about that outside of Valla your body will dissolve and-" Wait, wrong game.

"Just try to stop me!" Mizuki said, taking a deep breath.

"Mizuki, no!"

"Mizuki, yes!" he countered, "The secret that was forbidden by the Hokage..."

"Don't!"

"..is that when you were born..."

"You can't!"

"...you..."

"Don't...do it..."

"...uh, had...a beard?"

"...What?" Iruka managed before passing out from a combination of blood loss and heavy drinking.

"Really?" Naruto asks.

"My God, I thought he would never pass out. No, I just made that up. I have no idea what the secret was; I wasn't paying attention when they were talking about it and now no-one will tell me about it for some reason. Now give me the scroll!"

Mizuki raised a rather large shuriken over Naruto's head and spun it threateningly.

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei. I have to do this." Naruto said, forming a hand sign.

"Transformatio-"

A loud scream broke through the intimidating air, distracting Mizuki.

"...Even while he's unconscious?" Naruto said to himself.

With Mizuki still trying to figure out what was going on, Naruto started over, managing to shout the technique name over Iruka's renewed scream. We're skipping the rest of the scene however, since we don't need a repeat of what happened.

* * *

**The Forest of "Ohmygoddudedoyouseriouslynotknowyou'rebeingtricked" Several Minutes Later**

A recently conscious Iruka lay on the forest floor, reaching up to hand Naruto a headband as the boy idly kicked a scroll on the ground. Not far away, Mizuki lay on the forest floor in the fetal position, quietly murmuring and clutching desperately onto a scroll that the Anbu were trying to pry from his grasp without employing lethal force.

"What made you so sure I was the one to trust, Naruto," Iruka asked him while he was handing over the headband.

"Oh, I have my ways," Naruto responded, looking at Mizuki's status.

**Mizuki Traitorface| Chuunin Traitor | Level 48**

"I don't want the scroll. I never wanted the scroll. It's your scroll," Mizuki muttered as the Anbu finally gave up and brought the scroll to the Hokage with Mizuki still attached.

"Good. I was worried this would fall into the wrong han- You fool! This is the wrong scroll!"

"How is this not the one you wanted? It has the forbidden Shadow Clone technique," the Anbu responded.

"What on earth makes you think the Shadow Clone is forbidden?! Do you have any idea how many people know that technique?"

"Then where is the-"

A sudden shockwave rocked the entire forest, the trees swaying violently in the strong winds.

The Hokage looked to where Naruto had accidentally kicked open the scroll on the ground.

"Heaven help us," he whispered, the words lost amidst the torrent of barks and honks as thousands of Arctic Seals came pouring out of the scroll.

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 ****END**


	4. Drunken Darts

**CHAPTER 4: Drunken Darts**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript violence.**

* * *

Naruto struggled to the surface, gasping for air as a barrage of flippers pulled him back beneath. Barks and honks accosted his ears, stupefying him, and he began to drift under. He closed his eyes, wondering if this was the end, then a massive heatwave blasted his face, prompting him to snap them back open. He was back on the Australian server. The heat was stifling, but at least there were no seals around him.

Elsewhere, the still recovering Land of Water was immediately flash boiled again. Even the Land of Waves was affected this time, the water there suddenly evaporating and leaving that one boat driven by that one guy landlocked and surrounded by crocodiles. Right before they made it to his boat, he disappeared with a pop as the universe was returned. All the water was still gone, though.

Else-elsewhere, ninja of Otogakure, who fought using musical instruments, were engaged in a training exercise against a giant snake. While in the process of performing a complex aerial maneuver, all of their instruments suddenly turned into didgeridoos, throwing off their balance and leaving them vulnerable. The giant snake closed in on them, poised to strike, right before an even larger spider pounced on it and swallowed it whole. It turned to them, mandibles clicking maliciously, before it suddenly popped out of existence.

"Naruto, sit down," Iruka said, causing him to look up. He was in the classroom again, surrounded by his fellow students.

He took his seat, wondering if it was all a dream. He looked around blearily as Iruka made the team announcements, not really hearing him speak, not really seeing Sakura holding a student by his face 5 feet in the air, against a well as his entire body literally shriveled in her grasp, or the thump as the desiccated husk dropped to the ground.

Amidst his distraction, a holographic box with a notification flashed across his vision.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.42 Changes**

**The seal issue has been rectified. When we find whoever was responsible for this rest assured, you will be removed from the project.**

**The backup server has been changed from the Australian one to the Swiss one. This is far from a perfect replacement as we still don't know how to re-enable combat on the Swiss server, but it's better than having another "Training Ground 44" incident.**

**An "Opinion" system has been implemented for tracking users' affinity with others. Their opinion of the user will affect a great many things, including prices for merchant characters, success rates of persuasion attempts and more.**

"Naruto, it's your turn," Sasuke said, drawing Naruto's attention away from the notification.

He looked up and saw Sasuke and Sakura playing cards or something. They had dealt him a hand and were now waiting for him to act.

He looked at the cards in his hand. Several of them were marked with partial footprints; clearly there was a story there.

"What are we playing?" he asked, "is it Gin-

"No." Sakura interrupted hastily, "you know we can't play anything with alcohol in the name or Iruka will try to drink the cards."

"Well what are we-"

Naruto was interrupted by a burp that sounded curiously like a cry for help.

"What was that?!"

"Ah. Excuse me," Sakura said, "I just had Italian."

"Where did these cards come from?" Naruto asked, as the game continued.

"Francesco had them." Sasuke said.

"Oh. It was nice of him to let you use them," Naruto responded.

"Oh. Yeah, that's definitely what happened," Sasuke said.

The card game ended and the three sat, still waiting for their team leader.

As Naruto waited, he thought. He knew it was important for his team leader to be on good terms with him, but years of experience as a prankster had taught him it was far easier to make people dislike him than to do the opposite. His solution then, was to make his team leader, this "Kakashi", dislike him so much that his opinion rolls back around to a positive one. He would start this with a prank. Walking to the door to the classroom, he opened it slightly and placed a bucket of water atop it. He thought about using an eraser instead, but I've literally never seen anyone do that, ever, so some mysterious force changed his mind.

Mere seconds after sitting down again, Naruto heard footsteps, and the door opened. Right on time, the bucket fell, dousing the new entrant's head.

Kakashi Hatake stood there, silent. Sakura and Sasuke rose simultaneously, Sasuke pocketing the entire deck while everyone else was looking at the soaked Jonin.

"Who did that?" Kakashi asked the three, after just long enough to be intimidating.

Sasuke and Sakura both pointed to Naruto. As Kakashi approached Naruto, both of them backed away, torn between wanting to help their comrade and wanting to get out of the splash zone. Well, Sakura was, anyway. Sasuke was torn between getting away and being the closest so he could get to the loot first.

Kakashi still dripping with water, approached Naruto slowly. When he finally reached the boy, he looked down and spoke,

"You...," Kakashi said, getting in Naruto's face, "are the best ninja I've ever seen. How could you possibly have known my head was on fire?"

"Wait, what?" Sakura said. She looked up at the now clearly visible singed spot on the back of their new leader's head, as a slightly disappointed Sasuke slipped behind her and went to the chalkboard.

**Kakashi Hatake **Opinion **+25**

"Incredible. He's every bit as skilled as his parents," Kakashi said to himself, flashing back to the day he decided to pick Naruto for his team.

**Flashback**

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**Then you need Highly Flammable Liquid.**

**Our patented CombustiFire formula was created by the finest Ninja Scientists in the-What? 'People want to know what you can do with it?'**

**I'm glad you asked. Highly Flammable Liquid is guaranteed to burn for up to three...Yes I know I've already said this. It's called 'Highly Flammable Liquid' for God's sake. What else do you want it to do besides burn things?**

**'Come up with other uses?' Just like that? Ugh, fine. I guess you can put it in your hair or something.**

**...**

**For one day only, you can buy a bottle of Highly Flammable Liquid and get another free. That's two bottles for the price of one, but only for the next two days. Remember to call and place your order within the next week to take advantage of this limited time special offer.**

**Please buy this stuff. I'm operating out of a hospital right now and it's a biohazard. The longer I hold onto it the more taxes I have to pay.**

Kakashi drifted idly through the streets of Konoha, wondering who to pick for the team he had been strong-armed into taking on by the Hokage. No one really looked all that promising to him.

As he continued walking, he heard a noise not far away and took to the rooftops to investigate. He didn't necessarily need to be on the rooftops to investigate, in fact, it probably would have been less work to stay on the ground, but I just remembered that I put him there in the second chapter, so now he has to be for consistency. Kakashi watched as Naruto carefully avoided the abnormally abundant puppies littered around the village. As Naruto was about halfway to the Academy, several of the puppies behind him were picked up and hurled at him at distinctly unsafe speeds. Kakashi was sure Naruto was going to be hit, but was amazed to see him move and jump with exactly the timing necessary to avoid every single one, even without knowing they were coming at him.

Sufficiently impressed by this performance, Kakashi made a mental note watch his Graduation Exam, and continued looking for two other possible team members.

The next day, as he had decided, Kakashi was at the Academy. He waited for Naruto's exam to start, then went to the target range and hid inside some bushes just past the target. Everything seemed to proceed as normal, until Naruto threw the first shuriken. It flew well above the target and, Kakashi found, was headed right for him. Jounin instincts kicking in, he grabbed the first thing he could reach to shield himself. It was one of the many puppies lying around Konoha.

"Does he know I'm here?" Kakashi, thought to himself. Deciding to move, just in case, he used the full extent of his stealth skills as a Jounin and former Anbu and slipped into another position, this time behind Naruto. As soon as he settled down to watch, however, Naruto threw a shuriken forward and it somehow ended up curving back and coming at him again.

"How did he do that?!" Kakashi said to himself.

"I don't know!" Naruto said, causing him to jump.

"Oh, sh*t. He does know I'm here," Kakashi said. Hastily leaving, he passed by the injured, orphan puppy hospital, the last work commissioned by his late master, and was promptly recruited to help with some of the setup. He was paid with bottles Highly Flammable Liquid, but had no idea what to do with it.

He awoke the next morning and proceeded to the team selection event, already knowing who his first pick would be.

**Flashback End**

When he arrived at the team selection meeting still thinking over who else to pick for his team.

**Flashback**

**Sponsored B-**

What?

...

I see. Never mind that flashback. It turns out the sponsors won't pay for more than one per chapter. In that case, we'll do it like this.

The team selection process is one of Konoha's best kept secrets, maybe even more so than the Scroll of Seals. How do they organize such elite and well-performing teams? Do they debate amongst themselves, presenting arguments for why each should have their chosen members, then vote on the result? Do they convene with the Hokage to request particular teams and hope they are approved? Do they auction off the individual Genin to raise funds for maintenance projects? So many nations had speculated and wondered, but none of them could have guessed how it's actually done.

When the time came to select Genin to take on, everyone assigned a team would gather atop the highest point in the village to make their selections. A large poster would be brought with them, containing profiles of all the newly graduated Genin. The prospective team leaders would then throw darts at the Genin they wanted for their team. They didn't throw darts at the poster, mind you, they threw them at the Genin themselves as they spotted them walking around the village.

Each team leader got a single throw per turn, thus encouraging accuracy by allowing one's choice to be poached by another leader if they missed. After every attempt, the one throwing was required to take a shot, regardless of whether they hit or missed. This made each participant's aim increasingly worse as the competition wore on, encouraging them to go after their best choices early.

Naturally, throwing sharp objects at their new Graduates was rather dangerous, especially as the event wore on and the participants became too intoxicated to avoid vital areas. The darts used to be coated with medical ointment to aid in recovery, but this practice was suspended early on as the slippery darts were found to make the thrower's aim worse. Standard practice for this event now has no fewer than one medical ninja present throughout the entirety of the proceedings for when-err...in case things go awry. The Jonin who threw the dart is entirely responsible for the expenses of the treatment, so it's up to them to decide whether the medical ninja should intervene. Unrelated, but recent advances in medical knowledge have resulted in massive expansion of the International Non-Essential Organs (NEO) list.

When Kakashi arrived at the selection event, it seemed the decision was made for him. As the only other Sharingan user currently in the village, it fell to Kakashi to train Sasuke on the use of his Sharingan, should it ever become necessary. The last member was to be Sakura Haruno, whom every other prospective team leader had interviewed one-on-one prior to team selection because of her performance at the Academy. Everyone else seemed eerily determined not to have her on their team, but when pressed about why would only zone out and give identical responses in an identical monotone.

When Kakashi awoke the next day to go collect his team, he applied some of the Highly Flammable Liquid to his head because he had heard somewhere it could be used for that. As he headed out for the Academy to pick up his team, he was more aware than usual of the inordinately high amount of fire around the village. It took several hours of careful movement and avoidance to keep his hair from burning, so his arrival at the Academy was delayed for a long while. Eventually, he arrived. Right as he was going in, a sudden lightning strike from another story hit his head and set it alight. He dashed through the hallway to the room where his team was and threw the door open, head still burning. Imagine his surprise then, when a bucket of water fell from atop the door like divine intervention and put the fire out.

He stood there, silently contemplating whether it was actually possible and ultimately settled for asking his team directly. They confirmed exactly what he had suspected.

"You...," Kakashi said, getting in Naruto's face, "are the best ninja I've ever seen. How could you possibly have known my head was on fire?"

"Wait, what?" Sakura said.

"I didn't! It was a stupid prank. You're supposed to be mad at me."

"Alright, enough of that," Kakashi said, completely ignoring him, "I want all of you to come to the roof."

He stood up straight and just disappeared. A Chuunin instructor entered the room and Sasuke started making his way to the roof slightly faster than strictly necessary. The other two followed, albeit slower and they arrived on the rooftop just in time to miss the Chuunin in the classroom demand to know what happened to the erasers.

On the rooftop, Kakashi told them that they would be facing another test to ensure that they were worth his time, and that they had to skip breakfast, but first they had to introduce themselves. I can't remember what order they originally went in, but Sakura goes first.

"My name is Sakura Haruno," she says, hesitantly, "I like **cascading rivers of innocent blood spilled**. I dislike **all things living,** and my goal is **to inflict eternal suffering upon the pathetic mortal weaklings that inhabit this wretched plane.**"

"That's...kind of a strange goal, Sakura," Kakashi said.

"I know. It's a little embarrassing to admit it, but I'm not going to stop until I manage it!"

"That's not embarrassing; that's terrifying!" Naruto said.

"Hey! I'm not that bad."

"Did you hear the same thing we did?"

"My name is Sasuke," interrupted the aforementioned Sasuke, "I like Grunting, theft, and my clan's line of salon-quality hair care products you can own at home for a fraction of the cost of other manufacturers. I dislike 1 out of 10 professional stylists, and my goal is to kill someone," he said.

"_Oh, God. They're both psycho_," Kakashi thought to himself, "_Please be normal, Naruto._"

Sasuke turned away from them to face the sunset and conveniently revealed the brightly lit neon-sign sewn onto the back of his shirt, which flashed with an advertisement for Freeze-Anagi, the Uchiha brand premium freezing hair spray, With his back to them, he flashed back on his clan's fate.

...

...

...

Where is-Oh, right. No more flashbacks this chapter.

Kakashi, not to be out flashbacked, back flashbacks back at the flashbacking Sasuke's flashing back.

You guys need to stop that. We can't afford this.

As Kakashi and Sasuke attempted to out flashback one another, a notification showed up in Naruto's vision.

**New Codex Entry: Uchiha Clan**

With a single touch, a large window opened up directly in the middle of his field of view, covering most of it.

**Uchiha Clan**

**The Uchiha Clan is one of Konoha's four noble clans. They are known around the world for their legendary hairdressing prowess. They are said to have styled the hair of kings and emperors with their peerless skill and the legendary precision their clan's dojutsu affords them.**

**Long before the settling of Konoha, the first Hokage, Hashirama Senju is said to have sought out Madara Uchiha for assistance in maintaining the hair of his wife, Mito. He traveled for weeks to find the then-nomadic Uchiha Clan. **

**Madara suppressed the legendary Braids of Destruction using the power of his Sharingan, compressing them into buns, but the effect wasn't permanent. After a particularly humid day, allegedly caused by the flash-boiling of the Land of Water, the Braids broke free again and ravaged the countryside. Madara suppressed it once again, and this time Hashirama made a deal with him: Hashirama would start a village for Madara's up-until-now nomadic clan to settle. Together they would lead the village and Madara could remain close by to control the Braid should it break free again.**

**The promise of a home amongst the war torn lands of the world appealed to the Uchiha. Even so, there were dissenters among them. After a fierce civil war, those who would rather remain nomadic lost and were cursed with unbridled male-pattern baldness, even on the women.**

**The Uchiha settled in the village and their legendary styling skills drew many more clans, making Konohagakure one of the largest villages in the world. The peace and prosperity was not to last, however, as Madara and Hashirama soon got into a fight. Madara wanted to try a new hairstyle for Mito, assuring Hashirama that he could find one more efficient at controlling the Braids than buns. Also, he was kind of sick of looking at the same hairstyle every day for years. Hashirama maintained a "don't fix what isn't broken" attitude and consistently refused. Mito, being the actual owner of the hair, got tired of never having any input on the matter and showed them a special handsign passed down through her clan. Eventually, the contention escalated to a genuine fight, prompting Madara to be banished from the village.**

**Madara wandered the world looking for a chance to prove to Hashirama that he was right. As the years rolled on, he became increasingly senile. One day he heard tell of a Nine-Tailed Fox attacking a village. He took off, thinking this was his chance. Against all common sense, he actually managed to control the Fox and rode it back to Konoha to show off both the Fox and the "I was right" dance he had designed on his travels.**

**Years had passed in Konoha without their most skilled Sharingan user. In the interim, the clan had invented various products to help control Mito's hair. This would eventually become the prestigious Uchiha line of hair-care products. Hashirama too, was effectively senile by the time Madara rode back into town and thus conflict was immediately kindled between the two. Despite being at a disadvantage because his best power was wood, Hashirama eventually succeeded in besting the Demon Fox with the aid of his wife, who unleashed ****[Progress further in the Campaign to reveal this information],**** an ability passed down through her clan, and so dangerous it was stricken from public record.**

**The Fox now bested, it lay on the ground crying as Mito sealed it within her hair, transforming it into the legendary Nine-Tailed Braids. Hashirama pursued Madara who had forgotten why he was here as soon as he arrived. Upon meeting face-to-face once again, Hashirama also forgot why he was there and Madara [complete Campaign to reveal this information]. Never seeing use, the "I was right" dance was lost to the annals of history. Only time will tell if it's ever rediscovered.**

**Eventually, peace was restored to Konoha and the Uchiha clan remained with it for a long while. Recently however, there was an incident where a single member of the Uchiha clan wiped out all the rest for insulting his French Braid technique. Only one member is known to have survived the incident and he has sworn to take revenge by killing the perpetrator and restoring the clan's market integrity.**

Sakura waited patiently for Naruto to begin his own introduction but, being distracted by the codex, Naruto just stood there blankly.

"Well, I'm going home," Sakura said after about 10 minutes of Sasuke staring at the non-existent sunset, Kakshi staring as Sasuke's back and Naruto staring at nothing.

Another twenty minutes later, Naruto closed the codex and, after looking around, went home himself, complaining the whole way back about not being able to eat.

Hours later, Kakashi stood alone on the rooftop, "Oh! He means someone in particular," he says.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4 ****END**

**If there are any Australians reading this, I hope I don't come across as unfairly targeting your country. I chose it because it's the first country that comes to mind with respect to "things that will kill you" and I don't mean anything malicious by any of the jokes.**


	5. Logs

**CHAPTER 5: Logs**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript violence.**

* * *

The ghost of an elderly woman saw no reason to throw puppies through Naruto's windows this morning, on account of there being no more to break. Thus he awoke this morning of his own volition, leaving him feeling refreshed. He started the day with a skip in his step and opened the new update notification with a smile on his face.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.44 ****Changes**

**The issue with the Kick a Puppy Bonus Objective has been rectified. The objective will no longer complete multiple times. Karma already lost as a result of this issue cannot be returned, however.**

"Well, at least they fixed it," Naruto thought, good mood going strong.

**The issue with the transformation technique ID has also been resolved. Users will no longer turn into pixelated abominations upon using the technique. Unfortunately, trauma inflicted as a result of previous uses cannot be undone.**

**A "Wait" function has been added for events that will take place at specific times.**

**Whoever's writing these codex entries needs to chill.**

**What do you mean?**

**Have you seen the Sharingan entry?**

**Oh. That. Yeah, Tenjin went to lunch without logging off and Agyo came in hopped up on whatever energy drink is popular these days and found the codex still open. He only got a few sentences in before Ungyo stopped him, but he did manage to save what he put. Tenjin did the rest of it though, so it should be fine.**

Naruto dismissed the notification and opened his Mission Log.

**Current Mission: The Real Test**

**○ Go to the Third Training Ground**

**○ Bonus Objective: Don't Eat**

His last attempt to make Kakashi dislike him had backfired profoundly, but Naruto was sure that he could earn his leader's ire by directly contradicting his orders. With that in mind, he set about doing exactly what he was told not to: eating.

**○ Bonus Objective: Don't Eat **Failed

One full stomach later, Naruto exited his house to go to the Third Training Ground. The ghost of an elderly woman, having heard the night before that he had to skip breakfast, followed him all the way to the training ground levitating entire three-course meals around him the entire time, and was disappointed when he didn't seem to react.

Naruto arrived at the training ground to find Sasuke and Sakura already there.

"Where have you been?" Sakura asked, upon seeing him.

"I was eating."

"Like we were told not to?"

"Yeah."

"Your funeral."

Sasuke perked up when he heard funeral, wondering if there were things to loot from the body.

As the conversation diminished and eventually stopped, the three continued to wait for their leader. After several minutes, Naruto decided to try out the new "Wait" function. Quickly finding it, he chose to wait for five hours. Upon confirming the decision, everything paused. When he could move again, the five hours had passed and Kakashi was present, talking to Sakura and Sasuke. Naruto got closer and heard the tail end of the conversation.

"...just standing there for five hours. He won't speak, he won't blink, I don't think he's even breathed once. He might be dead."

Sasuke just grumbled something about hot pockets.

"Where do you think we should bury-"

"Hey guys," Naruto said.

"Ah, good. You're with us again," Kakashi said, "judging by the fact that you're not complaining, I assume you ate something, despite me telling you not to."

"That's right."

The other two backed up once again as their compatriot provoked the ire of their leader.

"I guess there's no tricking you," Kakashi said.

"That's ri-Wait, what?"

**Kakashi Hatake **Opinion **+5**

"It wasn't actually important that you not eat," Kakashi told the other two, "that was just to make things harder for the three of you. If you were as observant as Naruto clearly is-"

"No, I'm not! You were supposed to be mad at me!"

"-maybe you wouldn't be at a disadvantage for this," Kakashi continued, not even hearing Naruto.

He walked some distance away from all of them, then held up two bells.

"Your task is to acquire one of these bells by noon. If you accomplish this, you can remain on my team. If you fail however, you will be sent back to the Academy. Begin now."

Naruto quickly looked through the menus on the holographic boxes for something that might help him get one of the bells. Maybe he could turn the brightness up again or turn off VSync and hope it does something helpful. When he looked up from the menus, everyone was gone, so he went back to the team display and started walking in the direction of the position markers.

* * *

Sakura was idly wandering around the battlefield, trying to figure out how she was going to get one of the bells when, by coincidence, she spied one at her feet.

* * *

After a brief spar with Sasuke, Kakashi trapped him in a Genjutsu, then buried him up to his head in the ground for good measure. This is how Naruto found him, moments after Kakashi left.

* * *

**Inside the Illusion**

Running. Running and more running. It was all young Sasuke could do to get away from the voices.

"Theft is illegal."

"You can't steal stuff."

He ran through the maze like structure of the village, Seriously, why is it so complicated? Is it so much to ask for a directory or something? Oh, right, this was supposed to be torment. Everywhere he turned, high-powered security cameras were installed. The people around him had padlocked their pockets, and their words. Their horrid, horrid words.

"Freeze-anagi's not that great," one said.

"Yeah, I get the same quality stuff from the Ryo-Store brand."

"And you know, I heard they aren't even using all-natural ingredients anymore."

"No!" young Sasuke roared, clutching desperately at his head, "Lies! All lies!"

Sasuke laid down on the ground and huddled into ball, rocking back and forth,

"9 out of 10 stylists," he repeated to himself, "9 out of 10 stylists. 9 out of 10 stylists."

The noise faded away and he looked up to see them gone. The nightmare wasn't over though. He heard noises behind him. The screech of hair clippers improperly oiled cut through him. He rose to run, but he felt the lukewarm air of a hairdryer with a bad heating element on the back of his neck. No matter how fast he ran, it stayed just behind him. A dull flash of low-quality hair dye entered his vision and his adrenaline spiked. He ran like he had never run before. Hours seemed to pass. Finally, he crossed into a shady back alley and, just as he expected, there was a dead end. With no other option, he looked back at the horror chasing him.

"I don't think the Uchiha brand stuff is really worth the cost," the hair stylist said, a blow dryer in one hand, those janky clippers in another, and a third with a box of powder dye.

"Get back!" he yelled desperately, "everyone knows liquid dye is twice as concentrated as the powder."

For whatever reason, that made the three-armed monster stylist disappear. Just as the quiet returned, there was a dramatic spike in the background music as Sasuke turned around to see a newspaper pasted to the previously empty wall.

**Uchiha stocks plummet 400%**

He fell to his knees grasping at his face with both hands as a scream so shrill that it left the illusion tore itself from his throat.

* * *

**Back Outside the Illusion**

Naruto followed the position marker to find Sasuke buried up to his head in the ground. He briefly wondered if Sasuke was still alive, but saw his face rapidly twitching. Naruto was walking around Sasuke wondering how he could free his ally when Sasuke started rapidly shaking his head. With no warning, he let loose a painfully shrill cry that had Naruto recoiling. Then he just stopped and sat there. Naruto inched closer little by little until Sasuke's head snapped to him.

"What are you doing over there?" he asked fixing his eyes on Naruto, "you're not trying to take my stuff are you?"

"You've uh...got a little something in your eyes," Naruto responded, upon seeing Sasuke's eyes, now red and sporting little black spots in them.

**New Codex Entry: Sharingan**

Upon seeing the notification, Naruto opened it as Sasuke struggled to escape the ground.

**Sharingan**

**The Uchiha Clan's famed dojutsu. Sharingan loosely translates to "Win Button", or at least it used to until Madara demanded that Hashirama change the translation before he burned the village down because people were quote "poking him the f*cking eye". Now it translates to copy-paste eye or something like that.**

**It's also known as the Eye-Phone because the cost to get one is ridiculous, everyone who has one is inherently perceived as a pretentious jerk, and it has an application for literally everything.**

**The Sharingan's powers include whatever the h*ll the user wants. ****Want to see chakra? Check. Want to burn sh*t by looking at it? Yep. Want to summon a giant golem thing to hit things for you? Check. Go to another dimension on a whim? Affirmative. Want to just not f*cking die when you f*cking die? It can also do that. How about laser eyes? The power to kill a yak from 200 yards away with mind bullets? Turn Lead into Gold? I wouldn't be surprised.**

**The Sharingan and its evolution, the Mangekyou Sharingan started out as hairdressing tools and many of their abilities will attest to that. It grants its user incredibly fast perception, able to catch every centimeter of hair that goes under the clippers, ensuring that not one strand is shorter than any other. It grants users microscopic vision allowing them to see every strand and every split end. In most cases, Sharingan users can predict movements, allowing them to catch rowdy children who won't sit still in the chairs before they even move, and allows them to adapt the clippers with the natural movement of the customer to ensure there are no unintended cuts. Truly the superior styling tool.**

**In addition to the perception enhancements, the Sharingan enables the user to cast Genjutsu with just a glance, ensuring that children will sit still in the chair.**

"Are you just going to stand there all day," Sasuke demanded, still struggling in the ground, but Naruto didn't hear him.

**Higher levels of the Sharingan can improve these abilities drastically. ****Adept users can even see at the cellular level to ensure that every customer's hair is healthy all the way down to the scalp. **

**The Mangekyou Sharingan is the evolved version of the normal Sharingan that possesses several additional abilities, and a unique design for every Uchiha. The unique shape that the eyes take on upon evolving are said to be the same design of the blades in that particular Uchiha's clippers. Upon evolving to the Mangekyou, every Uchiha acquires new abilities that determine exactly what manner they'll specialize in dressing hair.**

** Amaterasu is often regarded as a testament to the Uchiha's dedication to the practice of hairdressing. It is a special fire that burns non-stop for seven days and seven nights, ensuring that no matter how voluminous the hair is, it can be dried.**

**Susano'o is an ability that conjures a parts or even the whole body of a giant golem. The Susano'o's incredibly durable frame is perfect for holding disorderly children in the chair if the Sharingan's Genjutsu doesn't work on them for some reason, and the entire thing is intangible from the inside, allowing the user to cut and style without worrying about obstructions. It... Wait a minute. Let's see...Joined the local military, uses one of those Japanese-looking swords, is kind of a jerk, wants to kill his brother, Susano'o?! Holy sh*t, Sasuke is Jin Kisaragi!**

**...**

**Where was I? Oh, yeah. Tsukuyomi. Only one person is known to have this ability, but it's supposed to affect the target's perception of time. Useful for when children are complaining about how long they have to wait for a haircut. There supposed to be a much more large-scale****[complete Campaign to reveal this information].**

**All of these abilities and more are the reason that the Uchiha were known as the best hairdressers in the world. The Sharingan was also later discovered to have remarkable combat applications but those aren't as important to the Uchiha legacy. In fact, Madara Uchiha himself said that the Sharingan will never reach its full potential used in such petty ways as combat.**

"Hey!" Sasuke yelled, finally jarring Naruto into awareness, "get me out of here!"

Naruto looks down at Sasuke again and inspiration strikes him. He moves behind Sasuke's head, drops to his knees and pulls a platter from his pocket. Placing it on the ground, he proceeds to punch it several times. After several attempts, his hand finally passes through. Sasuke is surprised then, to feel Naruto grab his shoulder _through the ground_ and begin pulling. Naruto pulls with all his might until he loses balance and topples through the platter himself.

"Naruto. Where did you go?" Sasuke asks, unable to see anything behind him.

Inside the ground, Naruto stares all around him.

"How did I not notice this?" he marvels.

All around him, hidden safely inside the ground where no one could see them in normal circumstances, were logs. Piles and piles of logs. They just went on forever, as far as he could see.

"It's...beautiful." Naruto said, too lost in wonder to hear Sasuke calling.

* * *

Kakashi went back to where he had laid one of the bells, laced with a Genjutsu trap, to find Sakura frozen in place over it, wide-eyed and motionless.

"_They're still so inexperienced,_" he thought as he reached for the bell at her feet. As soon as he touched it, all the nature around him silenced as he felt the air grow malevolent. He looked up at Sakura to find her staring down at him, eyes pitch black. He rose slowly, her head tracking his movement. Once fully upright, he took a slow step backward, followed by a very rapid one as her mouth fell open in response and a mass of black _something _fell out of it, hitting the ground with a wet splat. It rustled in place, then stood up and walked toward him with a coo.

* * *

"...ruto!" Sasuke continues to yell until Naruto finally pays attention.

Taking one last look at the amber waves of wood grain, Naruto looks back at Sasuke.

From underneath the ground, he appeared to simply be suspended in the air by a thin layer of air above Naruto's head. Now that he wasn't just pulling with one arm, Naruto was able to exert a great deal more force and Sasuke was freed from his imprisonment within minutes. Then with one jump, Naruto emerged from the ground and grabbed the platter, the two quickly taking their leave before Sasuke had time to ask how Naruto did any of that.

* * *

"_A...pigeon?_"

Kakashi's curious examination of the animal was interrupted by a sudden and absolute cacophony as hundreds of pigeons simultaneously dive-bombed him and swarmed all around him. Only his quick reflexes and the replacement technique saved him. He caught a glimpse of the log that had taken his place, or rather, the wood chips, and beat a hasty retreat, trying to figure out exactly what just happened.

"_Well, that was a nightm-Ah. It was an illusion. That must have been it! She just acted like she had fallen for the trap so I would trigger it and make the bell safe to take. Clever girl,_" Kakashi desperately tried to convince himself as he retreated.

Sakura remained in place, still very much trapped within the illusion, as Naruto finally located her, following the holographic marker that indicated her location, with Sasuke in tow wondering how he knew where she was. Seeing the bell on the ground, he hastily moved to grab it, adding it to his inventory. He stood around for a bit, poking around in his inventory, until he too, was dive-bombed by thousands of pigeons. In the ensuing chaos, he dropped the bell.

"...Fireball Technique!" Naruto heard from somewhere outside the swarm. A giant fireball came hurtling through the formation, buying Naruto enough time to grab the bell again and escape the onslaught. The two retreated into the woods before Sasuke stopped to confront Naruto.

"Give me the bell," he said, preparing to have to fight for it.

"Alright," Naruto said, pulling it from his pocket and handing it over.

"Wait, really? You're not going to fight me for it?" Sasuke asked, suspicious that it might be some sort of trick.

"Not this one," Naruto said, preparing to hand it over.

"I'll take that," Kakashi said, dropping in to swipe the bell, "time's up.

* * *

**Third Training Ground, minutes later**

Naruto and Sasuke were both tied to poles that I guess have always been there? Kakashi had gone to go retrieve Sakura to tie her up as well, and break the Genjutsu on her because, frankly, it's safer for everyone that way.

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto whispered.

"What?" Sasuke grumbled.

"Take this," Naruto replied, retrieving a bell from his pocket and tossing it over there, before tossing another one in the dirt by the last pole.

"Wha-Where did you get this?" Sasuke demanded.

Any further conversation was interrupted by Kakashi returning and tying the now conscious Sakura to a pole next to her compatriots.

"I have good news," Kakashi said, "none of you will be gong back to the Academy."

"Alrigh-"

"Because you're all going to be dropped from the program," Kakashi said, preparing to launch into a lecture.

"But why?" Naruto interrupted, "we got the bells. Show him, Sasuke."

Sasuke holds up the bell Naruto had given him.

"And Sakura's is on the ground," Naruto continued.

Kakashi looked and, sure enough, it was there.

"Maybe, but you still don't have-"

Kakashi looked back at Naruto to see him drawing a bell from his pocket.

He reached over and quickly swiped it away, and Naruto withdrew another.

He took that one and it happened again.

This continued on for the better part of 10 minutes.

"How many of these do you have in here?!" Kakashi asked, reaching into Naruto's pocket.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Sasuke offhandedly commented.

"What's he going to do? He's tied-ow!" Kakashi replied, rapidly withdrawing his hand from Naruto's pocket, "That's hot! What do you have in there?"

"Ramen," Naruto replied.

"...Why do you have ramen in your pocket? How do you have ramen in your pocket? Do you not feel that?! Where did you get ramen?"

"I got it the day before the Genin exam."

"That was like 30 hours ago! How is it still so hot?!" Kakashi yelled, "this was supposed to be a lesson. About teamwork and stuff, but you just... You know what? Never mind. You got the bells and even managed to get one for everybody, so you're all in."

He released all of them and they all celebrated for a few minutes, before starting home.

"Hey, why were you so late?" Naruto asked Kakashi as they were leaving.

"There was a cat on the road. I had to take the long way around."

"Why did that stop you?"

"I'm allergic to cats."

* * *

**Later**

Having survived his test, Naruto walked home, wondering what he was going to do with the other two billion or so bells he had duplicated in case Kakashi was _really _persistent about taking them. His musing and wandering eventually drew him to a shady looking figure in a dark alley. The figure wore a long trenchcoat and a wide brim hat completely obscuring its identity.

"Hey, you," the figured whispered at Naruto, who walked over like there was nothing suspicious about this.

When he arrived, the figure leaned in and continued whispering,

"Aren't you Naruto the Puppy Kicker? The scourge of all animals that have never harmed anyone?"

"Yeah, i'm-Wait, what? No."

"I knew it. I could tell just by looking at you that you hate puppies. You just radiate an aura of evil."

"I don't hate puppies." Naruto said, exasperated.

"So, listen. There's this injured, orphan puppy hospital that's under construction. It's nearly done and nothing would hurt those cute, innocent, harmless animals more than burning it down. You with me?"

"No! Why are you doing this?" Whether he was talking to the figure or the universe is anyone's guess.

The figure just stood there.

"I will not burn down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital," Naruto said firmly. Guess which word the system didn't hear.

"Great. I knew you'd be on board." the figure said, "those puppies are gonna be in for a big surprise."

**New Mission: Burn down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital**

**"**No! I will not!" Naruto yelled and stomped home.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5 ****END**

* * *

**Next Time on Early Access**

"Someone burned down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital!"

**Mission Complete: Burn down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital**

"I've gotta get out of here," Naruto said, grabbing a random mission, "I'll take this one."

**New Mission: Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**


	6. 2,147,483,647

**CHAPTER 6: 2,147,483,647**

**Rated T for censored language, nondescript violence and unethical business practices.**

**Friendly reminder that the "developers" and narrator are all in-universe entities whose opinions exist as a vessel for jokes and do not reflect my own.**

* * *

Naruto stood in the lobby of the Hokage's office, waiting to report the completion of Team 7's mission to rescue a cat.

"_These stupid radiant missions are so boring,_" Naruto thought to himself, "_it's literally the same thing every time._"

Amidst his thoughts he heard the sound of another update notification. He quickly opened it, hoping it would say something about more missions.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.45 Changes**

**The new combat system is now in place. Users should test it at the first available opportunity and report any issues.**

**Hey guys, what happened to Sasuke's dialogue files? They're all like 110 kilobytes now.**

**Our sponsor went up in smoke; we only have one more pre-recorderd advertisement. We can't afford to pay Sasuke's VA, so we replaced his dialogue with grunting.**

**Okay, but why grunts? Couldn't we just hire someone cheaper?**

**Publisher said it was either that or replace it with Linkin Park soundbites. Not synchronized soundbites, either.**

**I'm okay with that.  
**

**Of course you are. You're the God of Chaos. You're so edgy you tie your shoes in a slipknot.**

**At least I know how to tie my shoes Miss "I'm totally wearing velcro because it's hip now".**

**Oh, it's on. I'm gonna punch you so hard that _you'll _vomit up a feast. It's gonna be a full tray of knuckle sandwiches and a can of whoop-*ss to wash it down.**

"_So that's why he wasn't being very talkative lately._" Naruto thought.

**I think we can- Hey! Take it outside! I think we can re-record it later as DLC.**

**Paid DLC?**

**Obviously.**

The door to the Hokage's office opened while he was reading and he dismissed the notes to go in.

* * *

**Several Days Later**

Naruto stood in the Hokage's office looking at the available missions.

Suddenly, one of the Hokage's staff burst into the room,

"Lord Hokage," he said, "please come attend to your duties."

"I can't leave yet," the Hokage responded, "Naruto still hasn't chosen a mission."

Since the Hokage was visible at Mission Select in the promotional material, it was a requirement that he be present at all times during mission selection. This decision was made without consideration for the possibility that Naruto wouldn't have been able to choose a mission, however, so he's been stuck here this entire time.

"Please, Lord Hokage. You haven't left this room in four days. You missed a critical proceeding. The village's infrastructure is in shambles."

"You don't understand. I cannot leave this room. Every time I walk to the door, I black out and wake up in this chair again."

"Someone burned down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital!"

"Maybe I should-Wait what?!" Naruto said.

**Mission Complete: Burn down the Injured, Orphan Puppy Hospital**

-100 Karma

"Wait. I didn't do that," Naruto told the Mission Log.

"We know you didn't, Naruto." the Hokage responded, unaware of who, or what, he was talking to.

"No, I'm telling you," Naruto insisted, "I made a point of staying far away from that place."

"No one thinks you did it, Naruto," the Hokage reiterated.

"I've gotta get out of here," Naruto said, grabbing a random mission, "I'll take this one."

**New Mission: Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Meet the Client**

* * *

**Later, Somewhere in the Middle of Town**

Team 7 waited at the appointed meeting place for their client to show up. Naruto's clothes were heavily damaged from the regular wear of missions and he would need a new set soon. His current outfit was actually a debug item, which explains its complete lack of an armor rating or any sort of beneficial effects and the frankly obscene amount of inventory capacity. Since carrying large amounts of items had proven to be quite beneficial so far, so he intended to keep using this outfit for as long as possible. Fortunately, the clothes, like other items, were subject to a number of duplication exploits, so he kept several suits on him at all times.

He's interrupted from his menu digging by the client, who is clearly intoxicated. He's complaining about them being unqualified but there are no jokes to be made about it, so we'll just skip the whole dialogue.

**○ Meet the Client **Complete

**Mission Update:**** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Collect Supplies**

With Tazuna mollified, or at the very least passed out, Kakashi turned back to his students.

"We leave out tomorrow morning," he told them, "first, we need supplies, though."

"We don't exactly have a lot of money," Sakura said. Sasuke grunted.

"That shouldn't be a problem," Naruto interject," follow me."

Naruto took the lead and directed the team to a general store. He looked at it for a few seconds, then poked at the air again, then walked up to it.

Naruto kicked the door open and ran inside. He immediately smashed a nearby display and threw the products on it at the ceiling. Naruto carved a path of destruction throughout the entire store, trashing every display he could see and scaring off all the customers, stopping every few seconds to look at the shopkeeper before continuing his rampage.

"What are you doing?" Sakura demanded, "are you trying to get us kicked out?"

Eventually, he looked at the shopkeeper one last time before stopping.

**Shopkeeper| Civilian Merchant| Level 400**

**Opinion -65,535**

**Buy Prices 200%**

**Sell Prices -200%**

He walked up to the merchant, maintaining eye contact the entire time, then withdrew a bag of pebbles from his pocket and placed them on the counter.

"I"d like to sell these, please," he told the merchant.

"After what you just did? You'd have to pay me to take them," the merchant responds.

**Value -2,147,483,647 Ryo**

"_Exactly according to plan_," Naruto thought, withdrawing a single additional pebble to put atop the bag, causing the negative value to overflow to a positive one.

**Value 2,147,483,647 Ryo**

The merchant's eyes bulged at the immeasurable value of the treasure right in front of him. He knew in that instant that he had to have this. He would give anything and everything he owned to acquire it.

In fact, the value of the bag of pebbles was now so high that Kakashi had to make a will-saving throw to resist the compulsion to break into the shop after-hours and steal it.

"Alright," Naruto said, "get whatever we need for the trip and I'll get the rest in cash."

Kakashi set about gathering supplies while Sakura stood at the entrance, trying to piece together what was happening.

Unlike Kakashi, Sakura lacked the perception necessary to have seen Naruto drop the last pebble onto the bag. As a result, it still appeared to be worth -2,147,483,647 ryo to her. Sasuke hadn't seen it either, but to be fair, he would probably have broken in to steal the bag anyway, just because. To her, it appeared as though Naruto had kicked the door open, scared the customers away, tore through the shop destroying everything, then placed a bag of worthless pebbles on the counter and demanded over two billion ryo for it, and the merchant was happy, no, desperate to give him exactly that. She drew the only obvious conclusion.

"_Wait. Are we robbing this guy?!_" Sakura thought.

Kakashi set the supplies he had gathered on the counter and the merchant took the bag of pebbles and handed Naruto all the money in his till, crying the entire time. This did nothing to curtail Sakura's suspicions, and all three left as quickly as possible.

**○ Collect Supplies **Complete

**Mission Update: **** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Meet the Client at the Village Gate**

As they were leaving the shop, the merchant looked proudly down at the bag of pebbles that he was sure was the best purchase he'd ever made. The instant Naruto stepped outside the shop, however, the effect of the merchant's opinion on the value of the pebbles faded. He realized with a start that he had just given away a bunch of products and everything he had made that day for a bag of rocks.

"Why do I keep doing this?!"

* * *

**The Next Day**

Team 7 gathered at the gate to the village with Tazuna in tow, preparing to embark on their first mission outside of the village. As is natural for someone who spent the entire day drinking, Tazuna is hungover. This means that he'll be complaining, which means we'll be ignoring him.

Kakashi was distributing the supplies they had "purchased" the day before, when Sakura noticed something odd among them.

"Isn't this that bag of pebbles?"

**Flashback**

**Sponsored by**

**Alright, let's try this again. Do you have a desire for fi-Woah! What was that? Who are you?**

**Finally found you, you imitation peddler.**

**What are you talking about? Hey, quit waving that around. This is a hospital.**

**I heard you trying to sell your substandard hair products. ****You think you can just come in here and muscle in on _my _clan's business? We've been running this market since this village was founded.**

**Hair products? What are you talking-oh. I didn't mean to literally put it in your hair I just had to make something u- Wait please, no!**

**No one brings subpar hair-care products into this village on my watch! Fire Style: Great Fireb-**

**PLEASE STAND BY. WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY. WE ARE EXPERIENCING**

It was the middle of the night, in the same general store Team 7 had visited hours ago. The front door creaked open. Sasuke was going to use the X-Ray Vision his Sharingan had to pick the lock, but he found that it was already open. Moving silently, he made his way to the remaining intact displays and began shoving everything he could see inside the bag he had brought.

As it neared the limit of its capacity, Sasuke suddenly saw the sound of someone moving. No, you read that right. I told you the Sharingan could do anything. He froze, thinking it could be the owner. Moving to a nearby corner, he began waiting for the sound to stop. After several minutes, he saw a shadow emerge, creeping forward along the floor. There was no way the owner was sneaking along the floor, so this had to be a trespasser. Sasuke was suddenly seized by a righteous fury; no one steals from the shop he's stealing from!

Rising suddenly, he charged, shoulder checking the intruder through a window, into the moonlight. Getting a good look at his opponent, he realized that it was Kakashi.

I didn't say he _passed_ Will saving throw.

**Flashback End**

"No. That's...a different bag of pebbles," Kakashi said, shooting a pointed look at Sasuke, who only grunted. Kakashi refused to speak any more about it, and resumed distributing supplies.

With the supplies now distributed, Team 7 headed out the gate on their first big adventure.

"Remind me again why we're walking instead of taking a car," Sakura said.

Wait, there are cars in this world?

"We can't have cars anywhere near the village," Kakashi responded.

"Why? Are the streets too narrow or something?"

"Swing sets," Naruto interjected with unusual graveness.

"...What?"

"Swing sets," he said again, gesturing to a defensive array of them running the length of the village.

Years ago, a bandit raid from the Village Hidden in the Junkyard had cobbled together some cars and broken through the village's defensive line and the defenders were forced to retreat. They were chased to a nearby playground, where the Third Hokage ordered the construction of an improvised barricade from whatever was available at the time, which happened to be swing sets. No one expected it to work, but they had no other choice. Imagine their surprise then, when the motorized raiding party charged at the swings and were catapulted in the opposite direction well beyond the horizon. After that day, a perimeter of swing sets was established around the village to ward off further attacks. Young Naruto happened to be on one of the swing sets as the Anbu were carrying it off. He was unable to remove himself from it because he was trapped in the pre-scripted swinging animation, so he got an up close view of the car-nage, and was too scared to ever again sit on another swing set.

**○ Meet the Client at the Village Gate **Complete

**Mission Update: **** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Escort the Client to the first Ambush Site**

* * *

**The Road Outside of the Village**

Naruto was on edge as he walked. This was supposed to be a simple mission, but the objective clearly stated that they would be ambushed. Not only that, but it would happen multiple times. It wasn't like he could let anyone else know either. How could he explain this without sounding insane?

In the course of their travel, Naruto found a puddle in the middle of the road and stared at it curiously.

_"He noticed it, too," _Kakashi thought to himself, noticing Naruto looking at the puddle, "_maybe he will live up to his legacy._"

**Kakashi Hatake **Opinion **+5**

"_That puddle...has a health bar?_" Naruto thought to himself, "_I wonder..._"

He threw a shuriken at the puddle.

**Surprise attack on mimicked obj-** Wait. Can I put that? Is it copyrighted?

**○ Escort the Client to the first Ambush Site **Complete

**Mission Update: **** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Survive**

"That's not good," Naruto said.

The puddle exploded into a column of water, filling Naruto's vision. When it cleared, he was nowhere to be seen.

**A Wild Gozu and a Wild Meizu Appeared.**

"Go, Naruto. Go Sasuke," Kakashi says, throwing a pair of scrolls on the ground. Bright lights burst from the scrolls and when they fade, Naruto and Sasuke are standing in place.

"What was that?!" Naruto demanded, gasping, "Where was I? There wasn't any air in there!"

Sasuke just grunted.

**Wild Gozu used Wrap.**

The opposing ninja charged forward, encircling Sasuke with the chain on his arm. With his prey fully entrapped, he squeezed.

**Sasuke is hurt by Wrap.**

"Naruto, use Sucker Punch." Kakashi says, upon seeing the other ninja preparing an attack of his own.

"No! I'm not just going to walk up to him and punch him," Naruto says as his body involuntarily walked up to the opposing ninja and punched him.

"Sasuke, use Flamethrower."

A gout of fire shoots out from the confines of the chains, engulfing the ninja who had trapped him. It cleared quickly however, and the ninja didn't even seem bothered.

**Ir's not very effective.**

"That's right. Sasuke's Fire type, I'm at a disadvantage here. Maybe I should switch him out. At least he gets STAB, though."

"Did someone say stab?" the previously sucker punched ninja said, rising.

"Help me!" Naruto yelled.

**Wild Meizu used Poison Jab.**

**Critical hit.**

**Naruto is poisoned.**

"Oh no," Kakashi said, "better use a potion."

Without looking, Kakashi grabbed a bottle from his supplies and threw it at Naruto. The bottle hit Naruto directly, shattering and spilling all over him.

"Ah! This burns! What is this?!" Naruto demanded.

"Oops," Kakashi said, looking down at the bottles of Highly Flammable Liquid he had packed.

"Why would you bring that?!" Naruto yelled, throwing his hands up, right into the path of Sasuke's Flamethrower.

**Naruto is burned.**

"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Naruto yelled, running around in circles.

_"That's not fair,"_ Kakashi thought to himself, "_he can't be poisoned and burned at the same time._"

"Naruto!" Kakashi called.

"What now?!"

"Use Fire Punch!"

"I am _not _going to-" of course he did anyway.

**It's not very effective.**

**Naruto is hurt by its burn.**

"I'm not doing this anymore." Naruto said, sitting down. He heard something hit the ground next to him and turned to see a scroll.

"No, wait please! I don't want to go back in-" the light entrapped him and when it faded he was back in the scroll.

"Go, Sakura." Kakashi said, throwing another scroll on the ground. It flashed brightly and Sakura stepped out, immediately crumpling to the ground.

**Sakura has fainted.**

"Right, no air." Kakashi said.

He turned back to Sasuke, hoping that he could still win despite being outnumbered and at a type disadvantage. As he focused all his attention on Sasuke, he missed the unconscious Sakura's eyelids snapping open, a soulless void in her eye sockets.

Hearing rustling, Kakashi turned to see his last student getting up, back to him. With a chorus of popping noises, she turned her head 180 degrees as her mouth fell open, a swarm of black erupting from it and quickly enveloping the closest of the opposing ninja.

**Sakura used-Oh God, what is that?!**

The ninja's screams continued for several minutes until the chain holding Sasuke went limp and fell to the ground, releasing him. As the swarm pulled away from the ninja, bleached bones fell to the ground in a pile.

"D*mmit, Sakura. I wanted to catch that one," Kakashi complained, looking at the pile of bones, "it was shiny!"

When Kakashi looked back up, the other ninja was running into the forest and Sakura was nowhere to be seen.

Moments later, more screams are heard and triumphant music plays as the battle ends.

Everyone's vision faded to black and when it returned, all of Team 7 were present and conscious. Tazuna wouldn't complain for the rest of the trip.

"We're never doing that again," Naruto gasped from where he was laying on the ground.

**○ Survive** Complete

**Mission Update: **** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Escort the Client to the second Ambush Site**

"Oh."

"Hey, aren't you still poisoned?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh, yeah."

"I guess this is the part where you stab yourself."

"What? Why? Why would I do that?"

Oh, wait. This is one of those new generation engines, where poison doesn't do anything outside of battle. Never mind, then.

* * *

**On the Road, Several Minutes Later**

As Team 7 proceeds along their mission, Tazuna explains why there were ninja waiting to ambush and assassinate him, and how the evil merchant Gato had taken over the town and devastated their fishing industry, which was their main export. Like all of Tazuna's dialogue that isn't a necessary part of a joke however, it will be skipped because that's his gimmick in this story.

"Well? What do you want to do?" Kakashi asked his team.

"We don't really have a choice in the matter," Naruto said.

"Yeah, we're kinda their only hope." Sakura agreed.

He actually meant that they literally didn't have a choice since there was no "Abandon Mission" button, but he wasn't going to split hairs since that would upset Sasuke.

They continued on their current path, Naruto exceedingly excitable because I haven't gotten to use alliteration since Chapter 1. In his haste to attack everything with a health bar, he threw a kunai into the nearby woods and ran to see what was hiding in there.

It's just a rabbit, he noticed, but his stomach dropped when he realizes something else.

"_The music changed._"

"Get down!" Naruto yelled just as a sword came circling through the air and cut into the tree.

**○ Escort the Client to the second Ambush Site** Complete

**Mission Update: **** Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

○ **Attempt to beat the ninja who is clearly far more powerful than you**

"Oh, shut up," Naruto said, from his spot on the ground.

As he rose to his knees, Naruto saw a system message pop up.

**Acquired Rabbit.**

Whether it was the animal or the meat was anyone's guess.

* * *

**CHAPTER 6 ****END**


	7. I used Google Translate

**CHAPTER 7: I used Google Translate**

**Strangely enough there's no language in this one.**

* * *

Naruto scrambled up from the ground and looked at the tree, now reduced to a stump, with the large sword still embedded into it. A heavy fog had begun rolling in and he could just barely make out the shape of a person standing atop the tree, holding the large sword. As he struggled to focus on the figure, another notification flashed into his field of view, distracting him. The figure jumped down from the stump and began approaching them as Naruto opened the notification.

Far away, hidden in the trees, a masked figure was reading a large book. Every so often, the figure jolted into awareness and threw a pair of needles at the sword-wielding ninja who was introducing himself.

"Greetings, ninja of Konoha," he said, "I am Zabuz-"

He was interrupted by a pair of needles hitting him in the back of the neck.

"Not yet," he says to seemingly no one, pulling them out before continuing.

"I am Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Mist..." he continued. Naruto was too busy reading the update notification to pay attention, however.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.5 Changes**

**Apparently, some users reported minor discomfort with the in-place combat system. It has been changed again, this time to a more active time system, along with an inventory management rework.**

**The framework for the save system is now complete. As a half-measure to prevent unwanted loss of progress, autosave has been enabled. Until the complete release of the save system, however, users will be unable to manage saves, only loading the last one made by the autosave system.**

"So let's make this easy." said the ninja whose name Naruto currently couldn't remember, "Give me the bridge builder and I-"

Another pair of needles flew into his neck.

"I told you not yet!" he said firmly. In his anger, he grabbed the needles and ripped them out. Fortunately the fog was now too thick for his foes to see his eyes tear up when he did. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.

"Ugh. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You...give me the bridge and I'll let you li-no. No, it was...kill you painlessly. Yeah, that's it." the ninja said, swaying slightly.

Naruto finally stopped reading and briefly glanced at his opponent's status before speaking.

"Alright Pazuzu Mochi Mochi-"

"That's...not my name." Pazuzu slurred, "Wait. Is it?"

He looked at something off in the trees for several seconds, as if looking for confirmation.

"Whatever Zoboomafoo Moshi Moshi." Naruto interrupted, "You're not getting this guy."

"I'm...I'm gonna kill you in the face."

Zoboomafoo raised his sword high and charged at Naruto, fully intending to vertically bisect him. Naruto, who was already at critical health, burned, and poisoned, just closed his eyes and threw his arms up to guard his face. When no blow came after a few seconds, he opened them again, seeing everything around him frozen in place. He lowered his arms and the enemy ninja immediately resumed charging at him, prompting him to raise them again. This time everything froze, including Naruto himself. He saw a message in the corner of his vision.

**Autosaving. Please do not turn off the universe or remove your Akashic Field.**

...

Is it done ye- Nope, still saving.

...

"_Why is it taking so long? What is it doing? Is it even still saving?_" Naruto complained as he was forced to wait.

After what seemed like hours, Naruto finally moved with a jolt, dropping his arm, which caused the fight to resume. He raised it again as hastily as possible, stopping the sword roughly an inch above his head. This time, Naruto spied something affixed to his arm.

"_What is happening?!_" thought Zzyzx, as his body was immobilized for the third time.

Naruto moved to observe the thing on his arm and noticed that it was a scroll tied to his wrist. It had dials and buttons drawn on it and a holographic box projected from the middle with five tabs at the top.

**|STAT| INV DATA MAP RADIO**

As Naruto "pressed" the buttons and "turned" the dials, a holographic box in front of the scroll changed. Finding his inventory, he observed the stack of 128 ramen that was still hot days after acquiring it.

**Ramen (Hot) x 128**

**Restores 5 HP**

Kakashi, like everyone else, was frozen in place, still able to think and see. Seeing movement, he noticed Naruto poking at a scroll tied to his wrist.

"_This is his doing, then,_" Kakashi thought, "_he's already using space-time ninjutsu. His father would be proud._"

He watched as Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled some ramen out, then began stuffing it into his mouth.

"_That's...not the same ramen from the test is it?"_ Kakashi shuddered,_ "That stuff has to be almost a month old._"

As Naruto continued pulling handfuls of the ramen from his pocket, Kakashi noticed his injuries actively healing.

"_It's healing him,_" Kakashi thought, wide eyed, "_Fixing sinks, healing injuries, what can't this stuff do?"_

After eating several handfuls of the ramen, Naruto navigateed back to the "STAT" tab.

**Naruto Uzumaki | Genin Puppy Kicker | Level 8**

**Luck: 9**

**Moxie: 8**

**Naiveté: 6**

**Ovoviviparousness: 0**

**Pizzazz: 9**

**HP: 105/105**

**Effects:**

**Burned**

**Poisoned**

_"Seriously?" _he thinks, "_it was like five times and none of them were deliberate!_"

At least he was fully healed. He went to lower his arm, but realized that there was still a sword in his face. Everything was still paused, but there didn't appear to be any way out of this since Naruto also couldn't move outside of manipulating the scroll affixed to his arm. With no clear escape in sight, he fell back on the Options Menu to find a way out of this.

Amidst a panic to find something to save him, Naruto started randomly changing things in Options. After his hysterical button mashing session, he closed the Options and lowered his arm, trusting fate with his wellbeing. The sword, which was previously coming down at him, was now flying up instead, because he had cycled the Y-Axis inversion again. In its sudden reverse arc, the sword hit its wielder, whose name he still couldn't remember, in the back.

In response, said wielder jumped back and raised his hands, rapidly cycling through hand seals.

_"_Suiton: Suiryuudan no jutsu._" _Zzzzz said_._

_"_Wait. What was that?" Naruto asked.

_"_Katon: Gookakyuu no jutsu_." _Kakashi said in response.

_"_I can't understand what you're saying!_"_

Trying to figure out what happened, Naruto opened the menu again Unfortunately, while the inventory management came from Fallout, the Options menu came from Dark Souls, so it doesn't pause the battle by itself. As the fight raged on around him everyone's sudden inability to properly aim up or down was the only thing that saved him from injury, and even that could only last for so long.

_"Oh. I see."_ Naruto thought upon opening the menu and seeing everything in Japanese. He had accidentally changed the language when he was pressing everything earlier.

Whilst struggling his way through to the language selections, he accidentally turned on subtitles. That meant that he had to be close, though.

_"Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu"_

**_Mizu Bunshin no Jutsu_**

_"Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu"_

**_Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu_**

_"That didn't help at all." _he thought, and continued pressing things. Eventually he did find the Language setting, pressing it triumphantly and closing the menu.

_"Стихия Воды: Техника Снаряда Водяного Дракона"_

**_Стихия Воды: Техника Снаряда Водяного Дракона_**

_"Стихия Огня: Техника Великого Огненного Шара"_

**_Стихия Огня: Техника Великого Огненного Шара_**

_"That's even harder to understand!"_

"Я убил Муфаса" said Zabuza.

"Нет я твой отец" said Kakashi.

Sasuke just grunted, but in Russian.

The fight continued on as Naruto returned to the menu, standing in the middle of the line of fire. This time he remembered the position of the language setting and thus got to it quicker. Just as he finally managed to cycle back to English, a large fireball engulfed him, completely disintegrating his already nearly destroyed clothes.

With nowhere to be stored, everything in his inventory simultaneously manifested in the world and exploded out in all directions, including over two billion tiny metal bells, which flew everywhere at catastrophic speeds, heavily damaging all non-ally entities in Naruto's vicinity, including his opponent. This damage was sufficient to trigger the end-battle cutscene, which was just as well since everyone was currently incapable of moving for being buried in bells.

Zabuza jumped back, sword raised to strike again as a pair of needles sank into the back of his neck. He slumped forward, falling to the ground. All was still for several seconds and just as Naruto started to think their opponent might be dead, he began laughing hysterically, shoulders shaking where he lay on the ground.

"What are you laughing at?" Naruto asked, after several seconds of this.

The raucous laughter began to slow and the ninja said, "Pickles," he immediately bursts into laughter again.

"...What?"

Far away, in the trees, a figure in a mask screamed internally. The subtitles caught this and displayed it for Naruto.

**[Internal screaming]**

"Internal screaming? What does that mean?"

Kakashi also heard on account of his Sharingan letting him read minds because why not? He used its X-Ray vision to peek out through the pile of bells that he was trapped within and find the source. Far away, in the trees, he saw a masked figure rising and closing a book.

"Intro to Business Administration?" Kakashi read on the book's cover.

He watched as the masked figure approached Zabuza, feeding his team some excuse about being a hunter-nin and going to dispose of the body, despite the fact that Zabuza was clearly still alive. Kakashi wanted to intervene, but was still very much buried within the bells.

Naruto, unable to move because of the cutscene, could only watch the self-proclaimed hunter-nin approach Zabuza.

As the figure walked away, he looked up to the status bar.

**Haku Yuki | Rogue Assassin | Level 60**

Huh. Must be another Icelandic name. Get it? Ice lan- Wait, please don't go!

"No. I don't wanna go to bed!" Zabuza yelled, kicking and screaming as the figure picked up both him and his sword and walked away.

The cutscene now ended, Naruto was free to move. The first thing he did was dig through the bells until he found another copy of his clothes. He equipped the copy and picked up everything that had fallen out of his inventory except the bells; someone else could deal with those. Now clothed, he commenced digging his allies out of the bells.

With everyone now free they continue on the road.

○ **Attempt to beat the ninja who is clearly far more powerful than you **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Holy- You actually did it?! **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Arrive in the Land of Waves**

Eventually, Team 7, Tazuna in tow, arrived at the shore of the Land of Waves.

**○ Arrive in the Land of Waves **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Begin training for the second showdown**

_"I knew it."_

"What happened to this place?" Tazuna asked, upon seeing the dry, craggy ground that had once housed the water that gave the Land of Waves its name. Looking around, he spied a boat run aground.

"Kaji!" he called to the person in the boat, "Kaji, what happened to this place?"

"Weirdest thing, boss." Kaji responded, "Not long after you left, there was this ridiculous heat wave that completely dried the water up. I also dreamed I was surrounded by crocodiles. I think it was a dream, anyway. We had it easy, though. I heard it flash boiled the Land of Water. They're calling it the Land of Steam now."

"I guess we're walking," Kakashi said, starting toward the town.

* * *

**CHAPTER 7 ****END**

**There are languages, though.**


	8. Glaucoma

**CHAPTER 8: Glaucoma**

**Rated T for censored language, nondescript violence and more unethical business practices.**

* * *

Team 7 and company start the trek to Tazuna's village, the fog still heavy and obstructing their vision. An hour into their journey, curiosity seizes him, and Kakashi asks Tazuna a question.

"Hey," he calls to the bridge builder, "so what's with that guy in the boat? Why didn't he come with us."

"Kaji can't leave his boat." Tazuna responded.

"Why? Is there some ancient treasure in there that might be stolen?" Sakura asked. Sasuke perked up at this.

"No. He can't swim."

"Why would that matter," Kakashi asked, "the water is...Wait, did you say he can't swim?"

"Yes."

"And he lives in the Land of Waves?"

"Yes."

"And he operates a boat?"

"Yes."

"A boat that's on water?"

"That's generally where boats are. I thought ninja were supposed to be smart."

"And he's never fallen out?"

"No."

"How?"

"He's just that good. He was born to operate that boat."

"Ah, ha!" Kakashi said triumphantly, "he had to have been off it when he was born-"

"On the boat."

"...Ew."

"Well, what does he eat, then? He can't exactly start a fire on a boat." Naruto interjected.

"He goes to K.F. Sea."

"Where is all this fog coming from?" Sakura complained, changing the subject just as the setup for that pun was complete.

"Oh. Uh, sorry about that," Naruto said, going back to Graphical Options and raising the draw distance.

Sakura watched as Naruto poked at the air for several seconds, then the fog just disappeared, revealing that they had been walking around in circles for three hours and that Tazuna's house was five feet away.

"Why didn't you tell us your house was this close?" Kakashi asked Tazuna.

He had been, but ignoring everything he says unless it's for a joke is his gimmick in this story.

As they neared the house, Naruto saw a vendor standing by his cart, looking despondent.

"Where's all your stuff?" Naruto asked him, upon walking up and seeing the cart empty.

"My potatoes! Catch that thief!" the vendor responded, frantically pointing at an empty space. Whoever he was supposed to be gesturing to was clearly long gone.

**New Mission: Retrieve the Stolen Potatoes**

**○ Retrieve the potatoes (0/3)**

"Oh," Naruto said, "well where did the thief go?"

The vendor didn't respond any further. Apparently this side mission wasn't as well constructed as others.

"Great," Naruto said, "and odds are, it's not just going to be any three potatoes. It'll have to be three particular potatoes."

The group continued on and arrived at Tazuna's home.

* * *

**Tazuna's House**

"Alright, team, there's something I need to tell you," Kakashi said. He was worried they would be disheartened once they learned that Zabuza was still alive and would be returning, and was wondering how to break the news to them.

All three sat down in the living room and waited to hear his announcement.

"Zabuza isn't dead," he said, after a moment's hesitation, "he'll be back soon, probably within a week. This means that we'll need some intense training for you lot to stand a chance at protecting Tazuna."

Sasuke brightened upon hearing this, happy to have another chance to steal that sword.

"**Good," **Sakura said, **"I had only just gotten to taste his soul."**

Everyone pointedly ignored this.**  
**

Naruto just stared curiously at Kakashi.

"_Well. They didn't take that as hard as I thought they would,_" Kakashi thought to himself as he to leave, the other three following.

They proceeded out the front door, Naruto following last, still bearing a curious expression,

_"Who's Zabuza?"_

* * *

**The Woods near Tazuna's House**

**○ Begin training for the second showdown **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Complete training**

"Okay," Kakashi said as his team arrived outside, "I was going to have you practice walking on the surface of the water to train your chakra control, but that's out, for obvious reasons."

Kakashi remained silent, looking around at everything for several seconds.

"Um...how about you...Oh! I have an idea," he said, spying something far in the forest using his Sharingan's telescopic vision.

Starting into the forest, he arrived at a clearing with rows of recently tilled dirt. Someone was trying to grow something here.

"This field is filled with uh...medical herbs for...glaucoma," he said, hesitantly, "you can start by channeling your chakra into them to help them grow."

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, "That sounds really suspicious."

"Yes, definitely."

Naruto dutifully sat down with his team to begin.

"How did you even know these were here?" he asked, but Kakashi was already gone.

So they did. For hours they channeled chakra into the dirt. Eventually, noon passed, and Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami, made a meal for the team to enjoy. Or at least, she tried to. She was, however, afflicted with Terribly Inconvenient Narcolepsy, a special, intelligent variant of the normal disorder that chooses the worst possible times to make its victims fall asleep. Tsunami had fallen asleep the moment the door had shut behind her. As a result, they waited two hours before going to K.F. Sea instead.

While the group was eating, Sakura asked about a picture, which prompted a story from Tazuna about his grandson's father figure, who saved the town and was regarded as a hero before the evil merchant Gato killed him. Once again, however, we ignore Tazuna.

* * *

**In Town, That Evening**

Evening came, and Team 7 was given a break from training to go into town. Naruto spent the time browsing food stalls.

He picked up a potato and checked his mission objectives.

**Retrieve the Stolen Potatoes (0/3)**

"_This obviously isn't one of them,_" Naruto thought, dropping it. He picked up the next and repeated the process.

Amidst his search for the three particular potatoes, he heard a commotion. Following the noise to its source, he saw a merchant peddling fish at his stall and being tormented by a small group of cats. They ran between his feet, apparently attempting to trip him as he chased them, while another small group slipped quietly up to his stall and pounced on the fish. They rubbed up against the fish, scratched at them, and licked them. After several seconds of this, they began making noise to draw the merchant's attention. When he arrived at the stall, they ran away. Shortly thereafter a short man, flanked by two bodyguards walked up. He approached the merchant's stall and pointed to the fish.

"The boss wants these," one of the bodyguards said.

The merchant gave him a price and the man slammed his hand onto the table.

"Do you really expect Master Gato to pay full price for fish that cats have gnawed on?"

_"So this is Gato,"_ Naruto thought.

"I really can't go any- Wait a minute. How did you know-" the merchant was interrupted by the other bodyguard's fist. He fell back onto the ground, and Gato grabbed several of the fish and left.

* * *

**Back at Tazuna's House**

Training continued for several days uneventfully. Since there are no jokes to be made about those days, they will be skipped.

Eventually, Team 7 found themselves starting the morning with a different exercise.

"Now I know you're just making these up," Naruto told Kakashi, who was relaxing in a lawn chair.

"No, no. This is definitely a real chakra control exercise. That people do. To control their chakra," Kakashi insisted.

"What does doing your taxes have to do with chakra?" Naruto asked as he sat with his teammates, surrounded by sheaves of paper and folders.

"Yin is intellect," Kakashi yawned, "Uh...Mental focus or someth..."

"Are you asleep over there?"

* * *

**Further into the Woods**

Naruto sat in the woods, complaining to himself about how ridiculous this training was, as he continued channeling chakra into the dirt. He was succeeding in accelerating the plant's growth, but how could any of this possibly be useful?

Hearing rustling, he looked up and saw a health bar in the distance. He walked as quietly as possible to the location of it, the rows of plants growing steadily taller as he went, and found himself in a clearing filled with more of the plants tall enough to conceal a person and carefully spaced apart for optimal growth.

Hearing the movement again, he looked to the left and saw a person harvesting the medical herbs. Whoever it was moved quickly and precisely, clearly experienced at this. Getting close enough to have a clear view of the person, the status bar showed up.

**Haku Yuki | Rogue Assassin | Level 62**

**Loans: 4**

Haku did have five stats like everyone else, but he had already mortgaged the other four.

Realizing who this was, Naruto gasped, which drew the attention of the assassin, who turned around.

"No, officer, these aren't mine. I'm just gathering them for a friend, I swear!" the figure said, before relaxing upon noticing Naruto, "Oh, it's just you."

"Have we met?" Naruto asked, feigning ignorance.

"No, no. I just...God, I'm tired," he said, "I haven't slept in days. Between studying and looking after my master I can't remember the last time my eyes were closed. I don't think I've even blinked in two days."

"What's wrong with your master? Glaucoma?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"That's what these herbs are for, isn't it?" Naruto asked.

"What the h*ll are you talking about? This is catnip."

"Oh. Well, what's wrong with your master?"

The assassin scoffed, "He's cheap, that's what's wrong with him. I told him not to buy used needles. The new ones are only 20 ryo more and you're guaranteed not to get some sort of mutant PCP running through your bloodstream, but no 'we're trying to overthrow the Mizukage, Haku, we need all the money we can save'," he said mockingly.

_"That may be useful," _Naruto thought to himself as the assassin continued ranting, heedless of whether Naruto was actually paying attention.

"It's not like I'm not contributing. I'm just busy studying for my MBA on top of all the assassination."

"Wait, what's an MBA?"

"I'm going to the The University Hidden in the Mist," he continued, proudly showing the 'Mist U' print on his sleeve, "I'm going to open an ice cream parlor."

Things continued in this vein for some time, until evening fell and the assassin realized how late it was.

"Well, I'd better be going," he said, "Oh, that part about overthrowing the Mizukage and stuff? You didn't hear that."

"Hear what?" Naruto asked, already wondering how to use this.

**_"_**Heh. It's a shame I have to kill you,_" _Haku said under his breath. The subtitles caught it, though.

"You can try." Naruto responded.

"What?"

"What?"

They parted ways, Haku returning to his master as Naruto returned to Tazuna's house.

* * *

**Zabuza's Hideout, Late Evening**

"Haku!" Zabuza yelled, from the bed he was strapped to, "Haku!"

"Yes, Master Zabuza?"

"Haku. Everything itches. Why does everything itch?!"

"I don't know, Master Zabuza," Haku sighed.

"My insides itch. Is Gato here?"

"No, Master Zabuza, he's-" Haku was interrupted by aggressive knocking on the door of their hideout.

"I knew it," Zabuza yelled, eyes tearing up, as Haku rose to answer the door.

Opening it, he saw Gato standing in the doorway, flanked by two bodyguards.

Gato was silent and his face was eerily still. His suit also seemed to be moving of its own accord. Or maybe he was twitching extremely rapidly underneath it. Before Haku could wonder further, one of the bodyguards spoke.

"You got the stuff?" he asked, "the boss needs it for his...Glaucoma."

Not even bothering to wonder what he was talking about, Haku held up the catnip he had collected earlier that day. Gato reached out to take it with stiff, robotic movements, the sleeve of his suit also twitching just as erratically as everything else. Once his gloved hand closed around it, he drew the arm back.

As an expert assassin, Haku had been well-trained in human anatomy. In fact, he was one of the top ten contributors to the International Non-Essential Organs List, right alongside the likes of Tsunade Senju, whose discoveries originated from a need to sell the organs in question to pay her crippling gambling debts. As an expert assassin, well-versed in human anatomy, Haku knew exactly where humans did and didn't have joints. Which is why he only stared, wide-eyed, as Gato's wrist remained completely straight and his forearm bent 90 degrees to tuck the bag into his jacket. Removing the hand from his jacket, Gato straightened it again, as though nothing had happened, then turned and left, his bodyguards following behind.

* * *

**Tazuna's House, Late Evening**

Everyone sat in companionable silence as they ate their food, this time from Burger Kage, right up until it was time for Inari, Tazuna's grandson to have an emotional outburst. Unfortunately, being Tazuna's grandson, Inner-ear, or whatever his name was, had inherited the hereditary trait of no one caring what he's saying, so it's skipped as well.

Whatever happened, he ran away crying.

"I'll take care of it," Sakura said, rising to go after him.

No one heard from either for the rest of the night.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

The next morning, Team 7 left to go to the bridge. Naruto was left behind because the "Sleep" mechanic was derived from the "Wait" mechanic, so he was basically dead to the world until the allotted time had passed. By the time he awoke, everyone was already gone, but he heard some tumult downstairs.

As he proceeded down to investigate, Naruto saw Inari standing, unblinking, with a pigeon on his head. He was staring at something out of Naruto's view. Proceeding further down, albeit concealed, he saw a pair of thugs holding Tsunami, whose Terribly Inconvenient Narcolepsy had chosen this exact moment to act up, hostage.

"Don't come any closer," one of the thugs told Inari, who simply plodded forward.

The pigeon on his head began cooing and in the same second, Inari began "speaking", if whatever menacing rasp he produced could be called that. Not even the subtitles could catch what he said, but it seemed to have unnerved the thugs well enough.

"No! Get away," the thug holding Tsunami cried. Inari opened his mouth again and the door to the kitchen slammed shut of its own accord, preventing Naruto from seeing anything. He heard plenty, though. A cacophony of flapping that couldn't possibly have come from only one pigeon, interspersed with shrill screams and cries for mercy.

"_Well. That happened,_" Naruto thought, creeping as quietly as possible to the door. As soon as he exited, he took off running for the bridge.

**○ Complete training **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Try Not to Get Tazuna Killed**

* * *

**The Bridge**

Sakura and Sasuke stood by Tazuna, keeping watch as he worked and gave orders. As the hours passed, a heavy fog started to roll in.

_"This is it,"_ Kakashi thought, "T_hey're here._"

Through the mist, he hears footsteps. The silhouette of Zabuza was visible, holding his head, as the false hunter-nin walked beside him.

"Oh, my head," Zabuza groaned, "Haku, where are we?

"In the Land of Waves, Master Zabuza."

"Why?"

"To assassinate someone, Master Zabuza."

"Oh. Why don't I remember any of this?"

"...I don't know, Master Zabuza."

He checked his back to ensure that the giant sword was still strapped to it, then checked the rest of his person for supplies.

"Haku?"

"Yes, Master Zabuza?"

"Why are there potatoes in my pocket?"

"No idea, Master Zabuza."

He threw them on the ground and readied himself for the coming fight.

"Alright, Sasuke," Kakashi said, "You keep the hunter-nin busy."

Sasuke grunted. Fortunately, Kakashi's Sharingan also lets him understand unintelligible grunts, so he responded.

"Yes keeping Tazuna safe is our top priority."

He grunted again.

"I know you're fast, but we're leaving Sakura to guard him so that anyone who tries to get close will have to go through that pigeon sh*t she does."

He grunted again, seeming to accept this, and charged at the masked assassin.

* * *

**CHAPTER 8 ****END**


	9. Magnates: How do they work?

**CHAPTER 9: Magnates: How do they work?**

**Rated T for censored language, nondescript violence, and technically unethical business practices.**

* * *

Thick and oppressive, the mist that settled over the battlefield as Sasuke and the masked assassin clashed was clearly not the work of nature, but it didn't bother him this time. The training he had undertaken must have done something; the last time they had met on the battlefield, Sasuke hadn't even seen the masked assassin. Now, even despite the heavy mist obscuring all but a silhouette, he was avoiding his opponent's attacks with ease.

Several feet away, Kakashi and Zabuza watched. They themselves would begin fighting momentarily, but they wanted to see if either of their minions could get the upper hand so they could know whether to expect support in their own fight.

Despite himself, Zabuza couldn't help but be impressed by Sasuke's performance.

"You must have put them through some heavy training this past week," he said.

"Something like that."

In the distance, Haku slid on the ground toward Sasuke and launched a low sweeping kick. Sasuke responded by somersaulting over it and extending his right leg out, bringing it down with all the force of line 37 plus line 21, and entering the total amount into the masked assassin's ribs.

"That- That was a 1040A!" Zabuza cried, looking at Kakashi, "You had them do your taxes?! That's at least high-level Chuunin training!"

"That's right," Kakashi responded, "Now you understand what you're up against. It's best you just surrender."

Zabuza silently contemplated for a few seconds before he spoke.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he said, drawing his blade, "I have something I need to accomplish, too."

They both disappeared in a blur of speed.

* * *

**With Tazuna**

Sakura stood by Tazuna, the rest of the team denoting her their nuclear option, though she had no idea why. Since there were only two opponents, there wasn't going to be much of a threat to Tazuna so long as her teammates kept them busy. The thick mist also meant she couldn't provide support for either without leaving her post, something she had no intention of doing just in case there were more threats waiting for her guard to drop.

Hearing rapid running from behind, she turned, kunai at the ready, only for Naruto to blaze past her.

* * *

**With Kakashi and Zabuza**

Sasuke somersaulted again, and Haku moved to counter, but Sasuke adjusted his position midair and did a horizontal axe-kick.

"1040X?!" Zabuza gaped, "You're a madman, Hatake!"

"Ninja of the Leaf never back down. Now let's finish this."

Right before Kakashi moved, he felt a rush of air as the mist all around Sasuke and the masked assassin coalesced into an array of mirrors, surrounding Sasuke, who dropped to his knees, a look of despair etched onto his face as he looked into one of them. As Haku emerged from the mirror he was staring at, preparing to attack, Naruto suddenly slipped between the, admittedly large, gaps between the mirrors, and everything ground to a halt.

* * *

**With Sasuke and Haku**

As Sasuke remained focused on the battle, his confidence rose. He was deflecting and countering his foe with ease, right up until a bunch of mirrors had formed. He looked into the one in front of him and dropped to his knees, grunting pitifully, as his shaking hands reached up to his head.

"Now do you understand?" the masked assassin asked, manifesting from the mirror Sasuke was staring at, "You never had a chance. It was always going to end..."

Sasuke continued staring at the mirror, not hearing any of the assassin's monologue, as he mourned that state of his hair from the high humidity of the fog. He was almost ready to accept his fate; surely it was better than living like this, but Naruto stepped into the dome before the assassin could launch another attack.

After several minutes of continuous running, Naruto arrived at the bridge to help his teammates. Seeing the large array of ice mirrors, he immediately rushed in, slipping between them with ease. He'd had a brilliant idea on the way over.

"Naruto. How did you get in here? My mirrors are impenetrable." Haku demanded from the safety of said mirrors. He was so astounded that someone had gotten in, he completely forgot that he was supposed to act like they had never met. Naruto didn't seem to notice, however.

"Maybe they are, but they're like five feet apart," he responded.

"Oh. Thanks." Haku said, bringing them all closer together.

"Yeah, no problem. Now, how about we-"

"1001 Needles!" Haku shouted, and the mist around them coalesced into multitudes of icy needles. Just over one thousand of them if the name is to be believed.

"Wait! Hold on! We can- Did you say 1001 needles?" Naruto asked.

"...Yes?"

"Why 1001? Why not just stop at 1000? It's not like the one extra needle is going to kill someone who would have survived the other thousand."

Sasuke wanted to give him a look; it wasn't really the time to ask that, but he was still pretty despondent over the humidity.

"Funny you should mention that," Haku said from inside the mirrors, "I _was_ just using 1000, at first. I could never actually use the technique though, every time I tried I would always have these horrible visions about copyright lawyers and a cactus with a face."

Sasuke grunted in confusion before passing out from exhaustion.

"Whoops," Naruto said, "I'd better get him out of here."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Haku said.

"You can't stop me," Naruto responded.

"You're trapped in my mirrors," Haku shot back, pointing to the air above Naruto and twirling his finger, "and I have needles floating around you in all directions. 1001 of them, in case you forgot."

Naruto raised his wrist as he had become accustomed to over the training days we skipped, and time froze once again. He scrolled through his inventory looking for a platter.

Selecting it, he chose the "Drop" option from his inventory. The platter manifested in the air and remained there until he dropped his arm, whereupon he caught it mid-air. The platter, that is. He caught the platter mid-air, not his arm.

"All directions...," Naruto said, throwing the platter on the ground next to Sasuke.

"_What is he doing?_" Haku thought, as Naruto grabbed the unconscious Sasuke by the head and held him over the platter.

"...except down!" he slammed Sasuke's head into the platter.

"_The f*ck?_" Haku thought.

"Uh, hold on," Naruto said, doing it again.

"_Whose side is he on?_"

Naruto continued beating Sasuke's face against the platter, and Haku almost considered stopping him, just out of pity, until the last attempt where Sasuke slipped right through the platter and into the bridge.

"The f*ck?!"

"There it goes," Naruto said, jumping face first into the platter and passing into the bridge as well.

Now alone inside his dome of mirrors, Haku stood, lost in though.

_"...The f*ck?"_

* * *

**Outside the Mirror Dome**

Naruto climbed out from inside the bridge and looked around. Seeing Zabuza still about, he decided it was best to leave Sasuke inside the bridge until the situation could be resolved.

He made a steady pace toward Zabuza, and when he got close, spoke up.

"Hey Zazie," Naruto said.

"Who?" Zabuza asked.

"You. With the sword."

"That's not my name."

"Whatever. You need money, right? To overthrow the Mizukage?"

"Who told you that?!"

"And you're working for this Gato guy, right?"

"What about it?"

"And he's paying you to assess-assassin...kill Tazuna, right?"

"Get to the point."

"Well, what if I pay you more, not to?"

"You? You don't look like you have _any_ money, let alone more than him."

"Maybe not, but I do have this," Naruto said, holding up the Turquoise he had gotten from the Quick Time Event in Chapter 2. He had originally planned to use the pebbles again, but decided that would be a bad idea should he ever meet the two again, later.

"That does look expensive," Zabuza said, rubbing his chin, "but I don't know if it's enough."

"I have like 126 more."

"...I'm listening."

* * *

**With Tazuna, Minutes Later**

Sakura remained by Tazuna, resisting the impulse to let her guard down. The sounds of fighting had stopped some time ago, but that could have meant her team lost, so she watched vigilantly for any threats.

As she stood guard, she spied Naruto's silhouette through the mist. When he drew closer, she also saw the figure of Kakashi, and the two assassins. Thinking her team might have been captured, Sakura prepared herself to fight to the last, but Naruto looked rather cheerful for a prisoner.

"Hey, Sakura," he said, then noticed that her guard was up, "Oh, don't worry, they're with us now."

He turned to Tazuna and introduced the two assassins.

"This is Vuvuzela Mo'Money and Haku. They're going to kill Gato for us."

"That one was deliberate."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Zulu."

"You're lucky I like money."

As they sat around discussing how Zabuza and Haku were going to assassinate Gato, Sakura suddenly realized someone was missing.

"Hey, where's Sasuke?"

"Oh, that's right!" Naruto said, wide-eyed. He took off back toward the bridge.

Minutes later, he returned, carrying the still unconscious Sasuke over his shoulder. He plopped his last teammate down by their leader, who began tending to his injuries.

"Hey Sasuke," Kakashi called, "Wake up. The fight's over."

Sasuke stirred, but remained unconscious. Not far away, Zabuza and Haku were discussing their new contract.

"...but how can you be sure it's worth it? How do you know he's telling the truth if you haven't even seen the other ones yet? And how can you be sure these are even real?"

"Look at him. He's not smart enough to lie, let alone lie convincingly. Besides, even if they aren't real, he's got over a hundred of them. And even if none of them are real, they'll still be worth enough to kill Gato because I don't like Gato. If you're worried about money, Gato's mansion probably has plenty of valuables to make up the difference."

Sasuke sprang awake with an enthusiastic grunt.

"That masked shinobi is ruthless," Kakashi said, as he was checking Sasuke for injuries, "he sure did a number on your face."

"Oh, yeah, the masked shinobi," Naruto laughed nervously.

Haku started to say something, but Zabuza elbowed him and mimed signing a check, reminding Haku who was paying them. He grumbled, but said nothing.

With everyone up and ready, Zabuza and Haku left to go assassinate Gato, Sasuke staring after them.

**○ Try Not to Get Tazuna Killed **Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Await the Bridge's Completion**

**○ Bonus Objective: Facilitate Gato's Assassination**

As the two traversed the not quite finished bridge, Naruto spied several potatoes on the ground.

"What are these doing here?" he asked, picking them up.

**○ Retrieve the potatoes (1/3)**

**○ Retrieve the potatoes (2/3)**

**○ Retrieve the potatoes (3/3) **Complete

**Mission Update Retrieve the Stolen Potatoes**

**○ Return the potatoes to the vendor.**

"Well that was easy."

* * *

**Gato's Mansion, Hours Later**

Zabuza and Haku stood at the western wall of the mansion, performing reconnaissance. Each corner had a tower with a guard posted, but these were easily dispatched with a few well-placed needles. They were, of course, used needles, so who knows what was in them, but that's the nature of the job.

As the two continued their infiltration, they found balls of yarn. A lot of them. Their question was answered before they could even ask it.

"_This guy really likes cats,_" Zabuza thought, as he noticed the dozens of them about. He shooed them away with ease, scratching at his arm, and continued the mission.

* * *

**The Bridge**

As the two assassins made for Gato's mansion, Team 7, less one Sasuke, aided the village in finishing the bridge's construction. It proved to be an exceedingly simple task with the support of dozens of Shadow Clones, and the project that was supposed to take several months more was on the fast track to completion within the next few days.

Since the construction was accelerated so rapidly however, that meant things that would have otherwise been dealt with later were also fast-tracked to relevance. In particular was the demand to place toll-booths on either side of the bridge as a means to recoup the expenses of building. Many of the construction crew were in favor of the idea, having had to personally donate to the bridge's construction fund because of the town's poor economic situation, courtesy of Gato. One member, differentiated from the rest by a distinctive silver pin on his vest, was against the idea, and continued to argue with the others.

* * *

**Gato's Mansion**

Zabuza and Haku quickly searched the mansion, finding Gato in a hallway, tucking a bag of something back into his jacket, and leaving what they could only assume was a vault. It had a huge slab of metal for a door, and a complicated locking mechanism.

"Mission first," Zabuza said, as they followed Gato.

Behind them, Sasuke slipped into the hallway and saw the vault door. He approached it, using his Sharingan's X-Ray Vision to see the lock's mechanism as he attempted to pick it, before giving up five minutes later and melting it with his Laser Vision.

What's that? If he had those abilities why didn't he use them in the fight against Haku? Well, you see...

* * *

**The Bridge**

Construction on the bridge continued at a staggering pace, even despite the arguing about the tollbooth. Mostly because Naruto's clones were doing all the work.

"Listen, Naruto," Tazuna said, as Sakura watched on, "I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for us. Not only did you stop Zabuza-"

"Who?"

"-but you're also helping us finish this bridge and you even managed to free us from Gato's tyranny. There's nothing this old man can give you to repay your efforts, but I think we can at least name this bridge after you."

"No, seriously, who's Zabuza?"

* * *

**Gato's Mansion: Hallway**

Zabuza and Haku followed Gato through the winding hallways, steadily shooing away more cats as they went. Gato kicked a ball of yarn out of the way as he went, and he froze, eyes following the yarn to where Zabuza hid in the shadows. He almost thought he had been seen, but it passed and Gato carried on down the hall.

Eventually they arrived at what was assumed to be his room, where Zabuza quietly moved into a shadowy corner and Haku hid inside a bowl of water placed on the floor for some reason.

* * *

**Gato's Mansion: Vault**

Inside the vault, Sasuke turned the lights on and marveled at the stacks of cardboard boxes piled nearly to the ceiling. Thinking he had hit the jackpot, Sasuke took a running leap at the boxes only for the ones he fell onto to collapse inward. He arose with a panic and searched every cardboard box in the vault, but they were all empty.

He fell to his knees and grunted mournfully. What kind of ultra-rich shipping magnate keeps his personal vault full of empty cardboard boxes?

* * *

**Gato's Mansion: Gato's Room**

Both assassins lay in wait, poised to strike, as Gato sat down in a large chair and started unbuttoning his coat. Zabuza raised his sword high and flung it before he had to see any more, and it flew true, lopping Gato's head right off. There was surprisingly little gore for a decapitation, and not just because this is a T-Rated story, either. It was like there was nothing in the head. It appeared to just be made of latex or something.

Both assassins watched in mounting horror as Gato didn't even seem to notice his being beheaded. He continued unbuttoning his coat like nothing had happened. When he slid it past his shoulders, the whole suit collapsed into the chair as a pile of cats fell out.

* * *

**CHAPTER 9 ****END**


	10. Gato is a Pile of Cats

**CHAPTER 10: Gato is a Pile of Cats**

**Rated T for nondescript violence.**

* * *

Construction on the bridge continued unabated as Team 7 awaited the assassins' return, hopefully with good news.

All parties continued laying forms and pouring concrete and other construction related stuff that was definitely not looked up just now, until Kakashi suddenly spoke.

"Hey, where's Sasuke?" he asked, as Haku and Zabuza made their way back to the bridge, visibly breathless.

"Well?" Naruto said, looking them over, "How did it go?"

"Gato is a pile of cats."

"Is...that a euphemism for dead or something? Because, trust me, you do not need to censor yourself around this kid," Naruto said, gesturing to Inari who was whispering something to one of the construction crew, who promptly collapsed to the ground, a gibbering mess. A small silver pin rolled away from where he lay on the ground.

"No. Gato is a pile of cats in a business suit. And they're headed this way."

"How can he be a pile of-"

A shadow fell over the entire bridge. Naruto looked up to see what was blocking the sun.

"Oh."

They descended on the bridge in a torrent.

**○ Bonus Objective: Facilitate Gato's Assassination **Failed

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Defeat the Cat-aclysm Superboss**

* * *

**Gato's Mansion: Vault**

Sasuke stood in the middle of the vault, watching mountains of cat litter pour in from all sides. He looked slowly around the room, the piles closing in on him, promising a slow and painful, but still very fresh smelling, death. Sasuke wondered dismally if this was the end to his story, if his grand ambitions to restore his clan's market value were all for naught. Since all he can do is grunt however, that's all we hear.

He still had his Sharingan active though, and as we all know, Sharingan equals automatic win, so in the last second he spotted several seeds laying in the litter. Grabbing them, he hastily used his laser vision to cut a hole in the thick concrete floor, then buried the seeds, channeling chakra into them just as Kakashi had taught him, because I had to make both of the training exercises useful somehow. Within seconds, a giant catnip plant burst from the ground, plowing through the roof as Sasuke jumped on one of the leaves. Safe at last, he began making his return to Tazuna's village.

* * *

**Back at the Village**

Most of Team 7 and company stood atop a building in the village, watching a torrent of cats seven feet high rush through the streets. The torrent is seven feet high, not the cats. Can you imagine how terrifying that would be?

"What do you mean you're 'allergic to cats'?" Naruto demands incredulously.

**Codex Entry: Allergies**

**The state of being allergic to a specific foreign body, wherein one's immune system overreacts to the presence of such foreign bodies, referred to as allergens, potentially damaging their body in the process.**

"I know what allergies are," Naruto says, seemingly to himself, "why are they stopping him? He's supposed to be a super-elite assassin, isn't he?"

"Kakashi, is your student alright?" Zabuza asks, seeing Naruto poke the air and talk to himself.

"Yeah, that's just a thing he does."

"I guess not everyone can endure that kind of training with their mind intact."

"...why are there so many people with cat allergies?!" Naruto ranted, as the codex appeared to provide an answer.

**Codex Entry: Chakra**

**Page 42**

**It is a well documented fact that all chakra manipulating entities inevitably develop an extreme allergy to cats at the age of 15 Years, 7 Months, 2 Weeks, 4 Days, 11 Hours, 35 Minutes, and 12 Seconds. This is believed to be a direct result of chakra manipulation as there has never been a recorded exception, whether in occurrence, or in time frame. It may be some sort of universal balancing mechanism to offset the extreme disadvantages non-chakra wielding entities will face in comparison. **

**Uncontrollable sneezing is typically pretty inimical to stealth, which is paramount for a great many ninja operations, to say nothing of the other inherent health risks. For these reasons, the vast majority of one's progress through their career as a ninja tends to occur before the age of 15. Such individuals rise quickly through the ranks because of their ability to perform operations unimpaired by this severe, universal allergy. Individuals who are both below the dreaded "Age of Allergy" and possessed of remarkable degrees of skill and talent rise even higher because of their capacity to perform operations unimpaired, while also performing them well.**

**After the age of 15, progress tends to stagnate as there are fewer operations one can be sent on without incurring reduced performance and additional risk.**

**Even cats or other feline entities who learn to manipulate chakra find themselves burdened with this weakness at the cat-age equivalent, which makes theirs a most cursed existence.**

"Okay. So I guess it's just us fighting them, then," Naruto said to Sakura and Haku.

"Actually, I'm allergic, too," Sakura says.

"What? How? you're the same age as..oh, right. Natural allergy. I guess it's just us, then," Naruto said, turning to Haku.

The two jump off the rooftop to commence the fight.

**Cat-aclysm**

**Level 151**

**HP: 45000/45000**

The two advance via the rooftops, Haku firing his needles at the cat-scade as it flooded the streets below.

* * *

**Road Outside the Village**

Sasuke continued his ride on the aggressively growing catnip plant, which was conveniently growing in the direction of the village. As he drew close, he looked down from the leaf he was riding and saw Naruto and the masked assassin he had fought earlier battling a deluge of cats swarming the streets. Watching the cats, Sasuke knew he had to fix this. He jumped from the leaf he was riding, fully intending to make a heroic entrance, and used his Sharingan to direct the catnip plant to fall atop the masked assassin as revenge for attacking his face. If you're surprised the Sharingan can do that, then you clearly haven't been paying attention.

* * *

**The Village**

**Cat-aclysm**

**Level 151**

**HP: 44751/45000**

It had been almost ten minutes since the fight started, and victory was still far off. Jumping into the pile of cats to fight them in melee was clearly a bad idea, but he was sort of lacking in projectile attacks at the moment. He had shuriken, and could duplicate them indefinitely, but their damage output was pitiful, and he currently had no projectile ninjutsu, save for throwing clones at the cats. Fortunately, the cats didn't seem to be able to attack Naruto, either. The closest they got was one time when he drew too close, and a few of them leapt toward him, claws at the ready.

Just as he completed another jump across a rooftop to lob more shuriken, the world suddenly darkened, indicating the boss performing a special attack. At the center-top of his vision, a box appeared.

**Revolving Ocelots (Revolving Ocelots)**

Naruto turned back to see several of the cats jump straight into the air and begin spinning in place, before launching themselves toward Haku and himself, claws rotating like blades of death. Both avoided the attacks with ease and Haku landed again, preparing another ninjutsu.

"Thousand-" he sneezed.

"Are...you okay?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, I'm just-" he sneezed again, "Oh no. I guess it's time. You'll have to handle it without me from here on."

Haku made several quick leaps away, preparing to return to the others. Well that was convenient. I was just going to remove him by-

A giant plant falls on top of him.

Oh, that's right. I already set that up.

**Haku Yuki | Rogue Assassin | Level 65**

**HP: 0/250**

"I guess it's just me," Naruto said to himself, watching the steady stream of cats rush past below. As he was preparing to mount another offensive, Naruto heard a triumphant grunt, and looked over to see Sasuke land expertly on a nearby rooftop, Sharingan blazing.

He looked over at the swarm of cats and immediately began firing lasers from his Sharingan.

"_Alright!_" Naruto thinks to himself, "_We just might be able to win this._"

He looked over up to the cat swarm's Status Bar.

**Cat-aclysm**

**Level 151**

**HP: 44751/45000**

_"Wait. It's not going down," _Naruto thought. He looked back at the place Sasuke was laser-blasting the cats, and saw the lasers completely missing the cats, but neatly burning off all the uneven lengths of fur.

The cosmic injustice now corrected, Sasuke grunted triumphantly again, and leapt away, just as the cats collapsed the building he was standing atop.

Naruto watched, helpless, as further fabrications fall from feline fury. Yeah, I looked up synonyms for "building" to write that; what are you going to do about it?

A shadow falls over Naruto as the cats gathered up, towering above him in a tidal wave that threatened to swallow the building he stood on. Death seemed imminent; as they loomed closer, a few of individual cats even fell from the mass onto the rooftop, stalking toward him without missing a beat.

"_Why is my team so useless?_" he demanded to himself, "_the only other person not allergic to cats just gave them a haircut and left._"

Naruto continued fuming as the singular cats draw closer, growling menacingly.

"Oh, shut up," he said, kicking one.

The shadow fell away as every single cat recoiled back as one.

"What was that?!" Naruto said, looking at the swarm's status bar again.

**Cat-aclysm**

**Level 151**

**HP: 43957/45000**

"What happened?" he asked, looking over the combat message logs.

**Perk: Puppy Punter Activated**

**10000x damage on kick attacks against small animals.**

"Oh. Maybe I can still win, then."

**-5 Karma**

"Oh. That might be a problem," he said, looking at the thousands of cats still aggressively flooding the streets.

* * *

**CHAPTER 10 ****END**


	11. Surprise-mechanic-no-jutsu

**CHAPTER 11: Surprise-mechanic-no-jutsu**

**Rated T for censored language and nondescript attempted violence.**

* * *

**○ Defeat the Cat-aclysm Superboss **Complete

Naruto fell to his knees, gasping for breath. His legs were sore from all the kicking, but it looked like the threat was finally over. Checking his status, he saw that he had leveled up twelve times. Before he had time to rejoice, however, he saw his Karma.

**Universally Reviled**

**You are the embodiment of sin. Such is the depths of your evil that you're vilified by even the cosmos. Your name is spoken as a curse without equal and will be feared by all people for generations to come. All things with a sense of self-preservation have an innate fear of your existence and the forces of evil worship the ground you walk on.**

He took a deep breath, about to complain, but just passed out instead.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Naruto woke up, still on the ground, to a raucous noise coming from the village. Rising from the ground, he went to find his team and saw a celebration in full swing.

"You're just in time, my boy," Tazuna told him, grabbing him by the shoulder and dragging him to the festivities, "The party's still going strong and we're about to cut the ribbon"

"The what? Why-"

In a strange twist of fate, Tazuna left, not caring about what Naruto had to say.

Left to his own devices, Naruto continued ambling through the village, observing the festivities he was frankly still too tired to participate in. Though more refreshed than he was immediately after he had finished the battle against Gato...or Gatos, his impromptu napping spot had still been less than ideal, so he was more plodding than walking. A persistent, blinking light danced in the corner of Naruto's vision. It was another notification, but he wasn't up to reading it yet.

Amidst the chatting and dancing, a noise cut through it all to reach Naruto's ears. It was a steady stream of swearing in a myriad of languages. No one else seemed to notice it, probably because they couldn't understand it, but to Naruto, each and every expletive was readily apparent. Naruto chased the profusion of language to one corner of the village, where he saw Haku spewing vitriol at a giant catnip plant that he was aggressively vivisecting, while that guy with a giant sword strapped to his back attempted to pull Haku away. Behind them, Sasuke was steadily sneaking forward, hands reaching for something.

Out of breath and seemingly satisfied with his revenge, Haku eventually left the plant alone, and Naruto returned to wandering. Coming to the center of the village, he saw the villagers enjoying a feast. Even Kaji was there, still in his boat. Looking past him, Naruto saw a large trench dug in the dry, craggy ground, and interspersed with small divots on either side, presumably leading back to where the boat had been grounded. Apparently Kaji had, by sheer force of will, rowed all the way to the center of the village despite there being no water. He and the rest of the villagers were eagerly chowing down on various fish dishes. For once they got to eat some of their catch instead of selling them at a reduced price to Gato after cats...

_"Wait a minute," _Naruto thought.

* * *

**Somewhere far to the North**

On an inconspicuous ice sheet, far away from any living things, a seal was moving frantically, as fast as its body could carry it. It made its way toward a tunnel that you would never suspect was there, were you not aware of already. Sliding down the ice with ease, since gravity could now take over, it made its way into a secret, underground base, where it reported to its commander.

With a tense bark, it alerted the commander that their plan had failed.

The commander swore, not that you could understand it, what with it being a seal and all. After thousands of years trapped inside that scroll in that cursed village by Hashirama after he had found out about their plan to use cats for monopolizing the world's fish sources they had finally escaped, just in time to see it all unfold, and it had all been foiled by some human with an inordinately high capacity for kicking things, possibly the most unlikely thing to ever happen.

The commander slammed its flippers down onto the table it sat at. The table had been carved from a block of ice in what was perhaps the greatest demonstration of dexterity that seals will ever present. Looking around at its compatriots, it began forming another plan. They would have the world's fish supply; it was only a matter of time.

* * *

**The Village**

Naruto's head suddenly snapped to the North. He had clearly heard someone swear, but it sounded oddly like a bark. Just as he began losing the battle against the urge to go over there and investigate, Kakashi and Sakura appeared.

The three made small talk until Kakashi spotted Sasuke running from Zabuza, with a suspiciously tall lump barely concealed under his shirt. Kakashi moved to rescue his student, leaving only Sakura and Naruto.

"What do you think Iruka's been up to these past few weeks?" Sakura asked as they watched the chaos unfold.

* * *

**Konoha Historical Archives**

The musty smell of old paper wafted through the dimly lit room as a figure shuffled through file upon file. The small pile spread across the floor five feet in every direction from the old, dusty table attested to the hours Iruka had already spent scouring the archives for information, for confirmation. Right alongside the files, bottles of For God's Sake (the frustrated ninja's slightly less alcoholic drink of choice) were piled twice as high as the paper, if only because they were taller. He had been searching for the better part of a month, and he was nearly through the last of the records.

_"I can't find anything about it anywhere",_ Iruka thought to himself, _"He _must_ have been lying!"_

As he was preparing to rise, he spied one last folder, hidden away from all the rest up high. It was an easy thing for a ninja to reach, even intoxicated. The folder was thin, there couldn't have been much in it, but he had to check it anyway.

Camera-no-jutsu, it read on the front. He opened it and stared, wide-eyed at the pictures within. He stumbled back into the chair, dropping the folder somewhere in the pile and knocking over the closest pile of bottles.

"My God. Mizuki was right."

* * *

**Tazuna's Village**

"Dunno. I guess we'll find out when we get there." Naruto responded.

As Naruto watched whatshisname chase both Sasuke and Kakashi, wildly waving that huge sword, Tazuna shouted loud enough to be heard all across the village.

"It's time for the opening ceremony!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and gathered at the edge of the village. As one, they all traveled to the location of the bridge. Upon arrival, Naruto saw a large ribbon stretching across it, draped over the support pillars on either side. Tazuna approached the ribbon, carrying a large pair of scissors that Sasuke was eyeing. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"Friends and family," he said enthusiastically, "we are here today to celebrate a most momentous occasion. The opening of this bridge heralds a new era for our small village."

Tazuna looked around at the villagers all watching rapt.

"No longer are we under the scourge of Gato's tyrannical rule. Now we are truly free to prosper. Thanks entirely to this brave group," He gestured to Team 7 and company.

"Even knowing our situation and how we couldn't afford to pay them, they decided to take on this mission and protect us from the threat Zabuza posed while we constructed this, our last grasp at freedom. Not only did they protect us, they helped us finish this bridge, and even stopped Gato permanently."

Tazuna hefted the giant scissors and opened them, holding them on the ribbon but not yet cutting it,

"For their bravery and sacrifice we now dedicate this bridge to them, a monument to their heroism that will stand for as long as this village will, to tell their story. With the cutting of this ribbon," he closed the scissors, the ribbon between them falling to the floor,

"I declare the Great Sakura Bridge open!"

"Wait, what?!" Naruto said, but the resounding cheer from the villagers drowned him out.

**○ Await the Bridge's Completion** Complete

**Mission Update: ****Escort Tazuna the Bridge Builder back home.**

**○ Report the Mission's Completion**

* * *

**Five Minutes Later**

"Well, the mission's complete, so I guess we're done here," Kakashi said, after the cheers died down and everyone left. No one really hung around after the opening because, for all that it's the start of a new era for their town, it's also just a bridge, and there kind of isn't much to do there. Among the crowd who had gathered to watch the opening, Naruto spied the merchant who had lost his potatoes, and returned them.

**○ Return the potatoes to the vendor **Complete

**Mission Complete: ****Retrieve the Stolen Potatoes**

**Reward: Potato Soup (Old)**

As Naruto was returning the stolen potatoes, Kakashi and Zabuza said their farewells, the latter taking off to continue the campaign against the Mizukage, now 127 Turquoises richer. What's that? Didn't he duplicate 128 of things? Obviously, but he still needed to keep one so he could continue duplicating it.

With the announcement that they were leaving, Sasuke took off, moving quickly toward the village's exit. The rest of Team 7 followed, Naruto easily keeping pace with him despite being dead tired. As they entered the forest, Naruto noticed Kakashi and Sakura falling behind. As he stopped to wait for them, he finally decided to see what the flashing notification was about.

**Update Complete**

**Version 0.6 Changes:**

**The Save System is now complete. Users no longer need to fear death as they will automatically be returned to the most recent save.**

"Fantastic. Right after I stopped needing it," he grumbled to himself.

**Additionally, a Challenge System that tracks and rewards achievements with permanent boosts is now in place. Rewards for previously accomplished feats will be applied as soon as the user opens the Challenge Menu.**

"Cool," Naruto thought, ignoring the rest of the notification, which talked the extremely lucrative solution they had implemented for their development budget issue, to find the Challenge menu. After some searching, he opened it and was bombarded with messages.

**Bronze Challenge: Didn't Skip Leg Day I **

**Deal 1000 total damage with kick attacks**

**1000/1000 Complete**

**Reward: +5% Move Speed**

Closing the notification, another appeared.

**Bronze Challenge: Didn't Skip Leg Day II**

**Deal 5000 total damage with kick attacks**

**5000/5000 ****Complete**

**Reward: +10% Move Speed**

Then another.

**Silver Challenge: Didn't Skip Leg Day III **

**Deal 25000 total damage with kick attacks**

**25000/25000 ****Complete**

**Reward: +20% Move Speed**

"This must be why I'm moving so much faster," he said.

**Gold Challenge: Didn't Skip Leg Day IV**

**Deal 50000 total damage with kick attacks**

**44751/50000**

**Reward: +50% Move Speed**

Finally seeing one he didn't yet complete, Naruto closed it, thinking the barrage was over.

**Bronze Challenge: Silver Tongued Devil I**

**1/1 Complete**

**Using Persuasion, Avert or End combat with an opponent 1+ Levels higher without having to beat them**

**Reward: 5% Better Prices with all Merchants**

Nope.

**Silver Challenge: Silver Tongued Devil II **

**1/1 Complete**

**Using Persuasion, Avert or End combat with an opponent 10+ Levels higher without having to beat them**

**Reward: 10****% Better Prices with all Merchants**

Still more.

**Gold Challenge: Silver Tongued Devil II **

**1/1 Complete**

**Using Persuasion, Avert or End combat with an opponent 30+ Levels higher without having to beat them**

**Reward: 2****5% Better Prices with all Merchants**

_"_Okay, that's kinda cool_," _Naruto said.

**Gold Challenge: Silver Tongued Devil IV**

**1/1 Complete**

**Using Persuasion, Avert or End combat with an opponent 50+ Levels higher without having to beat them**

**Reward: 50%**** Better Prices with all Merchants**

_"_Sweet! I'm gonna complete all of the-_"_

**Platinum Challenge: Silver Tongued Devil V**

**0/1**

**Using Persuasion, Avert or End combat with the Final Boss without having to beat it**

**Reward: A Literal Silver Tongue**

_"_Okay, maybe not all of them."

Seeing Kakashi and Sakura catch up, Naruto started walking again. With his new walking sped though, it was only a matter of time before he would need to stop again.

* * *

**Tazuna's Village**

"Hey, has anyone seen those giant scissors?" Tazuna asked, "we really need to find those; it took the town's entire reconstruction budget to rent them and we're supposed to get our deposit back when we return them."

* * *

**The Forest**

As Naruto waited for Kakashi and Sakura to catch up, he stood by idly scrolling through the codex. Noticing something interesting, he stopped to look at the entry.

**Codex Entry: Uzumaki Clan**

"_I have a clan?_" he thought, opening the entry.

**Codex Entry: Uzumaki Clan**

**The Uzumaki were one of the oldest clans in the Elemental Nations.**

"Were?" he said, somewhat disappointed.

**They were renowned for their peerless vitality and remarkable chakra, which allowed them to serve very well as jin-tree-key...jin-churro...Jin...Kazama? Those things tailed beasts are sealed in. Theirs is one of a few clans capable of unlocking the Rinnegan.**

Naruto stopped reading to look up this Rinnegan.

**Codex Entry: Rinnegan**

**A dubious moral alignment to accommodate those who have trouble choosing between Paragon and Renegade. What? That's not what this is? Oh. Well, I don't know, then.**

"_Well that was useless,_" he thought, returning to the Uzumaki entry.

** In addition to this, every known member of the clan has demonstrated exceptional degrees of skill in the art of sealing. This skill is believed to be the reason behind the clan's eventual destruction but the truth is much more terrifying.**

**One lesser known ability of the Uzumaki is their incredible capacity as censors. No, that wasn't a typo. They all have an innate knowledge of all expletives and rude gestures in every language and culture ever conceived, as well as a supernatural capacity to predict the likelihood of the use of one. This is because the Uzumaki were originally intended to be a non-playable clan that was to serve as censors for the chat function. Due to relentless exploitation of the password system that preceded the proper save system, some users discovered that it was possible to play as this clan, however. The password system has since been obviated and replaced with a less exploitable save system.**

Looking up to see Kakashi and Sakura had caught up, he resumed walking, but continued to read as well.

**Their innate knowledge of expletives and capacity to determine when someone is about to use one would have allowed them to filter speech to ensure an acceptable rating. As knowledge of this ability spread across the world, however, the leaders of the many clans became concerned. They feared that the Uzumaki with the myriad of languages, expletives, and insults at their disposal, would insult one of them and they would be none the wiser. If you've ever been in a room with someone who was speaking a different language and wondered in the back of your mind if they might be talking about you, you know what the shinobi leaders were thinking. Was it overkill? Maybe.**

**It's said that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and shinobi leaders the world over took this to heart when they decided the risk of being talked about without knowing it was too great. ****When individual members of the Uzumaki were found to exist in several nations all over the world, the tension reached a breaking point. ****Several of the nations formed an alliance with the sole purpose being the destruction of Uzushiogakure, the Uzumaki Clan's home. They named this alliance "Ninja Opposing Uzushiogakure" or NO U. There wasn't supposed to be a space there, but there was a clerical error and no one had the money to pay for it to be re-registered.**

**Common history states that the alliance worked to staggering effect. Uzushiogakure was completely and utterly destroyed. Thousands were dead and not a single brick was left in place when they were done-**

"You don't have to be so specific!"

**but the truth is, it couldn't have failed more miserably. In what was possibly the worst tactical error ever committed, the alliance assumed for some reason that the Uzumaki wouldn't fight back. This proved to be invariably false, as the Uzumaki embraced their gift and met their opponents with a staggering flurry of expletives the likes of which you would only find in an Irish pub at 2 in the morning. Naturally this proved to be far overwhelming and the vast majority of the opposing forces fled, maybe possibly crying. **

**The attack was repelled with ease, but the Uzumaki's destruction came about as a result of their own hubris. One of them, in an effort to demonstrate superiority, used an ancient, eldritch ****swear word and summoned a flock of omni-present, hyper-aggressive murder pigeons. The ensuing slaughter saw the alliance effectively ended, one way or another, but the one who summoned them couldn't control them, and Uzushio perished as well. The pigeons disappeared afterward, off to find someone else that doesn't deserve to suffer and make them do just that. It's rumored that they may have returned, however.**

**Since a great many of the opposing forces retreated, all of the nations who participated in the war against Uzushio survived, and since winners write the history books, it is commonly believed that the war was a success. However, it was far too late to remove the Uzumaki that had already infiltrated the other nations. They made demands of the nations who didn't join them to hand over the Uzumaki, but the opinion penalty they got for starting a war without a Casus Belli meant that their demands weren't well-received. ****Many of the nations who didn't participate were sympathetic to the Uzumaki's situation, especially after the relentless destruction of their home, and thus refused the alliance's demands to hand them over. The alliance feared being talked about, but they feared facing the Uzumaki, who could call on that terrifying power, more, so they didn't press the issue any further.**

**There are few survivors of this clan, but it's rumored that the ability evolved as the generations continued and that some Uzumaki have demonstrated innate censorship abilities so powerful as to sterilize expletives across an entire nation with no conscious effort. Their mere existence is said to be enough.**

Understandably busy as he was with reading, Naruto failed to notice when he walked right into a bandit fort.

"You picked a bad time to get lost, pal," one of them said in a copyright safe manner.

Naruto looked up from his reading and made eye-contact with the bandit, who immediately dropped his weapon.

"Oh my God. It's you. You're...real."

"What?"

The bandit dropped to his knees, bowing down before Naruto.

"I'm honored to be in the presence of such peerless evil."

"Peerless...Oh, not again!" Naruto said.

"What the h*ll are you doing, Steven. You're supposed to be robbing-"

"_Oh. Is that the censorship thing it was talking about?_" Naruto thought as a second bandit followed suit.

"What's going on out there?!" another bandit demanded from a window inside the fort.

"It's Naruto the Puppy Kicker! I can't believe he's real! I always though he was just a story." the first cried joyfully.

"Are you serious?!" the bandit still in the fort demanded.

"Would I lie?"

"Of course you would. You're a bandit. We're all bandits."

"Just get out here."

"No, don't get out here!" Naruto cried.

"Oh, sh*t. You better listen. He might vaporize you with his laser eyes!"

"Laser...what? I don't have laser eyes. That's Sasuk-" Naruto said, as bandits poured out of the fort by the dozen.

"So evil and so modest."

"We're not even able to swear in his presence. Can you imagine the unmitigated malice it takes to assume that kind of control over reality."

"Isn't he supposed to be 12 feet tall and breathing fire?"

"Why did you say that out loud? Do you want to die?!"

"No! I'm sorry! Please forgive me, Lord Naruto, your mighty malignancy!"

"He's probably just assuming this form so we can behold his might without disintegrating."

**Congratulations! You've acquired your first cult.**

"What?! No I don't want that!" he yelled at the system, just as the bandits were considering a human sacrifice in his honor. Naturally, their first assumption was that he read their minds, which did nothing to disabuse them of the notion to worship him.

"Would you stop it?!" Naruto yelled at the system as it persistently attempted to get him to name his cult.

"Please forgive our insolence, your mighty vileness, relentless scourge, kicker of thousands of small animals. How may your humble servants assist you?"

"...I hate you."

"We are not worthy!" all the bandits cried in unison.

* * *

**The Forest**

"Hey, where's Naruto," Kakashi asked, upon realizing that they had lost him in the process of catching up to Sasuke.

Their search for Naruto continued for hours, until they eventually heard a clamor in the woods. As they prepared to look there, Naruto came trundling out, nearly a hundred bandits in tow.

Thirty minutes later, everyone was sitting outside the village gates except the bandits, who stood, patiently awaiting orders.

"How do you keep getting into these things?" Kakashi asked.

"I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Naruto, you have a cult. How do you accidentally get a cult?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, we still need to go in to report the completion of this mission, so tell your pet zealots to wait outside and _don't _sacrifice anyone going in or out."

One-by-one, Naruto watches the rest of Team 7 enter the village gate. When his turn finally comes, he attempts to enter, but runs into an invisible barrier.

"What are you waiting for?" Sakura asks from just inside.

Naruto pushes against the barrier with both hands, then shoulder tackles it, but nothing would get him through. Looking hard at the barrier, he saw a message appear when he pressed his hand against it.

**Please purchase the next episode or DLC Season Pass in the online store to continue playing. As a first-time customer, when you purchase a Season Pass you will receive a free Kage Lockbox guaranteed to contain 1 A-Rank Technique, plus a 15% chance of a second, along with three D-Rank or greater techniques and 15 random projectile weapons.**

**Press here to access the online store**

* * *

**END**

**Yep. That's the ending. There is an epilogue of sorts that should be up now, though. It has several jokes that I came up with while writing this but couldn't shoehorn in anywhere else, but it is a good bit shorter.**

**To everyone who took the time to read this, thank you and I hope you enjoyed.**


	12. Epilogue

**CHAPTER 12: Epilogue**

**Less a chapter and more a condensed summary of events. This should have gone up the same time as Chapter 11, so please make sure you didn't skip that.**

**Did anyone ever un-Zalgo that text in Chapter 2?**

* * *

In the days following Team 7's return, Naruto made many attempts to re-enter the village. He even tried to phase through the outer wall with a platter, but ended up in some place called World -1. With no way to escape, he was forced to load an earlier save and returned to the village gates.

Naruto remained stuck outside, but the Chuunin Exams required a full team. Left with no other option, Kakashi used the transformation technique to disguise himself as Naruto. Anyone who saw through the disguise was then subjected to his Sharingan, allowing him to remain hidden. Sakura was seen talking to the proctor the day before the exam was to begin.

In the written portion of the exam, the proctor walked into the classroom with a pigeon on his head, and no one questioned it for fear of being disqualified. He distributed the papers with stiff, robotic movements, and explained the instructions in monotone, without blinking even once.

Kakashi, disguised as Naruto, did predictably well, already being a Jounin. Sasuke wrote "grunt" for all of his answers, but passed anyway because he has a Sharingan. Sakura didn't take the exam, the proctor walked by without even handing her a paper.

The next portion of the Chuunin Exams took place in Training Ground 44. It was supposed to be the Forest of Rainbows, Sparkles, and Unicorns, but during it's formation, the universe accidentally rendered the Australian version instead. The objective was to collect two scrolls and make it to the center of the forest.

Along the way, Team 7 ran into Orochimaru in disguise. Orochimaru decided to use Sasuke as a host and attempted to mark him with a cursed seal. He had, however, gotten used to constantly changing bodies and thus neglected to take care of his hair. Sasuke saw this as Orochimaru closed in on him to mark him and flew into a rage, blasting a hole into Orochimaru's head with his laser vision. Being notoriously hard to kill, Orochimaru survived this, unfortunately. Later, he would attempt to mark Naruto, who was, of course, Kakashi in disguise, and be chased away again. That night, Orochimaru, furious at being rebuffed twice and determined to have at least one more potential host before this test was over, would ambush Sakura as she kept watch while the others slept, and constrict her into unconsciousness. Orochimaru was never heard from again.

During the next phase of the Chuunin exams, Kakashi, still disguised as Naruto, fought Kiba and predictably wiped the floor with him. Sasuke's opponent was disqualified for improper conduct as Sasuke had stolen everything he had on his person, including his clothes, in the time it took him to reach the arena.

Sakura's opponent was Ino, who attempted to take over her mind, which ended exactly as well as you think it did. She was removed from the arena a babbling mess, and Team 7 proceeded to the next set of battles.

Over the next three days, every one of Orochimaru's subordinates the world over mysteriously disappeared, resulting in the planned attack on Konoha being cancelled because it was drastically understaffed. Thus the Chuunin exam finals proceeded uninterrupted. Kakashi faced Neji and wasted him, Gaara was to face Sakura, but never made it to the arena. He was later found in his room, huddled into a ball and muttering. Before his battle, Sasuke stole his opponent's identity and surrendered on his behalf, resulting in another automatic victory.

After the finals were completed, all the Kage except the Kazekage gathered to announce who was promoted. Some wondered if wearing a pigeon on your head was a trend now, as everyone in significant positions seemed to be doing it. The Kage all announced in simultaneous, eerie monotone, that Sakura was to be promoted, then immediately left to return to their respective countries. No one else was promoted by the Kage, but Sasuke promoted himself, having already stolen the necessary paperwork.

In the following months, Ino made a complete recovery, but not before her mad ramblings turned prophetic, revealing the exact location and entire plan, including secret plans, of the Akatsuki, and allowing the entire world to mount an offensive against them, effectively ending their plans. And just like that, the world was saved.

Sasuke eventually found and faced his brother in a final showdown, where he revealed the true reasons for his actions. It turned out the Uchiha clan had become corrupt; they were slowly and steadily reducing the amount of all-natural ingredients in their products, and planned to completely eliminate them within the coming months, before revealing that he had Alopecia and laying down to die. Sasuke refused to believe this at first, the ingredients thing, that is, but after returning home, he checked his clan's financial statements and they corroborated Itachi's words. Sasuke vowed never to allow his clan to fall to this disgrace. Eventually, word of the showdown got around to someone with actual medical knowledge, who revealed that Alopecia just means hair loss and it wasn't fatal; Itachi was just being dramatic. Sasuke returned to the site of their showdown to find Itachi just laying there, and dragged him home. His impending baldness was so severe a dishonor to the Uchiha that he could never assume leadership of the clan and thus abdicated it to Sasuke, but eventually created a line of paradoxical hair care products and further cemented the clan's market integrity.

The Turquoises Naruto had given Zabuza were all real, and after they were sold, the campaign to overthrow the Mizukage easily had enough money to succeed. The Mizukage's successor then outlawed the sale of assassination contracts because that's what you do right after you facilitate the death of your predecessor. This turned out to be an unnecessary measure as the next Mizukage proved popular enough not to warrant assassination, but it's better to have and not need than to need and not have. It also proved to be an ineffective measure, as the precise wording of the law only forbade the _sale_ of assassination contracts. As a result, when Haku graduated with whatever honors the University Hidden in the Mist gives, he opened an ice cream parlor that, in addition to normal ice cream, also sold obscenely expensive cones that came with free assassination contracts. After some deliberation, he decided to name the parlor "Kill and Chill". After the opening of Kill and Chill, Zabuza was technically Haku's employee and was thus required to serve ice cream when he wasn't out on contracts. Naruto never learned Zabuza's name.

* * *

**There, now it's done.**


End file.
